Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I just don't get it

(38 Posts)
neverunderstandmen Thu 28-May-15 21:16:02

Why would someone in a casual relationship who seems to be developing feelings (inviting to family get-togethers etc) suddenly end it with no reason... I'm stumped. I was quite happy with the status quo.

ALaughAMinute Thu 28-May-15 21:18:08

Because he's found someone else perhaps?

Have you asked him?

neverunderstandmen Thu 28-May-15 21:20:22

His heart isn't in it apparently, which is at complete odds with recent behaviour..

pictish Thu 28-May-15 21:20:36

Met someone else I suppose.

pictish Thu 28-May-15 21:22:05

Sounds like an honest reason to me tbh. Maybe he didn't want to lead you on any more when he knew it wasn't happening for him.

neverunderstandmen Thu 28-May-15 21:28:37

I could understand if I were after something deeper but we've been pretty clear this is just about having fun. Can't decide whether I'm more upset about the loss of friendship (really fun) or sex (amazing)

TheHobbit Thu 28-May-15 21:30:51

Maybe he was falling for you and knew yiu didn't want anything more and it upset him.

MsJudgyPants Thu 28-May-15 21:34:31

Could be any number of things really. The best thing to do now is to cut all contact, don't text him, block him from any social networks, avoid places you'll know he'll be...just complete silence.

This will give you both the time and space to reflect on the relationship.

Norest Thu 28-May-15 21:35:23

Guess reaching the stage of meeting family etc makes you question if it is more serious or not...if he has had a think and realised his heart wasn't in it then he's done the right thing to tell you and be upfront. Ouch..but at least he hasn't strung you along or acted like a dick to get you to break up with him, or the other crappy things people do when they are too chicken shit to end a relationship like a grown up.

neverunderstandmen Thu 28-May-15 21:36:23

pictish and hobbit both scenarios have crossed my mind... if only he would give me a definitive reason...

confusedoflondon Thu 28-May-15 21:37:19

So if you were clear you just wanted fun obviously he's had his fill of fun with you and is ready for fun elsewhere?

confusedoflondon Thu 28-May-15 21:38:48

Why do you need a reason if it was just fun and casual - in essence THATS the reason isn't it, fun while it lasted etc

neverunderstandmen Thu 28-May-15 21:46:51

confused i guess i'm one of those people that likes to know why people do things

confusedoflondon Thu 28-May-15 21:50:08

It sounds like a casual relationship that has ended - casually. But I suspect you were maybe hoping it would develop into something more? Whereas I do think there are people where casual means just that and it's self explanatory IYSWIM

confusedoflondon Thu 28-May-15 21:52:58

do you think (and this isn't aimed) that when women agree or initiate a casual relationship they immediately unwittingly or otherwise rule themselves out as a serious proposition to the guy in question so when the innings are over so to speak its only natural the guy will move on to the next casual relationship or 'the one' who states they are in it for the long term ? Not being contentious. Just pondering I guess.

DinosaursRoar Thu 28-May-15 21:54:00

Well, he's probably trying to be nice about the fact that it really wasn't working for him, and while having sex and company was alright, it wasn't enough to make him want to carry on. some men are happy to string along the "she'll do for now" woman until someone "better" comes along, others find that unethical and would rather end the relationship they know isn't going to work out so they are single and can get back to looking for the "keeper".

It could be he's met someone else and wants to be single so he can pursue her, it could be that family meeting you have started putting pressure on if you are someone he's serious about and made him think "actually, no". It could be he just got bored.

It doesn't matter, he's been good enough to end it rather than bob along knowing it wasn't going anywhere.

neverunderstandmen Thu 28-May-15 22:01:21

Ended by text I should add. The behaviour just before (as in during the day before the text) is what confuses me. Hence the new username wink I suppose I should be glad , in a way. As lovely and fun as it was I may possibly need more maturity and stability in my life

Noneedtoworryatall Thu 28-May-15 23:14:59

Op why don't you ask him why? Tell him your feeling confused, no harm in that surely.

If you were good enough to sleep with an explanation is the least he could give you.

neverunderstandmen Thu 28-May-15 23:26:05

noneed i have already. Vague answer of it's for the best and has not responded to last text. I'd like to know, but not enough to nag someone who's clearly said all they are going to.

RobinandRowena Thu 28-May-15 23:29:47

At least you did't get in too deep as it was still at the 'casual' stage.

CactusAnnie Thu 28-May-15 23:37:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cutekoala Fri 29-May-15 06:56:27

it is horrible but really the truth is by the sounds of it that he just couldn't be bothered and he also can't be bothered to explain himself either. No reflection on you obviously he did like you but now he must have other stuff going on (not necessarily a woman).

Maybe you'll end up friends with him again if you really got on he might be back in touch at some point do find that happens a lot from men (not my personal experience but see that with other people).

But just forget it now and get on with your own things.

DrMorbius Fri 29-May-15 08:30:43

Something better has come along.

pictish Fri 29-May-15 08:36:34

I agree that he has not finished it because he likes her 'too much'. That is the stuff or girlish fantasies and not a thing that actually happens in the real world of adults.

cleanmyhouse Fri 29-May-15 08:50:11

Sometimes people just change their mind. It doesn't mean theres someone else, it just means they've changed their mind. It could be for one of a million reasons. Don't torture yourself trying to figure it out or try to get answers, just walk away with your head held high.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now