NC for this as it’s all a bit mortifying.
I have been with my DP for just over 2 years. Our relationship is great, he is my best friend and we rarely argue. I know sometimes the sex drops off a bit after a while in a relationship and this has been the case in all of my relationships…due to my lack of libido.
At first, I can’t get enough of them and then it just peters out…
DP and I DTD on average 3 x a week, depending on our schedules etc. However, even If we were to spend 7 days together continuously (on holiday for instance) we will probably still DTD about 3 or 4 x in that week. He would be happy with every day I think, but I just find sex a bit of an effort and get a bit bored?
Anyway, TBH, as bad as this sounds…I’m just never horny…It’s not that I don’t fancy him because I do, but I just find it really hard to get turned on, occasionally I will be, but most of the time it’s him trying it on and me ‘relenting’ and having sex. Often I get in the mood once we get going and then I am more inclined to want it again the next day etc, but I still find it hard work and always think what else I could be doing (I know, that sounds awful)
We had a bit of a chat the other night about our sex life, he seemed a bit exasperated and said that he is fed up of me never initiating sex. I have never initiated sex though really, with any partner. TBH, I like to be submissive in the bedroom which is where I think a lot of it lies because I think he likes the girl to take control a bit. He also said he’d like me to tell him what I like more, but I feel shy and awkward doing this and I don’t really know why.
I honestly feel like I’ve become a bit stale and boring in bed, I’ve never been as bad as I am now but I DO think my current DP has something to do with it. My ex was more selfish in bed BUT, actually, he got me more in the mood because he did a lot of dirty talk and took control/was dominant in the bedroom. My current DP is a lot better in bed in terms of technicalities and making me come…but he just isn’t passionate. It’s all very nice, loving, gentle and wish washy and it drives me up the wall a bit.
A bit of sexting etc helps to get me in the mood, but DP and I have never done this…he just doesn’t really do plain, rude dirty talk. He is loving and gentle….but do I dare say it…maybe a bit vanilla and ‘boring’ in the bedroom which, in turn I think has flicked my switch off?
I am contradicting myself though I realise as the sex in ALL my relationships has petered out after a while and my libido has decreased, whether there is dirty talk/ dominance or whatever. How normal is this though and how normal is the situation I describe above?
In a nutshell, I adore my DP, I fancy the pants off him and we have a good relationship, but for some reason, I’m just not that bothered about sex? 90% of the time when we have sex I’ll come, either through penetration or him using his hands/tounge so it’s not like he DOESN’T satisfy me…but it does seem to be the same couple of positions each time and he always likes it slow and gentle which just isn’t what I want ALL the time.
How do you communicate with your partner what you want? I think I found it slightly easier with exes as there was sexting etc going on which a) got me in the mood and b) helped me somewhat to convey what I’d like to happen in bed. I think maybe I need to try and initiate this with current DP more, although I have tried previously and it didn’t really go anywhere.
:sigh: I don’t know. Our relationship is great, we have good sex where both of us ‘get there’ if you get me, but I am starting to wonder whether we are compatible sexually, not in terms of libido but just what we like. I’m not sure whether my lack of libido/horniness is because I’m just a bit bored of our sex life or whether it’s normal to not really be bothered but get into it once you get going?
Have any of you had to educate your partners a bit in what you like or were you compatible from the start?
Please be nice, this post has been embarrassing enough to write!
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Relationships
Low libido….Feeling dissatisfied/bored in bed…. Is this normal??
Lowlibido91 · 29/05/2015 12:27
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