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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Heartbroken

44 replies

gg321 · 30/05/2015 00:03

I'm posting on here as I'm just need to vent I think although I'm not even angry anymore just numb. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and we have the most beautiful baby who is just 4.5 months old. I am exclusively breast feeding and baby not the greatest of sleepers, up every hour at night, hubby gets a full night sleep every night. Understandably I probably haven't been the easiest person to live with, incredibly tired, hormonal due to BF. Irritable and all my time and attention goes to baby. I have now found out my husband has slept with another woman who he works with, says it was a one off and big mistake but he said he was feeling low and I wasn't being very nice to him! I'm devastated and I don't know what to do, I know only I can decide but I'm so confused as I do still love him but how can I forgive what he's done!? And ever trust again?! He would never normally even look at other women and I trusted him 1000% and now this.

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HellKitty · 30/05/2015 00:10

Oh god I'm so sorry. I'm rubbish at advice but just want you to know that you're not alone at this time of night.

Hestheone · 30/05/2015 00:10

Maybe if he'd got out of bed at night and helped you,you would have been nicer,the jerk.
Does this mean that every time you're not nice to him he's going to shag a colleague.
Can't tell you what to do but my opinion is,if he's done it once he'll do it again.
It's up to you whether that's something you can put up with or not.

Hestheone · 30/05/2015 00:13

Sorry posted to soon.
Meant to add..
Hugs for you and I hope you have some rl support,remember none of this was your fault

Vivacia · 30/05/2015 00:18

Can you manage if he leaves for a few nights? Ask him to, and consider what you want to happen. If there is to be a chance of saving your relationship he needs to understand what he has to lose.

thecolourpink · 30/05/2015 00:18

What a selfish shit he is. You need to weigh up all the pros and cons of staying with him/leaving him. If you stay its going to be very hard to build the trust up again. Does a leopard ever change its spots??

What's your relationship like in other aspects?

Vivacia · 30/05/2015 00:19

Tell someone in real life. Don't keep his secret.

mrstweefromtweesville · 30/05/2015 00:19

hugs. you can't think now. get him to leave for a while, if you can.

clarinsgirl · 30/05/2015 00:20

Sorry to hear this Heartbroken. Wise words from Hestheone.

You 'weren't very nice' to him so he shagged someone else. I'm sorry but your husband is a sorry excuse of a man who can't even take responsibility for his shitty behaviour.

Don't be rushed into making a decision and give yourself time to think.

gg321 · 30/05/2015 00:22

Thankyou. It's so hard. He's said sorry a lot over text messages but there's been no big heartfelt apology face to face, he seems to think he can make it up to me but Iv not even said yet that I am going to give him the chance yet. It's been 4 weeks since I found out and I'm hurting still too much to know what I want to do, how long will it be before I can make a rational decision on what's best for me and my little girl? He's also messaging me trying to be all normal as if nothing's happened, it's too weird

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gg321 · 30/05/2015 00:23

He's been gone for 4 weeks now, I asked him to go, I'm getting lots of support just finding it hard to know what to do

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clarinsgirl · 30/05/2015 00:26

Is he still living at home?

clarinsgirl · 30/05/2015 00:27

Sorry, crossed posts.

Reemy · 30/05/2015 00:29

You need to talk to him and find out why he slept with that woman. Also, ask your husband to change his work as this woman still works in the same place!!! Listen, try to make a balance between your husband and your baby xx

gg321 · 30/05/2015 00:29

Our relationship was good, or so I thought well until he got 'neglected' during my pregnancy and since baby arrived, I don't think he appreciates what having a baby is really like. But now he says we weren't good before I was pregnant, yes we argued but nothing out of ordinary, it's like he's saying this to some how justify what he's done

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clarinsgirl · 30/05/2015 00:30

Have you had face to face chats where he has answered your questions?

gg321 · 30/05/2015 00:30

She was being very very nice to him and I wasnt

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gg321 · 30/05/2015 00:31

Yes had face to face chats, I know all I need to, well what he tells me anyway

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bigbumbrunette · 30/05/2015 00:33

Do not let him try to put the blame on you. Before you can move on he needs to take responsibility for his own actions. Thousands of people have babies, it's how life is. Not all men go and find 'attention' elsewhere.

This is NOT your fault

GiddyOnZackHunt · 30/05/2015 00:33

I had moments of being a complete bitch during the sleep deprivation of bfing a baby (expressing didn't work for me) and I told dh his job was to suck it up. He was getting sleep! And because he was a decent man he did.
So your dh doesn't get to use the 'poor me' excuse.
He did wrong. You get to pick whether you are prepared to try again. How he handles you making the decision largely influences your response. If he thinks you should get over it then he's a twat. If he accepts he's been a twat and understands that you have a right to be randomly angry for a long time then you might make it.
Let it go now and you'll wonder what he's up to forever.

HellKitty · 30/05/2015 00:34

Have you told someone in real life? Don't keep his secrets.

gg321 · 30/05/2015 00:37

Yes a lot of people know his secret now

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clarinsgirl · 30/05/2015 00:37

Hmmm. I don't think that's an answer I could live with but you will have to make up your own mind.

He doesn't sound remorseful, in fact he seems to be of the opinion that his infidelity was entirely justified.

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HellKitty · 30/05/2015 00:39

Good. And are they helping you with advice and just trying to get through this?

gg321 · 30/05/2015 00:40

He says there's no excuse for it but he says that's why he did it

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hossenfeffer · 30/05/2015 00:41

You have given him the greatest gift and he can't cope. He's an asshole. He may grow up a bit if you, and your daughter, are willing to give him the opportunity.

He'll be an old man one day and regret what he's done.

The truth is that you are a mother with a young baby and that overrides everything he's now got to offer you.

You're in charge - don't let him forget it.

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