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Please don't hate me, but I've added him on social media

(105 Posts)
WellWeHaveIt Mon 01-Jun-15 20:05:51

My ex was emotionally abusive. He always acted like the perfect one whilst setting me up for a fall. So I left him.

So just now, I added him back on social media. He has in the past added me but I deleted him. But we have quite a few mutual friends.
He's left OW again because he's moving on. They still seem to be friends but this I suppose is a test, as he has added me before yet I always declined.

Now I want to take back the power, I suppose. Maybe it's wrong but I don't care. He lied to the two of us and he used to add me always on various social media but I always deleted. Now I have added him and will await his response. He will accept but I know, that he will always be a liar and a cheat.
I think I just wanted to rant so please forgive me.

pocketsaviour Mon 01-Jun-15 20:07:04

The obvious question is: why?

crumpet Mon 01-Jun-15 20:08:46

What is the point? Are you not playing the games he wants to play?

thornrose Mon 01-Jun-15 20:09:21

You're not taking back the power, you're playing into his hands aren't you? this I suppose is a test what do you think the test is exactly?

WellWeHaveIt Mon 01-Jun-15 20:09:27

Yes I'm playing the same game. I want him to care

Only1scoop Mon 01-Jun-15 20:09:49

confused

Justusemyname Mon 01-Jun-15 20:10:35

What a stupid thing to dohmm.

NotTallMyself Mon 01-Jun-15 20:11:14

I don't think that's power. You're not taking back power. You're handing over your boundaries to be blurred.

My x was abusive and I would never do that. I wouldn't want to risk letting him erode the boundaries I've worked hard over time to build up. When we meet now, he feels he has to treat me civilly or he'd be the one acting 'crazy'. It would be going backwards to add him. He'd use every single thing he learned about me against me. He gives every single thing I do or say the most negative interpretation possible.

You say you don't care, but if you don't care about you, then who will? An abusive x who cheated on you? Don't you want to be able to chat freely to your friends without worrying about him reading it/what he makes of it/how he'll use it/spin it.

I went so far as to delete mutual aCquaintances and I've no regrets. My x is with somebody now but I wouldn't have a clue if they split up, and I wouldn't know who broke it off. I don't need to know. I don't want to know. That is the real power

wine

thornrose Mon 01-Jun-15 20:11:45

Will you forgive yourself when this goes tits up? Which it will.

FolkGirl Mon 01-Jun-15 20:12:29

Didn't you post about this before and everyone told you not to do it and why?

I don't hate you. I don't know you. But I do think it was a stupid thing to do.

Still, some people do like the drama I suppose.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Mon 01-Jun-15 20:12:39

Hard fact. You can't make them care. They either do or they don't. I used to feel like this about XH. If he had actually cared I wouldn't have needed to make him an XH. You are only hurting yourself, and the best thing for you would be to disengage as much as possible.

WhoNickedMyName Mon 01-Jun-15 20:13:36

don't kid yourself that you're taking back or holding any power here.

while you're still so hung up on your ex you never will.

Singleandproud Mon 01-Jun-15 20:13:36

Until you STOP caring he has won whatever game you are playing and you won't be in a position to move on. Instead you are giving him access to what is going on in your life and showing that YOU still care.

Get rid of him completely, block him, stop wasting your emotional energy and get on with your life.

NotTallMyself Mon 01-Jun-15 20:13:59

Ok. shock You say "I want him to care"

This is precisely why you can't afford to risk playing any 'game' with him. It won't be a game. It can never be a game. Because you care.

Please delete him. If you value your equilibrium and your sanity and your boundaries and your self-respect, please delete him again.

crumpet Mon 01-Jun-15 20:14:51

Well he's not going to care, is he. If he cared he would not have been emotionally abusive in the first place.

He'll enjoy knowing that you still care enough to fall into playing the games he plays, but I fear that he'll just play them better and so he will have the power.

The power you have is to block him, ignore him, and not give a shit about whether he cares, is interested or is in Timbuctu.

thornrose Mon 01-Jun-15 20:15:58

I find real power is indifference.

Kvetch15 Mon 01-Jun-15 20:18:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shakey1500 Mon 01-Jun-15 20:18:13

He doesn't care and never will. All this has achieved is to show him you are still emotionally invested.

To completely ignore is power.

Still, it's your life smile

WellWeHaveIt Mon 01-Jun-15 20:18:47

Sorry I posted. Let's draw the line here. No I haven't posted something similar but I have commented on similar threads.

It's done now. I can't take it back. I resented him and OW but he seems to have played right back into my hands. I can't change him nor do I want to but it's done now.

AnyFucker Mon 01-Jun-15 20:20:52

You just can't help some people < shrug >

MuttonCadet Mon 01-Jun-15 20:21:05

Of course you can take it back, you delete the request.......sad

magoria Mon 01-Jun-15 20:22:05

The only power you will have is when you genuinely don't give a shiny shit any more.

All the time you engage and play any type of games you simply show him you are still involved.

NC and ignore. Fake it until you make it.

WhoNickedMyName Mon 01-Jun-15 20:22:18

"he seems to have played right back into my hands"

nope, other way round.

MagentaVitus Mon 01-Jun-15 20:22:44

Now I want to take back the power, I suppose.

You've not though. You've opened the door to getting hurt again. Seeing him flirt with a new girl, or photos of him having the time of his life.

All those things are going to do it hurt you. You sound like you love the drama and are clinging on, instead of genuinely wanting to get over him.

pocketsaviour Mon 01-Jun-15 20:23:18

It's done now. I can't take it back.

Yes you can.

Use this link and just click on "Remove/Withdraw Request".

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