NC - H is a lurker
I'm depressed, was on anti-Ds (but recently come off them) H is depressed also on ADs (trying to cut down). Been together 8 years, married for just under two years.
Today we were shouting at each other in the car - I told him I resented him and he needed a job. He told me I was "a piece of shit inside and out".
We're not happy - we act like friends, I have no sex drive (hence trying to coming off my ADs) and this really upsets/angers H. I'm awful at talking about it and I'd rather just go to sleep/ watch tv. I don't initiate sex (I never have) and since the birth of my DS I sometimes experience pain (lots of internal stitches) and in my mind sometimes it's not worth it. I enjoy sex when I actually bother, but it's my not bothering that is causing problems. But I can't seem to talk about it with H....
Have a 2yo DS, I work full-time (teaching) and H was made redundant this time last year. I was part-time (4 days) and had DS on my day off. Once DH was made redundant, I went back up to full-time to help with fiances until H found a job.
Recently I also started a self-employed businesses (childrens' entertainer) - which I do at weekends. I will often have one booking every weekend, some weekends no bookings.
It's been a year since DH has been made redundant. He started a business as managed to get his previous employer (that made him redundant) to employ him on a freelance basis once a week. Apart from that one day, this is the only stable work he has. He's dabbled in other ventures, but they have not taken off. I feel very resentful that he has delayed finding any kind of stable job. If it were me I would be stacking shelves, but he doesn't want to do that - he says he's worth more than that.
My DM looks after my son during the week and has done since September (H has recently been taking DS one day a week, but only in last 6 weeks). We have to ask my MIL to help pay my DM (DS was in nursery 4 days a week until H's redundancy) as we are so broke.
So H has one day at work, one day with DS and the other 3 days on his ventures and looking for jobs. MIL lends us around £700 a month to pay my DM childcare and to make sure we don't end up in our overdraft every month.
H is also addicted to over the counter painkillers. He gets really angry when trying to come off of them - I've asked him to see a doctor but he hasn't. He recognises he has a problem.
Meanwhile I'm exhausted, depressed, crazy, unhappy, working full-time and working at weekends (sometimes). I'm miserable and horrible to be around. All I do is moan and criticise, but I am unable to explain why I have such a low sex drive to H. I have never been able to talk about sex, I just close up.
After the "piece of shit" comment divorce was mentioned.
I'm not sure why I typed all of this. Maybe I am a piece of shit and I just don't see it and I'm delusional. I most likely am a horrible person to live with - I'm like Jeckle and Hyde.
If we do get divorced, will DS have to live with DH as I am the provider and work full-time?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Depressed, unhappy marriage, no sex, DC...
ifyouspeaktomeinfrench · 03/06/2015 19:39
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.