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Emotionally Abused by ex - Is my daughter at risk too?

(12 Posts)
krustylooeasy Wed 03-Jun-15 15:49:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Wed 03-Jun-15 22:25:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Charley50 Wed 03-Jun-15 22:26:45

I've been thinking about this lately myself. My DS dad was abusive and aggressive but he's always been good with DS (well I'm no fly on the wall at his house but DS is always happy to go there). But I've wondered as he gets older and may not want to go there so much (it's a two hour journey) if ex will get manipulative and try and put DS on guilt trips to get him to visit etc. I'm not going to force him to visit his dad so regularly If he doesn't want to.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 04-Jun-15 06:56:33

It depends. Men can be very abusive to their wives but don't always have the need to do it to their kids - no need to control their children, no need to verbally attack them or physically.

So it depends really on th type of guy he is.

Some men are abusive to their DC, telling them their mother is useless etc making up lies about her and so forth.

mathanxiety Thu 04-Jun-15 07:40:53

Yes, he will abuse her the same way he abused you. As soon as she starts showing signs of being her own person and not being an adoring toddler who thinks the sun shines forth from his rear end (which will be soon if she is an average small girl) he will no longer be able to proceed with the unchallenged notion that she is an extension of his personality and it will be unbearable for him. He will be angered by signs that she is a separate person. He will try to carry on as if she does not exist as a separate entity. In other words, he will emotionally abuse her by never acknowledging her right to a separate existence from his concept of her existence.

mathanxiety Thu 04-Jun-15 07:41:43

Look up narcissist parents for clues as to how this will all pan out.

Isetan Thu 04-Jun-15 07:57:42

How long has he been an Ex and do you have enough boundaries in place to limit your exposure to his abuse? Is contact formalised

What forms of abuse were/are you subjected to? It doesn't necessarily follow that abusive men are abusive to their children because every relationship dynamic is different. However, your daughter does need a good role model for dealing with poor behaviour from anyone and that includes her father.

Have you had any counselling?

krustylooeasy Thu 04-Jun-15 08:28:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

krustylooeasy Thu 04-Jun-15 08:48:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDrugsWorkABitTooWellThanks Thu 04-Jun-15 10:03:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

krustylooeasy Sun 07-Jun-15 22:16:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety Sun 14-Jun-15 20:27:20

He sounds like a very dangerous person for her to be around.

How come contact is formalised? Is there a court order stating she is to have visitation with him?

If not, then do not send her even on supervised visits.

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