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Control and abuse

(10 Posts)
patch123 Mon 01-Jun-15 16:00:38

My EH is still emotinally abusing me and controlling me and wondered if there is anyone who's been through the same. We didn't go offically through the csa but he has paid me 20% for 2 children. However re ently, for some reason he has gone from working 5 days a week on a good salary to 2 days a week as it has "better prospects". He is a contractor and self employed so I can't even prove that this is true but part of me thinks he's manipulating things so he can pay me less as he HATES paying anything to me for the boys. Out of the blue he reduced my money by £350 per month which means, as I rely on it I can't pay my bills. He also wants to sign a clean break agreement but I think I may try for spousal maintenance. Anyone been through this? He constantly rings and depending on his mood will say "I'm with holding your money this month if you don't swap days with me, sign the clean break form and various other unreasonable things". Total control freak but he knows this is the thing he can hurt me with still.

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 01-Jun-15 16:04:00

I think you need to detach from him and arrange your maintanance through child support options. That will take away his little bit of 'power'.
so you should say 'OK then, bye' next time he starts blustering at you.

twistletonsmythe Mon 01-Jun-15 16:10:57

and change your number so he can't phone you - set up an email address for him to communicate to. And he can't use maintenance to manipulate contact - completely separate issues.

Have you got a decent solicitor? As he is abusive you will qualify for legal aid.

patch123 Mon 01-Jun-15 16:40:41

I don't have a solicitor. Really? I thought legal aid was not in existence anymore so if it is that would help alot.

twistletonsmythe Mon 01-Jun-15 16:43:11

yes - contact Women's Aid - they will help you. If you are in an abusive relationship you qualify for legal aid. He needs to communicate via solicitor only and stop bullying you.

SolidGoldBrass Mon 01-Jun-15 16:58:37

Get onto Women's Aid and citizen's advice. No matter what this shitbag thinks, he is not above the law and he will be made to pay what the courts consider a reasonable amount. He may well continue to be difficult, but it is possible for you to (from a distance and via official channels) cause him a great deal of aggravation if he doesn't pay up, as well. Good luck.

Cocosnapper Mon 01-Jun-15 17:20:20

Fucking hell. Get thee to a lawyer fast. He arbitrarily held back £350?!

Be hostile, formal and let a shit hot lawyer do the rest. What a cunt. (A word I don't use lightly)

Cocosnapper Mon 01-Jun-15 17:22:11

I read on here that you should get a second phone and give the new number to people who need to contact you. Then put the first one away and check it every few days. Remove his power. Ringing constantly? That can fuck off as well.

SunnyBaudelaire Mon 01-Jun-15 17:23:37

yes do that what coco said.
'ringing constantly' - doesn't that constitute harassment?

twistletonsmythe Mon 01-Jun-15 17:36:56

if you are on a contract call your provider - I did, and told them I was being harassed, and they changed my number within the hour for free. Was bliss to have peace of mind.

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