Hi
I have just become a member because I could do with hearing from others in similar situations or who have gone through similar.
Firstly I am going to make my fiance sound like a bad person. He isn't really (which is why I feel bad) but he can be ...difficult.
We are both 30, have known each other since school and have been together for almost 11 years. We have a girl who is almost 2.5 yes and have had a mortgage for about 9 yrs. I knew he drank every day but never even thought it could be a problem until recently - factor 1, I think he is an alcoholic but he won't admit it (not getting really drunk as far as I know, just needs at least 4 cans a night).
Factor 2, he has moods which last anything from a day to months. He will ignore me and any attempts at humour, snap at me or our child for no real reason, flits from being supportive about my work (I have a morning job, evening job and my own business which I admit does interfere with home life a bit but he knew it would when we discussed me starting it) to telling me to get a 'normal' job and making me feel bad when I walk out the door to go to work. When we 'get on' it is just like friends, not a couple which doesnt feel like enough for me any more. He works full time, Mon to Fri daytimes and says he gets fed up with the routine of work and home. The thing is I uses to have an office job and I am finally doing what I love to do (plus the extra bar work until my business is regularly enough to live on) and live how sporadic my days are and how much I get to see our girl now although she still has two half days at nursery so I can work and she can keep up with a more structured development.
I just can't do with his negativity any more, he lost his license and is depressed and I have to take him to and from work but some days he doesn't even acknowledge me or will snap at me and I'm thinking " wait, I take 2 hours out of my already busy day to drive you, work all hours of the week and never once moan tet you act as though I have done something wrong!) - I hate confrontation BTW and his attitudeakea me feel very nervous and tense.
I worry that our girl will think that's how it should be and find herself in similar relationships rather than happy supportive ones.
Then I realise that I am treated with more respect by my clients, customers and managers (all new to me) and realise I want a lot more from a relationship. We gave talked a few times, tried to make some changes but it still isn't what I want and can't see it ever being enough for me.
Am I wrong to finish the relationship? To ask that I stay in the house as I run my business from there and it is our girls home? What help would I get towards the mortgage working at least over 20 hours a week? Can I ask him to help with childcare as well as asking for government help?
Has anyone been through similar with a positive change to the partners attitude to life and being a parent or am I risking his problems getting worse? We recently had an argument and I told him it isn't working out which I thought he understood but this week he has been talking about our future and being nice so despite me sleeping on the sofa he obviously thinks it was just part of the argument and said in the heat of the moment (it wasn't I just chose a stupid time to say it)
I was supposed to have 'the talk' this week but on my nights off I fell asleep - lame I know but I feel exhausted by it all which is why I don't have the energy to keep trying. Just thinking about an amicable break feels lighter and more energetic... Sorry it's so long :-(
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Support / advice desperately required please...
20 replies
LLG123 · 29/05/2015 11:25
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.