Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

daughters dad, yet again

(13 Posts)
vodkanchocolate Fri 05-Jun-15 18:14:40

I have spoke about him before his lack of contact with her and irregular maintenance payments. Hes been with his gf on and off for about 3 years one min planning a wedding next minute its off, think they are also struggling to concieve after she suffered a mc last year. Anyway he hasnt been with her for a couple months and tbh hes been fantastic dd has been a lot happier shes been visiting a lot of family members and been away with them etc etc. Shes supposed to be going tonight for the full weekend and has just 5 minutes ago cancelled but has said he will see if his parents can have her if its inconvinient.... No its not inconvinient I have 4 others so one more doesnt make a difference.

Tbh this is not the worse let down ever in his history but she will be upset but shes gone to the shop with her friends will tell her when she comes in. Now thing that is bugging me is I didnt buy his excuse about working because I already know he does half days on a Friday, so for a nosey looked on fb and as of yesterday he is back in a relationship with the said woman - not that I have a problem with that but his commitments always lack when shes back on the scene. We have spoke about it until in blue in the face but think its really unfair on dd.

Do I make an issue of it or leave it for now?

FlabulousChix Fri 05-Jun-15 18:42:22

Is mention it and say that your child needs continuity. Does the gf have a problem with him seeing your daughter if he only fucks about when he is with her? Have you asked?

twistletonsmythe Fri 05-Jun-15 19:15:25

nothing you can do - you cannot force him to see her. You having a go at him won't change his behaviour will it.

But you can take control and apply for maintenance through the correct channels.

vodkanchocolate Sat 06-Jun-15 09:19:11

We have had the continuity talk on numerous occasions it seems to go over his head. I have had nearly 10 years of this flakeyness off him so guess we should no better.
I dont know if gf has the problem or not but dd has said a few times now shes not keen on her shes apparently shouted at her a couple if times and witnessed arguing between them where shes apparently been really nasty to her dad. How true that is im not sure dd was one for exagerating up until about 8 years old.

Im just glad dd wasnt so bothered she ended up sleeping round at our neighbours

Sammasati Sat 06-Jun-15 09:30:42

Has your dd reached an age where she can choose? Maybe you could not tell her if there is a plan for her to see her dad, that way if it doesn't happen she will not feel upset.

vodkanchocolate Sat 06-Jun-15 09:57:56

Shes 9 going on 18 she understands i think they made this arrangement between themselves last week

Sammasati Sat 06-Jun-15 11:17:52

Poor girl sad

She will work out what type of 'father' he really is, all you can do is be there for her. If she has any problems, eg; self esteem issues, anger, etc then maybe try to get some councelling for her. She is very likely to feel rejected at some point and may need help to sort through her feelings.

I am so sorry that you both are having to deal with this feckless and unthinking father.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 06-Jun-15 11:21:04

Contact him and explain the damage to her emotionally.

Advise him from this moment on he will have to take you to court for access as you are no longer willing to put your daughter through it.

She isn't a toy.

End of. Tell him any further contact from him should be through a lawyer.

Sammasati Sat 06-Jun-15 11:34:23

I agree with quite but communicate this to him by email, you may need proof at some point.

vodkanchocolate Sun 07-Jun-15 23:03:07

Well he decided to come for her today 2 days late but she seems to have enjoyed herself. I have today warned him its his last chance he is claiming his excuse was genuine but just seems a big coincidence to me and even if he had to work friday evening that doesnt make up for him breaking the whole weekend plans

Atenco Mon 08-Jun-15 02:58:15

My totally irresponsible and thoughtless ex used to totally forget about his dd when his gf was around and immediately start getting in touch when she was away. I just naturally assumed he was lonely when she away and that was why he remembered his dd, which would have been in character for him, but years later I learnt that she had forbidden to get in touch with his dds. I don't know which is worst, being flakey or abandoning your dds because someone else tells you to.

Rebecca2014 Mon 08-Jun-15 06:25:18

My ex is the same, I have done the whole "You won't see her again unless you put our daughter first." Fact is, men like that care more about themselves and the women they are shagging than their flesh and blood.

Funny enough, relationships can end but your children will always be there so more fool them. Hopefully one day our daughters will realize what type of men their fathers are.

vodkanchocolate Tue 09-Jun-15 16:51:30

Its such a shame, I dont have a relationship with my dad wanted different for my own but shouldnt of expected much else from a guy who finished me as soon as I got pregnant!!

Thing is though if I was to ever split from my husband I cant imagine him ever not putting them first even dd he thinks world of her, part of me wishes I hadnt pushed him to see her so much when she was younger would of saved alot of trouble

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now