Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

New man, new problems

(17 Posts)
BorisStoleMyWig Fri 29-May-15 22:22:04

Name changed for this. Please be gentle!

I've been single for several years now (with the odd fling) but I've finally met a new fella. He's charming and considerate and I really enjoy spending time with him. But there's one slight problem - we've never had piv sex.

He's very physical and loves to be in contact with me. He's absolutely got me sussed in bed and I'm certainly never left wanting. Except I am - I would really like to have piv sex with him and/or for him to climax.

He never seems to display physical arousal but I've also noticed another potential problem. I know he used to be much bigger than he is now - and he's no skinny Minnie now. He's lost 8 stone. But this seems to have left him with a lot of excess skin which is, in effect, swamping his penis.

I don't know what to do. Any helpful suggestions, oh wise nest of vipers? flowers

BorisStoleMyWig Fri 29-May-15 23:00:06

Anyone?

pieceofpurplesky Fri 29-May-15 23:01:52

Ask him?

ClawofBumhead Fri 29-May-15 23:06:08

Poor guy's self-conscious I expect, you may have to coax him into talking about it.

Another thought, are you sure he's not a female to male transgender person?

BorisStoleMyWig Fri 29-May-15 23:12:02

When I asked him, purple, he just said he liked what I was doing, but never gave me any information on how to really get him going confused

claw I'm pretty sure he's not. He's had an easily traceable career for nearly thirty years and used to play competitive rugby. Nothing's impossible but I think it fairly unlikely grin

StaceyAndTracey Fri 29-May-15 23:25:55

If he has a lot of excess skin, then PIV sex will work better with you on top

pieceofpurplesky Fri 29-May-15 23:29:35

Hmmm. Stumped then. How long have you been together? Could you instigate?

BorisStoleMyWig Fri 29-May-15 23:39:08

We've been together a few months now. Since the new year. It took a few weeks even to get to semi naked stage as I think claw is right - he does seem to be very body conscious. I'm really not at all - I'm a comfortable size 16 but I'll strip in front of pretty much anyone grin He, on the other hand, is much more comfortable in the dark etc.

I think it's such a shame as he's a lovely guy. And let's face it - losing 8 stone is a massive achievement. It was all unaided too - no bariatric surgery.

I'm going to have to talk to him aren't I? I certainly don't want this to become a 'you must do something about this or I walk' convo as he is so keen to make sure I'm happy and satisfied sexually and he certainly makes me happy in other ways. I suppose I want to ensure that he's as happy as I am. I would hate for him to feel like he's not happy but can't talk to me about it.

Wotsitsareafterme Sun 31-May-15 20:55:53

Op you sound like a lovely, sensitive , open minded person. Instigate the conversation. Just get it over with I bet he's squirming about it and will be relieved if you get it out in the open

BorisStoleMyWig Sun 31-May-15 21:40:36

Thank you wotsits. I am really uncomfortable with conversations like this (shockingly awful rel history) but I guess I need to put my big girl pants on and sort it. I'll definitely wait for face to face though - I don't want anything being misconstrued! I really don't want to hurt him.

pocketsaviour Sun 31-May-15 22:22:39

I would probably just wait til you're having oral and then say "I want to feel your cock inside me", wait for assent (and a condom), push him on his back and mount up. As another PP said this position will be best if he has loose skin.

HappenstanceMarmite Mon 01-Jun-15 08:49:59

How old is he? Has he been married before/kids?

BorisStoleMyWig Mon 01-Jun-15 16:51:50

He's a few years off fifty. Married with two adult children but that ended when the kids were small. He's had relationships since then but nothing that's lasted more than a year or two, marmite.

ALaughAMinute Mon 01-Jun-15 19:23:55

Does he get an erection? If not, then he might have ED, in which case I think you should get him to see his GP.

BorisStoleMyWig Mon 01-Jun-15 20:47:02

Not that I've ever witnessed laugh. I think maybe it's that combined with the massive body under confidence. I should be staying over at his again next week so I think it's time for a frank chat. I just need to get over to him that I'm not necessarily unhappy or dissatisfied (desiring piv notwithstanding). We'll have to see how it goes confused

StaceyAndTracey Mon 01-Jun-15 21:57:33

Does he have diabetes ? You might need to suggest a visit to the doctor

BorisStoleMyWig Mon 01-Jun-15 22:28:48

Not that I'm aware of Stacey. I've heard that it can be a problem with that. I know his blood pressure isn't a problem as it came up in conversation the other week.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now