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No family.....

(9 Posts)
Lolimax Sat 06-Jun-15 09:40:11

After the recent death of my DM I've been very unsettled and it's not just grief. I've realised its my lack of family. I'm an only child of 2 only children (DD died several years ago) so the only blood relatives I have are my 2 DC. My own parents had cousins who they either weren't close to or have died. It's very strange as my DH has a huge family and has that many cousins he doesn't even know them all!
I'm in my 40's. Is anyone else in the same position finding themselves kind of rudderless if that makes sense?

totallybewildered Sat 06-Jun-15 09:42:56

I have been in this position since my twenties, and to be honest I relish the freedom and independence it has brought me. I don't feel sad about it, although it has got me sympathy on occasions. Actually, I feel quite proud of being "stand alone"! iykwim!

Joysmum Sat 06-Jun-15 09:58:17

My DH is going through the same. He lost his dad last year (DH wasn't even 40) and his mum died 14 years ago aged only 55 years.

He does have a sister but they aren't that close and she live halfway across the world.

There are no other relatives and his only link to any kind of 'family' is his godfather who isn't blood and is very elderly and in a care home.

He's currently very clingy with me and DD stiflingly so and has just started bereavement Counseling through CRUSE on the recommendation of his doctors and is on antidepressants and has sleep and bad dream issues.

I hope it works for him. I don't have any answers just yet but maybe you should speak to you doc and CRUSE. I'll warm you the waiting list is long but I think it'll be worth doing.

ALaughAMinute Sat 06-Jun-15 10:11:39

I lost 2 family members in 2013 so I can relate to what you're saying.

My dad passed away after suffering with dementia for several years and my brother died due to alcohol related problems. My mum also has dementia and is in a care home, so the only blood relative I have left is my sister and she lives miles away and I never see her. I know my mum is still alive but she doesn't know who I am anymore and I never got on with her anyway. All very sad.

I don't know the answer to this I'm afraid but I think CRUSE are definitely worth trying.

Lolimax Sat 06-Jun-15 10:37:21

I didn't think of CRUSE so I'll look into that, thanks. I've obviously never had aunties or uncles, siblings or cousins and what you don't have I suppose you don't miss but now both parents have gone I do feel a bit lost. It helps that others feel the same way.

RandomMess Sat 06-Jun-15 10:42:09

I'm virtually NC with my nuclear family and due to them haven't had any contact with my extended family since my teens.

Rudderless is a good description, I only have my dc.

FolkGirl Sat 06-Jun-15 11:07:30

I'm similar. Both parents only children, one dead, nc with other. I have a sibling, but am nc with him due to the effects of an abusive upbringing on both of us. Other peripheral family members have rejected us because of the links to my parents.

I have 2 chn and an exh. That's it. Know what you mean by rudderless. The feel like a balloon that's floating away.

I don't feel stand alone and independent. I feel scared, without validity and guilty/selfish that I had children when I was so unwanted in the first place.

I won't be here forever though. So I comfort myself with that thought.

FlabulousChix Sat 06-Jun-15 11:20:28

I only let have my two kids. Doesn't bother me at all. Family is over rated

PeppermintCrayon Sat 06-Jun-15 16:38:15

I'm NC from my family and I also feel rudderless even though I've made a new one. It gets to me at odd times, like when other people would call their mum to ask something and I can't.

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