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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Tight boyfriend

58 replies

pleb123 · 31/05/2015 18:16

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We live apart and have grown up children. He has a bad hip and as a result no interested in me sexually, despite my trying to talk about it and state that I am happy for intimacy with intercourse. He agrees, but has not touched me for months. We always take it in turns to pay when we are out and I always feel awkward as he comments on the price of everything. I have only ever eaten steak when its my turn to pay. I am starting to resent him as he is in my home most nights and this afternoon, due to my boiler playing up decided to light a fire, as I have no paper asked him if he had a £1 to buy one - he refused. I think I must be mad and worth more than this. He is a good man, but feel after he stormed out because of this, that maybe its time to call it a day. We went abroad last year, with family, 9 in total and I was embarrassed by his mean attitude. we have similar incomes, I am a home owner and he rents. Am I being selfish?

OP posts:

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pleb123 · 31/05/2015 18:17

I meant to say 'without' intercourse

OP posts:

Noneedtoworryatall · 31/05/2015 18:19

God no your not being selfish. I can't abide a man that is tight. It makes every outing so awkward.

GoatsDoRoam · 31/05/2015 18:20

I think I must be mad and worth more than this.

Yes, most definitely. To the "being worth more than this" bit.

maybe its time to call it a day.

Yes, yes, yes.
Your instincts are true.

ZestyDragon · 31/05/2015 18:21

How is he a good man exactly? He sounds like hard work and someone who sucks the joy out of life.

GoatsDoRoam · 31/05/2015 18:21

You don't have sex.
He doesn't even touch you.
He's tight.
He stormed out over something minor in which he was in the wrong.

He is NOT partner material.

goddessofsmallthings · 31/05/2015 18:22

Why you have stayed in relationship with this tight-arsed knob whose penny-pinching ways embarrassed you in front of family last year?

What exactly do you get out of it? Has it occurred to you that you could eat steak every day if you got shot of him?

AlternativeTentacles · 31/05/2015 18:23

I'd get rid for the rest but I'd never buy a paper for £1 just to set light to it.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 31/05/2015 18:28

And you ask whether you are selfish?!!. I think your own relationship bar is well on the low side and that has enabled such a chancer who saw an opportunity in you to ingratiate himself.

He is not a good man and yes it is time to call it a day. You and he are incompatible. Mean with money, mean with love; that's him in a nutshell.

I think you need to ask yourself why you have sold yourself so short and what has kept you within this situation for as long as you have. There is really nothing to rescue and or save here and people cannot be loved better.

Cocosnapper · 31/05/2015 18:32

Can you give 5 reasons why this man is in your life?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 31/05/2015 18:35

He's in your home "most nights" so he doesn't have to pay for his own heating.

He's a tight-arsed git who needs to be shown the door. Take this opportunity to free yourself of him.

Even a satisfactory sex-life wouldn't compensate for the rest of the awfulness that is him.

Get rid!

VanitasVanitatum · 31/05/2015 18:37

id never buy a paper for £1 just to set fire to it but it wasn't just to set fire to it, it was to use as a fire lighter, without which it might be near impossible to get the fire going. Obviously one already read would be better but I really don't see that as extravagance!!

He's an arse.

Inexperiencedchick · 31/05/2015 18:38

I had a date with someone who commented that I've eaten more than in the previous date. That one comment turned me off...

But you are with him for quite a long time and his expressions about steak is not acceptable...

Is there a reason you drag it on?

pleb123 · 31/05/2015 18:52

I think I am afraid of him being very hurt. When we got together (we went to school together) he was in the doctors very upset at a previous breakdown.I have been married twice before and been treated like this, is there any wonder my self esteem is low.
He always moans about the cost of everything, yet can always pay for his nights out, hobbies, quiz nights that he does alone and seems to think that no sex as 50 is normal??

OP posts:

goddessofsmallthings · 31/05/2015 19:07

FGS get rid, honey, and start working on your self-esteem. You are so worth more than this.

Don't worry about him being 'very hurt' - it sounds as if he should be used to women dumping his sorry arse by now and chances are it'll be water off a duck's back to him.

The only person worth worrying about here is yourself and only YOU have the power to make your life worth living, which it certainly isn't with this miserable git in it.

nicenewdusters · 31/05/2015 19:17

Good god, the joy has been sucked out of my Sunday just reading your op! What a charmer he sounds ? Please leave him to his celibate penny pinching and eat a massive steak sitting next to a roaring fire.

Cocosnapper · 31/05/2015 19:26

He doesn't give a shite if he hurts you though does he? Do you want to feel like this next year? Five years? Ten?

IfNotNowThenWhen · 31/05/2015 19:26

He sounds hot. Does he have a brother?
Seriously, you know that he is a mean, scrounging, limp dicked waste of your time. Don't you??? Decent men exist, they really do. I know it's hard to believe after a couple of crap relationships with users, but just what exactly does this no mark bring to your life? Sounds like he just takes.
Tell him to go home and use his own heating, then crack open the bubbly and celebrate.

goddessofsmallthings · 31/05/2015 19:27

A black hole appeared in the middle of my screen too, but I was able to block it before all of my joie de vivre got sucked into it, nicenew.

star8369 · 31/05/2015 19:33

have you posted about him before? This sounds familiar

nicenewdusters · 31/05/2015 20:07

He reminds me of the hypnotist in the comedy sketch trying to persuade his date to have the cheapest item on the menu.

And why does having a bad hip mean absolutely no sex life ? I think he's worried about having to change his sheets more often and the wear and tear on his washing machine !

pleb123 · 31/05/2015 20:37

No never posted about this before, guess I am not alone in this scenario. Thank you all for making me smile - especially the 'limp dick' comment.
He stormed off at about 3pm and have not heard or seen anything since, so think maybe he has dumped me on the grounds of having the cheek to ask for a £1 so I could heat the house for him. Joke :)

OP posts:

AlternativeTentacles · 31/05/2015 22:39

id never buy a paper for £1 just to set fire to it but it wasn't just to set fire to it, it was to use as a fire lighter, without which it might be near impossible to get the fire going. Obviously one already read would be better but I really don't see that as extravagance!!

I got that it was to be used as a fire lighter. I wouldnt spend £1 on a paper just to burn it. I would use a piece of loo roll, a nugget of junk mail paper, split down some kindling into small pieces, a piece of kitchen towel. I have a wood burner myself and rarely is there nothing in the house that will help to get a fire started. I really do think that is a waste of a spare £1.

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GoatsDoRoam · 31/05/2015 22:40

I think your joke sounds awfully close to reality.

Not that he'll have dumped you, mind. But he'll probably be expecting you to grovel for having dared to upset him.

What are you going to do?

goddessofsmallthings · 31/05/2015 23:21

If only that was it all took to get shot of him < doubtful emoticon > when he comes back, ask him for £30 for a subscription to Penny pinchers House & Garden and, hopefully, he'll sod off for longer.

SavoyCabbage · 31/05/2015 23:29

When I was a little girl I was at my mums best friends house and my mum looked at the clock and it had stopped. Her friend told her that her dh was going to get a battery for it 'when she had given him the money as he has a watch so it's just me that uses the clock'. She seemed to think this was normal and I've never forgotten it.

Thirty years later and she is still married to him and she is in a terrible situation. Financially.

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