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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Getting married in two days and feel like running away

141 replies

sunshineandspiders · 26/05/2015 15:23

That's it really. I'm sick with worry that I'm doing the wrong thing. Guests are travelling tomorrow from all over the UK and I feel like the axe is coming down on my head. I'm so embarrassed and feel I'm going ahead with it just so not to look stupid.

My partner and I have been arguing for weeks about his negative sarcastic behaviour and more recently about his nasty arrogant attitude towards my daughter. He's like an addict who can't see how his behaviour is so destructive. Even after two days of intense discussion and arguments, the first words out of his mouth when I came in earlier were negative.

It's dragging me down and making me depressed. If I had more time I'd suggest some space apart to try and work out what the issue is. But I feel I don't.

I hate him at the moment and can't pull myself out of it.

OP posts:

Report

GoatsDoRoam · 26/05/2015 15:28

You don't have to go through with it.

Really, you don't.

Listen to your gut.

TheVermiciousKnid · 26/05/2015 15:29

Run, run like the wind. Much easier to cancel the wedding than getting divorced ...

He does not sound very nice, especially his 'nasty, arrogant attitude' towards your daughter. I think his behaviour would probably just get worse after the wedding, don't you? Is this a relatively recent change in behaviour? Do you think it's possible that he wants out but doesn't want to be the one breaking it off? I'm sorry you're in this situation.

Hissy · 26/05/2015 15:33

his nasty arrogant attitude towards my daughter.

this ALONE is enough to call it off. Please put your DD first in this regard, or she will end up thinking this is OK and she'll find herself with a man like him.

Pull out. those that kick off about it are not friends/good people. anyone that loves you wants to see you happy. this man won't make you happy, and he'll harm your child.

Don't go through with it. save yourself the hassle of having to wait for a year and then spending shit loads on a divorce.

Please call it off?

PeppermintCrayon · 26/05/2015 15:35

Call it off.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 26/05/2015 15:39

Please, please go with your gut. I had almost the exact same situation, OP.

My whole insides were screaming not to marry him but I felt I was "in too deep" with the money spent on the wedding, cake, etc.

The marriage ended anyway, but with a lot of abuse, stress, etc. in the 4 years it took me to come to my senses. I wished I'd cancelled everything instead.

flimflamflarnfilth · 26/05/2015 15:39

Call it off. I didn't and I regretted it every day. It's taken years to get out of the bind and all just to save face.

HootOnTheBeach · 26/05/2015 15:40

Take a deep breath and call it off. Do you have a family member or friend who is a very practical, no nonsense-type who can get the word out ASAP for you and sort of hand hold you through this?

Deep breaths love and don't do it.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 26/05/2015 15:40

Don't do it! Getting divorced in a year will be more expensive and embarrassing than calling off the wedding now.

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 26/05/2015 15:40

Call it off.

A neighbour of mine did it a few years ago, it was talked about for a few weeks but everyone concluded it was far better than going through with it and splitting weeks, months later.

Your friends will support you and those that don't you don't need in your life.

You can't say those words if you don't mean them.

Protect yourself and your daughter and don't do it.

sunshineandspiders · 26/05/2015 15:40

Never felt like I feel now. Everything tells me to break it off and it's going to cause so much trouble. Could be physically sick.

OP posts:

trackrBird · 26/05/2015 15:41

Well, it's about to get worse. I'm sorry.

Please, don't spoil your life, or risk your mental health, for fear of being embarrassed.

Fudgeface123 · 26/05/2015 15:41

Call it off, for the sake of your daughter, please don't go through with it

goddessofsmallthings · 26/05/2015 15:42

FGS DON'T MARRY THIS MAN!!! If he treats you and your daughter like this before the wedding, he'll be infinitely worse after.

Making a common mistake is no cause for embarrassment and you will only have reason to feel stupid if you compound it by going ahead with the wedding.

End this destructive relationship today, cancel the ceremony, and use the reception to celebrate your good fortune in discovering what he was like before he was able to inflict more damage on you and your dd.

You may be pleasantly surprised by the reaction of your guests but, if not, at least your head will sleep easy on your pillow knowing that you have done your very best for your dd.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't be swayed by any false charm he turns on to persuade you to go ahead - he's shown you what he's like and being married to him will crush your dd's spirit as well as your own.

NB should any of your guests decide not to attend, there's an army of hat-owning mumsnetters who'll be only too happy to step into the breach and toast the future happiness of yourself and your daughter.

RandomFriend · 26/05/2015 15:45

Call it off.

Let everyone who was planning to travel have their own weekend at home - or in the hotels that they have booked if this is the case.

Don't get married when you feel like this.

MyCatIsAGit · 26/05/2015 15:45

Don't do it. We got invited to a wedding that was called off the week before, they have both married completely different people, and, look so much happier than they ever did when together.

Honestly, tell your Mum or friend or whoever and they can do the telling, the cancelling etc. Think how you'll feel when that feeling has lifted.
Have a party instead!

Then work out how to get some time away from the situation.

LittleDecoRing · 26/05/2015 15:46

Slightly different but I called off my wedding seven months before. We spilt up. The weight immediately lifted off my shoulders once the emotionally abusive shit was gone.

As everyone else has said, you do not have to marry him. Please confide in one person in RL.

Hissy · 26/05/2015 15:46

This is him supposed to be on best behaviour... his mask is slipping, this wil only get WORSE love.

goddessofsmallthings · 26/05/2015 15:47

Why is it 'going to cause so much trouble' if you call it off?

What is the backstory? How did you meet? How long have you lived with him and does he have dc?

shovetheholly · 26/05/2015 15:47

If you said you were a bit jittery and nervous, I'd try to calm you down and tell you that it's normal to feel that before a wedding. But it sounds as though this goes much further, so my advice is: call it off.

I understand that this feels like the worst thing in the world right now - but it's not. It's really not. If you tell people right now, it's better than waiting until they arrive and going into meltdown then - or going through with it when you heart isn't in it. (People seem to be much harsher on that last thing than on calling it off. I dunno why. Maybe it's because they've parted with the present or something).

You don't have to give explanations or excuses - you can simply say that it didn't work out, and you just felt a sense of panic and upset at the very idea of going through with it. People WILL understand.

Guadalupe · 26/05/2015 15:48

How can this get any better if it's like this leading up to your wedding? It sounds awful. Save yourself and your daughter from misery and walk away. She only has you to protect her.

It will be a temporary embarassment and then you will be free. What would be your advice to a sister or friend? Run for the hills.

VenusRising · 26/05/2015 15:48

Call it off and the sooner the better, maybe guests will come and be with you and have a party, Maybe they'll be able to get refunds.
Anyone who loves you won't mind you calling it off, really.

Whatever about the expectations of a few guests, You have your and your Dds life to think about.
Please don't marry a man who is cruel and aggressive. Your gut is there for a reason, listen to it.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 26/05/2015 15:50

Honestly, people will think "OMG what's happened?" for a day or two and then will get over it. Nothing in comparison to the years of grief or the stress a divorce will cause later on down on the line.

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DarkHeart · 26/05/2015 15:50

Call it off

ommmward · 26/05/2015 15:51

Have a party with the guests anyway - and celebrate not getting married to this man!

dublingirl653 · 26/05/2015 15:51

call it off

poor you this is dreadful

it is fairer for everyone if you say Im sorry just can not go through with this.
People can talk all they like it is your life

hugs xxx

Flip

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