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Splitting up, what happens to the puppy?

(40 Posts)
Daniella195 Fri 29-May-15 15:26:07

Things have been going wrong with my partner for a while and I want to call it a day. I wrote a thread on this yesterday but this is a different issue. Bit of background, were both female I'm 20 she's 28, and this is one of many many problems.

My partner always said she wanted another dog to give her dog some company while she was out and because I had good working hours and so did she it seemed an ideal time to get one. While out she fell in love with a shiba inu, which is a smaller version of the dog she has now. So she asked my opinion I said it would be a good time and would share the responsibility of this puppy because it would be really hard work on her own. We had been living together for 2 months at this point.

This is where issues have started, she paid for the puppy herself however I was paying for half of her food bet bills etc while we were together.

Now were splitting up she's saying she got the puppy more for my benefit because I like puppies?Which isn't true! Of course I like puppies and said I would help with this puppy but when it comes down to it she says the puppy is half mine only when it suits her. For example of I want to go home to see my family says the dog is half mine and I can't be gone for longer than a night. But then dog isn't half mine when she's kicking me out.

She clearly got this dog because it's a minature of her current dog, I always wanted a pug! So she's asking for half of the vet bills, food for the rest of the dogs life. And I really can't imagine anything worse than having to be in contact forever and giving money for a dog I won't be seeing.

I've said I'm happy to take her full time, will give her the full cost she paid and from there on will pay for everything myself, I know she has an attachment to this dog but I don't want to alternate weeks looking after the puppy I just want this to be sorted. I really feel like she uses this puppy to control me, like I offered to take the puppy home with me while I visited family and she said no that's not okay(because she didn't want me to be gone for more than one night) and then when we split
Up tells me to take the puppy home because she doesn't want to get up every morning with her! It's double standards.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Fri 29-May-15 15:31:44

It's a difficult one. 8 weeks into a relationship isn't very long to be making a long term committment together such as getting a puppy. Can you come to some arrangement where you have shared custody, like you would if you were discussing children? Either that, or get rid of the puppy altoghether? I'm no dog expert, but I would have thought that a puppy would settle into a new home fairly quickly.

MostAmused Fri 29-May-15 15:37:30

I think either one of you has full custody and responsibility for bills and food or the puppy goes to a rescue to be placed with a suitable family. It's not fair on the puppy to be shared between two different homes and it does sound like you'd be best going no contact with your ex-gf.

Daniella195 Fri 29-May-15 15:40:09

We've been together for nearly two years only living together for two months sorry I should have been clearer! And that has been suggested but I really would rather one of us take her because of how volatile the relationship with my now ex partner is. Neither of us want to get rid of her she's a beautiful puppy and I'd be happy to have her and pay for everything myself but if my ex keeps her she wants me to pay half of all of her vet bills. And I just want to have my ex completely out of my life.

Daniella195 Fri 29-May-15 15:42:21

Thank you mostamused that is exactly what I want, there's no way id let her go to a home though. My ex thinks it's unreasonable that I won't pay half. But if the puppy was with me id never ask for anything.

VivaLeBeaver Fri 29-May-15 15:43:08

You're 20yo. You've split up with your girlfriend. This is a dog, not a kid....and I say that as a dog lover. You don't need to stay in contact with your ex and you certainly don't need to be paying towards food for the rest of the dogs life. She bought it and she's responsible for it. Why are you still in touch with her?

If I was single and met a bloke who was still in contact with his ex because of a dog im not sure Id be overly impressed.

Grow a pair and tell her you don't want to stay in contact and you won't be paying for anything to do with the dog.

VivaLeBeaver Fri 29-May-15 15:44:07

I've been married for 12 years and if me and Dh split up I wouldn't be expecting him to pay for future upkeep of the dog.

Floralnomad Fri 29-May-15 15:44:20

Well that's her choice then - she keeps the dog and pays all the bills or you keep the dog and pay all the bills , write it down for her so she knows her options and set her a deadline for a decision then get that in writing .

Fudgeface123 Fri 29-May-15 15:45:34

Have you told her that you'll take the dog and not expect anything from her? If so, what did she say?

QuiteLikely5 Fri 29-May-15 15:47:18

Ofgs! Is she some sort of con woman? All she seems to do is try to extract money from you!

Walk away from her and the dog......I'm sure she will find some other way of funding it

Daniella195 Fri 29-May-15 15:49:34

I'm still in touch because I'm currently in the process of moving things out. I half believe she's saying this just so we have to stay in contact and she can continue to have some sort of hold on me! She said if I took the dog she would want regular contact, we could alternate weekends or something like that. It literally sounds like hell, I do not want to spend the foreseeable future squabbling over who's looking after the dog.

Daniella195 Fri 29-May-15 15:50:43

I don't know if she's a con woman Or if she likes to have control of my finances!

Fudgeface123 Fri 29-May-15 15:51:12

Who name is the dog registered at the vets?

Fudgeface123 Fri 29-May-15 15:51:29

*whose

Daniella195 Fri 29-May-15 15:53:59

The dog is registered at the vets in my ex's name the same as her other dog.

pocketsaviour Fri 29-May-15 15:55:31

She said if I took the dog she would want regular contact, we could alternate weekends or something like that.

Leave the dog there and run for your life. There is no such thing as dog maintenance. Your ex is deluded.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 29-May-15 15:56:16

get your stuff and change your phone number or block her

VivaLeBeaver Fri 29-May-15 15:58:31

She sounds like she's verging on bunny boiler territory and I agree that it sounds more about it being a control thing.

thecolourpink Fri 29-May-15 16:22:05

I agree with MostAmused.

sadwidow28 Fri 29-May-15 17:07:55

Try to base the decision on who can give the puppy a better life. I can't guess who this would be because there are differing factors (e.g. another dog for company if it stays with your partner, but undivided attention if the puppy goes with you).

However, whoever gets the puppy will have to bear full financial costs and total responsibilty in the future, without weekend visitation rights for the non-custodial partner!

HTH

Offred Fri 29-May-15 17:38:25

She purchased the dog. She is the legal owner. She would have to sue you for the contribution and that would be vindictive.

I agree you have to choose who has the dog and in this case given the reasons for purchase it should be her.

I think you could just not indulge in this argument and tell her she is keeping the dog and paying for it herself since she chose the dog as a companion for her current one.

Offred Fri 29-May-15 17:41:04

You can't reason with an unreasonable person...

CSIJanner Fri 29-May-15 17:45:21

Who is on the microchip?

QueenQueenie Fri 29-May-15 17:46:42

You don't have to indulge in this shit you know. You are both young and (presumably) don't have children together to take into account. You sound far too nice and reasonable and she sounds just a bit bonkers. I think you need to be very clear and calm. State what you think very firmly, put it in writing if need be and extricate yourself. When you have sorted out the dog you can bet there will be something else...

DixieNormas Fri 29-May-15 17:50:14

Its a control thing, get your stuff, leave the dog and run for the hills. Change your phone number.

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