Did you pick a partner like your parents?

[BabyOnBoob]

Myself and dp go through various cycles in our relationship and I've been thinking he's a lot like my father.

I would hate to consciously choose someone like my df, as I come from a pretty dysfunctional family.

However I think subconsciously I've done just that

What are others' views/experiences?

[Luciferbox]

No, DF is lovely but he's a casual drinker, gambler and a bit of a character. DH is quiet, doesn't drink, cannot see the appeal in gambling and loves reading where as DF hasn't read a book since school. They have very little in common except they're both lovely people in their own way.

[Bifflepants]

I chose the absolute opposite.

[Skiptonlass]

interesting. I've often heard this and wondered if it's true.

In a way I think I have. Dh is nothing like my stepfather (who is wonderful) in looks, tastes or mannerisms, but he does have a lot of the same values. Kindness, a sense of decency, intelligence, etc. I'm glad I haven't gone for some like my biological father, let's put it that way!

I wonder if it's that we subconsciously have a template for a relationships in our minds and we are more likely to end up with someone who replicates that template for us? Be interesting to hear what others say.

[SleeplessButNotInSeattle]

I think I chose the opposite. Although they probably have similar temperaments. But initially totally different behaviour and attitudes.

Unfortunately DH has now picked up DF's bad habit of drinking every day. And has none of DF's good traits (resilience, motivation, entrepreneurial, reliable, financially savvy).

So wish I had married someone more like my dad to be honest.

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

Complete opposite. I'd never want to date or be friends with someone like my dad

[Sgtmajormummy]

Definitely not like my father BUT a fair bit like my brothers in character (between them in age, similar tastes and interests, they all get on well).

So I suppose it's the familiarity and comfort of knowing what to expect combined with being drop-dead gorgeous (not at all like those two ) that have drawn me to him!

[OinkBalloon]

I think Skiptonlass hits the nail on the head with her description of your dad providing a template for relationships.

Certainly I've married my taciturn, reliable, intelligent dad! However dh and df are also very different in other ways.

[Horsemad]

Yes and No. I've married a good hardworking provider who loves his kids and wants the very best for them, but DH doesn't socialise much unlike my DF.

[honeyroar]

Yes they're very similar. Both very practical/ fixer types, both have high morals and are very loving/devoted. They get on well.

I'm over the moon. I didn't even think there were men like that nowadays (DH is quite old fashioned) and I've always thought my dad was one of the most admirable people I've met.

[defineme]

Definitely, both exceedingly academic and handsome,but dh is more gregarious and fair.

[Melonfool]

I hate my father so I hope not.

But there are so many character traits that there are bound to be a few overlaps in any two random people anyway.

[echt]

My dad felt, and expressed the view that a man should work hard for his family and stick to his last.

DH values the bringing home the bacon bit tremendously, too.

[ltk]

No, they are nothing whatsoever alike. Love 'em both.

[Brindler]

I thought (hoped) I'd gone for the opposite of my df but over recent years feel he is very much like my father. Although this thread has made me wonder whether I've turned into my mother which has in turn made dh more like my father ....

Interesting. Might now need therapy!??

[croon979]

My dad is a very selfish, uncaring and dislikeable person. I credit him only for showing me exactly the kind of man and relationship that I wanted and would accept; the one I have with my selfless, caring and kind husband who I absolutely adore. I was determined that I would wait to meet someone special like my other half. And, yes, my husband is the opposite of my father, thank god.

[ltk]

Also I think the reason I chose someone so unlike my Dad is that I myself am very like my Dad. Dh is seriously nothing like my mum, either! But I guess I was not looking for someone with Dad's characteristics because that would be me.

[DramaAlpaca]

Totally different in personality, but they do share the same values.

[AliMonkey]

Many similarities - work too hard, tend towards obsessing about things, love their children but put work first, have a hobby that costs lots of money (which both could / can afford), have a marriage that is often more like running the family business than being a couple but never show any signs of looking elsewhere (too busy working?), have heart problems. So worries me that DF retired then left my mum for a younger woman after decades of marriage where she had supported him by making sacrifices - and then he died of a heart attack. But not sure what I can do to turn things round as any suggestion of him working less so reducing his stress and enabling more time with me / kids is met with the answer that it's a nice idea but not possible.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

Not sure you pick up a partner like your parents but somehow you do end up with one like them.

[OttiliaVonBCup]

Having said that, I'm nothing like my MIL, so maybe I'm wrong.

[lavazzacoffee]

DH is quite like my dad in personality - quiet, very laid back, kind, clever and hard working. But they came from very different backgrounds - my dad's was very poor, and DH was from quite a well-off family. So they've ended up in different places in life, and you wouldn't think they were alike at first.

[FickleByNurture]

DH is very like my mum. They get on quite brilliantly because of it.

[HootOnTheBeach]

My boyfriend is a bit like my mum