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Did you pick a partner like your parents?

(42 Posts)
BabyOnBoob Sat 30-May-15 11:23:13

Myself and dp go through various cycles in our relationship and I've been thinking he's a lot like my father.

I would hate to consciously choose someone like my df, as I come from a pretty dysfunctional family.

However I think subconsciously I've done just that sad

What are others' views/experiences?

Euphemia Sat 30-May-15 11:25:37

No in many ways, yes in some.

DH respects me as his equal - my dad was your archetypal male chauvinist pig.

DH does have anger issues though, as did my dad.

DH can't stand his mother, so I'm nothing like her! grin

Luciferbox Sat 30-May-15 11:28:13

No, DF is lovely but he's a casual drinker, gambler and a bit of a character. DH is quiet, doesn't drink, cannot see the appeal in gambling and loves reading where as DF hasn't read a book since school. They have very little in common except they're both lovely people in their own way.

Bifflepants Sat 30-May-15 11:30:15

I chose the absolute opposite.

Skiptonlass Sat 30-May-15 11:31:06

interesting. I've often heard this and wondered if it's true.

In a way I think I have. Dh is nothing like my stepfather (who is wonderful) in looks, tastes or mannerisms, but he does have a lot of the same values. Kindness, a sense of decency, intelligence, etc. I'm glad I haven't gone for some like my biological father, let's put it that way!

I wonder if it's that we subconsciously have a template for a relationships in our minds and we are more likely to end up with someone who replicates that template for us? Be interesting to hear what others say.

SleeplessButNotInSeattle Sat 30-May-15 11:41:24

I think I chose the opposite. Although they probably have similar temperaments. But initially totally different behaviour and attitudes.

Unfortunately DH has now picked up DF's bad habit of drinking every day. And has none of DF's good traits (resilience, motivation, entrepreneurial, reliable, financially savvy).

So wish I had married someone more like my dad to be honest.

GlitzAndGigglesx Sat 30-May-15 11:46:32

Complete opposite. I'd never want to date or be friends with someone like my dad

Sgtmajormummy Sat 30-May-15 12:25:14

Definitely not like my father BUT a fair bit like my brothers in character (between them in age, similar tastes and interests, they all get on well).

So I suppose it's the familiarity and comfort of knowing what to expect combined with being drop-dead gorgeous (not at all like those two grin) that have drawn me to him!

OinkBalloon Sat 30-May-15 12:35:20

I think Skiptonlass hits the nail on the head with her description of your dad providing a template for relationships.

Certainly I've married my taciturn, reliable, intelligent dad! However dh and df are also very different in other ways.

Horsemad Sat 30-May-15 15:57:29

Yes and No. I've married a good hardworking provider who loves his kids and wants the very best for them, but DH doesn't socialise much unlike my DF.

honeyroar Sat 30-May-15 22:48:04

Yes they're very similar. Both very practical/ fixer types, both have high morals and are very loving/devoted. They get on well.

I'm over the moon. I didn't even think there were men like that nowadays (DH is quite old fashioned) and I've always thought my dad was one of the most admirable people I've met.

defineme Sat 30-May-15 22:57:45

Definitely, both exceedingly academic and handsome,but dh is more gregarious and fair.

Melonfool Sat 30-May-15 23:01:31

I hate my father so I hope not.

But there are so many character traits that there are bound to be a few overlaps in any two random people anyway.

echt Sat 30-May-15 23:03:45

My dad felt, and expressed the view that a man should work hard for his family and stick to his last.

DH values the bringing home the bacon bit tremendously, too.

ltk Sat 30-May-15 23:05:31

No, they are nothing whatsoever alike. Love 'em both.

Brindler Sat 30-May-15 23:07:53

I thought (hoped) I'd gone for the opposite of my df but over recent years feel he is very much like my father. Although this thread has made me wonder whether I've turned into my mother which has in turn made dh more like my father ....

Interesting. Might now need therapy!��

croon979 Sat 30-May-15 23:08:06

My dad is a very selfish, uncaring and dislikeable person. I credit him only for showing me exactly the kind of man and relationship that I wanted and would accept; the one I have with my selfless, caring and kind husband who I absolutely adore. I was determined that I would wait to meet someone special like my other half. And, yes, my husband is the opposite of my father, thank god.

Preciousbane Sat 30-May-15 23:08:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ltk Sat 30-May-15 23:08:49

Also I think the reason I chose someone so unlike my Dad is that I myself am very like my Dad. Dh is seriously nothing like my mum, either! But I guess I was not looking for someone with Dad's characteristics because that would be me.

DramaAlpaca Sat 30-May-15 23:09:35

Totally different in personality, but they do share the same values.

AliMonkey Sat 30-May-15 23:10:21

Many similarities - work too hard, tend towards obsessing about things, love their children but put work first, have a hobby that costs lots of money (which both could / can afford), have a marriage that is often more like running the family business than being a couple but never show any signs of looking elsewhere (too busy working?), have heart problems. So worries me that DF retired then left my mum for a younger woman after decades of marriage where she had supported him by making sacrifices - and then he died of a heart attack. But not sure what I can do to turn things round as any suggestion of him working less so reducing his stress and enabling more time with me / kids is met with the answer that it's a nice idea but not possible.

OttiliaVonBCup Sat 30-May-15 23:13:33

Not sure you pick up a partner like your parents but somehow you do end up with one like them.

OttiliaVonBCup Sat 30-May-15 23:14:32

Having said that, I'm nothing like my MIL, so maybe I'm wrong.

lavazzacoffee Sat 30-May-15 23:15:02

DH is quite like my dad in personality - quiet, very laid back, kind, clever and hard working. But they came from very different backgrounds - my dad's was very poor, and DH was from quite a well-off family. So they've ended up in different places in life, and you wouldn't think they were alike at first.

FickleByNurture Sat 30-May-15 23:22:51

DH is very like my mum. They get on quite brilliantly because of it.

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