Relationship issues leading to a nervous breakdown?

[Thatslife72]

Hi just wondered on people's thoughts about this. I'm a single mum with 2 gorgeous children, I have very little help as no support network really, away from family members. I left my husband 5 years ago of course that was stressful, I did meet someone else, to cut a long story short I realised he wasn't the one and was no good for me and my children, very controlling and moody! I had a hard time getting him out my life but boy did things get worse. A friend introduced me to someone else saying 'I don't know why he's single' . I soon realised why, he was single, he was abusive mentally and physically he raped me, he was always loosing his temper, the police, domestic violence team were involved when I was trying to get rid of him. I'd be running away with my children, I was living on my own with loads of threats from him every day few months. I cried so much during that time but I found the strength from somewhere to deal with it all and keep him away from us. During this time my house got broken into, there was a leak in my house that damaged the house. My car died and I had to find a way of getting a new one, deal with all this on my own. I then moved house which was stressful, it fell through a few times and I was running out of money.

Eventually though I did move to a smaller house, I started to relax, enjoy life, make new friends, spend quality time with my children, get my business off the ground, I started feel more confident and I eventually met someone else very slow at first but it gradually got stronger, we went away together, I laughed a lot, I was happy at last, the children were happy and doing well at school. Then my body just started to change, I felt very tired at first had tests for iron etc, but all ok. Tried to carry on then I started to stop sleeping even though I was exhausted, then panic attacks started which I'd never experienced before. Fainting,I was depressed and emotional just couldn't stop crying even though there was no reason and I was happy. I felt complete panic all the time, haunted even it was the worst feeling I'd ever experienced I thought I was going to die,which made me panic even more. It was so hard as I had 2 children to look after, but I needed someone to look after me. My bf did his best but he lived 30 mins away and has his own kids. I eventually ended up on anti depressants, sleeping tablets and beta blockers! I'm off the sleeping tabs now and don't often take the beta blockers, but I'm now trying to make sense of it all. Maybe after years of problems and drama and being strong my body just went bang when I finally started to relax and be happy? Has this happened to anyone else or is my theory a possibility?

[Smorgasboard]

Sorry, no personal experience luckily but I'd say given what you've been through - which sounds horrendous- it seem entirely possible that you could have post-traumatic stress. I hope you manage to work your way through it. Sounds like you are a very strong person :)

[Thatslife72]

Thanks, maybe I was too strong for too long!? I'm much better now, back working etc, not 100% though, I'm just finding it strange it was the worst thing I went through apart from loosing my mum to cancer. I looked up post traumatic stress and it can happen months or years later apparently, I never knew that. The drs asked me if I was stressed or if everything was ok at home, I always said no and I was in a happy place when all this happened, but I didn't click at the time it could be linked to all that. It completely threw me as had nothing like that before ever!

[saltnpepa]

I think the fact you're linking the two events mean they prob are connected. You probably couldn't work out all the emotional stuff while you were focused on survival and once that burden lifted the shit hit the fan. Do you think you are recovering?

[Thatslife72]

Yes oh I definately am recovering, I couldn't go out at all, even though I simply forced myself out sometimes. I still had to do the school run even though I had double vision from all the drugs I was on, crying everywhere wot a mess! But now I am enjoying life again no panic attacks, just not quite how I was before all this happened, hard to describe. It started in august last year so it's going to take at least a year I think! I do still dream about things though

[missqwerty]

This has happened to me before. Whwn stressed for so long our body goes into survival mode and that means it reacts nervously to the least of stimuli. So you got to a better place but your body was still sensitized. Honestly as unpleasant and armageddon as it all feels, it can't hurt you. Google claire weekes free audios and listen to them. They explain it perfectly. If you let your body feel scared now, it will fade away and you will feel balanced again.

[Thatslife72]

Thank u, I will have a look at that, I felt so bad I was almost suicidal, but I kept thinking of my kids and all the things I had to look forward to. It's haunted me really as I could never go through that again!!

[lovespuds]

Sorry to hear of all you have been through.
I have had problems with panic and anxiety, and they always seem to come along after significant stress / problems... when I'm feeling safer and better. I don't know why. Maybe our bodies are used to a kind of "high alert" and then create one when there is nothing there, if that makes sense?

[lovespuds]

As saltnpepa was saying, yes, I think that's it.

[Thatslife72]

I must admit I was quite surprised how well I coped with the stress of it all at the time! I was strong and dealt with it all completely alone, I mean I had friends but there only so much they can do! I always thought panic attacks sounded awful but it always sounded pathetic when I heard people say they couldn't leave the house because they would have a panic attack. I now know it's because you've been strong for far too long!

Lovespuds have u had these panic and anxiety all your life or is it a recent thing?

[lovespuds]

I developed them as a young adult. I find they come back after difficult times, usually. Though they are getting fewer and more far between now (mid 30s), which I sometimes think is because I have more focus and direction, and I now put myself first a fair bit! You are definitely strong after all that, go easy on yourself, you have come so far.

[saltnpepa]

How about counselling or something, now you're feeling a bit better?