I don't really know where to begin with this. I feel like I'm a 2015 woman trapped some bizarre time-warp 50's marriage. Ive never told anyone in real life what my marriage is like but i can't believe I can go on like this.
I'm married to a workaholic (and I mean serious work-holic) who spends 5 hours or less physically 'with us' a week and the rest of the time in his office at work/ in his office at home or sleeping (in the office!). We have not had sex for over 9 months. We never spend any time together let alone go on dates! The only contact I have with him is at mealtimes (when he's here) then after the meal he scoots back up to his office and closes the door on us (physically and emotionally).
My two boys are both ASD the youngest has particularly high needs. I have to do everything on my own - attend parent meetings/write ECHP requests/ visit the doctors / paediatrician's etc. He is never here for the school plays/ concerts etc. He never ever spontaneously offers to look after the boys to give me a break. He never spends more than a cursory 30 minutes with either of his children. The last time I went out socially without the kids was in November and then he moaned that I was back late (i'd been out for 3 hours and it wasn't even midnight.) This week a dear friend is having a party on the other side of London - i told him I wanted to go weeks ago but yesterday he told me he has a work deadline and won't be here to help me out. what sucks most of all is I can't get our usual babysitter and he has 'forbidden me' to use someone I don't know making the case that the boy's won't settle with someone new because of the ASD (he's probably right) and that the other side of London is too far to go for a party. I don't have the cash to book a trial with a baby sitter + petrol + baby sitting for the night so I guess this party is not happening.
I work my guts out for my family, cook, clean, look after my children, deal with all the school stuff and when I get a moment I help with husband's business (do admin) marketing etc. I feel unappreciated, undervalued and a complete failure to my sex for putting with it all. I have no sources of income of my own. We don't own the property we live in (for all the work my husband does we need seem to make anything significant from it). He's cut me off from most of my friends - what the hell do I do?
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Relationships
Husband doesn't co-parent/ works all hours and leaves me to deal with the fall out
CrankyCarp · 01/06/2015 18:58
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- you are wicked!
APlaceOnTheCouch - great advice thank you!
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Ye Gads Jesus he's done a number on you hasn't he? 
Listen. You deserve more, really. What on earth does he give you? Time? No. Shared parenting? No. Mind blowing sex? No. Shared chores? No. Support, with anything? No. You time? No. Emotional support for you? No. Emotional contact with the kids? No. Autonomy? No.
He's stripped you of basic, fundamental needs. There must be someone you know and trust to babysit (whether they meet his approval is irrelevant)? Ask them. Pay them, whatever. But get yourself down to the bloody shops/hairdressers and tell him you ARE going out, so and so is looking after the kids till blah pm/am and that you're going to use the time to have an excellent evening, connect with real people and decide whether you want to stay in the marriage.
Then ignore whatever he says to you. x
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