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Ever lose someone you thought you would be with forever, and blamed yourself? Did you move on to find someone better? Happy stories for a broken woman, please :(

(11 Posts)
breathealone Tue 26-May-15 14:30:16

Happy stories, please.

How did you deal with the break up, and how long until you met someone else? Did you ever lose someone who you really thought was the one, only to find someone better?

nj32 Tue 26-May-15 15:42:37

No help but i am in a similar situation so will be watching this thread.

Skiptonlass Tue 26-May-15 16:27:13

Yes I have. Had my heart broken into tiny tiny pieces in my twenties. Was utterly distraught. Genuinely didn't want to live.

I then met a lovely chap about a year later and was very happy for about 8 years. That ended amicably. Now married to a wonderful man who I wish I'd net ten years ago!

Oddly enough, chap no.1 contacted me a few months back to apologise for the awful way he dumped me and to say it's tormented him ever since. I actually laughed and said I'd not thought about him for years. Felt good smile

How did I deal with it? Not terribly well if I recall. I was very down. But, I'd just moved to a new town and started a PhD. I joined some outdoorsy sports clubs and threw myself into it all. Eventually it faded. I wish I could go back to me then and tell her it'd all work out beautifully.

Hugs to you, op. A broken heart is a broken heart and nothing much heals them but time. Be kind to yourself.

" time and the hour run through the darkest day."

FredaMayor Tue 26-May-15 17:28:54

Hi OP brew

I wouldn't want to minimise the shitty place that you are in at the moment, having visited it once or twice myself, but can I nit-pick with your heading?

'Forever' - none of us know the future. Blaming yourself - presumably there were two of you in the relationship so I can't all have been your fault. Someone better - yes sure, there will be someone more right for you. Broken - you could be feeling like a car crash dummy right now but it is your spirit that feels broken and that is an indomitable thing in a human, you will rise up from this. Of course you will, so acknowledge that deep down.

It takes as long as it takes to get over a split, I think it will help you not to put a time limit on your recovery from this lousy place but I promise you, you will wake up one day and it will be several hours before you realise that you have not thought of your ex since waking. Picture that hallelujah moment, and remember, if that person didn't want you then they absolutely do not deserve you or your emotion now. Look as the person's photo at the end of the process and rejoice that you feel.....nothing.

That's how it was for me, and I'm no superwoman, so you, and anyone else, be encouraged! x

twistletonsmythe Tue 26-May-15 17:52:59

Yep have been heartbroken - and after 4 years am more than happy on my own. Don't sit round waiting for some bloke to come and fix you and make everything ok. You need to find that happy within you for yourself - yep utterly corny I know, but stop waiting to be rescued. You don't need someone to validate you and make everything ok.

HerBigChance Tue 26-May-15 17:57:34

Am watching this thread with interest too and agree with twistletonsmythe about the importance of getting on with other things.

In the meantime... More stories of wondrous happiness please! Whether alone or with someone else.

Mitzimaybe Tue 26-May-15 18:15:35

I lost what I thought was the love of my life, back in my 20s. It was partly my fault, partly his, we both did things that hurt the other, and neither of us could quite find a way to get over it.

If I'm absolutely honest, I do think my life would have been better if I were still with him, but I know for sure that after what happened, we couldn't have stayed happy together - the same things got dragged up over and over again with any minor disagreement turning into a blame game. So we had to break up. He didn't move on for a long time and I suppose I kept hoping we would eventually get back together, but eventually he married someone else.

After years of less than satisfactory relationships, I eventually met someone I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with, and I'm happy. So it did have a happy ending for both of us.

purplebiro Tue 26-May-15 21:16:16

Yes.

I loved him like I'd never loved anyone before and maybe never will again and I lost him to a friend - he shouldn't've done it but, realistically (and it's taken me six years to really be able to see this) our relationship was f*cked before then - largely because of my issues that I was consistently failing to address.

He chose her and I thought I was going to die. I've truly never experienced pain like it and I hope never to again. But that pain pushed me to finally get the therapy I had long needed and - over the course of three years - I sorted issues that I had acted out from childhood onwards. Part way through that process I decided I needed to be single for as long as possible while I concentrated on understanding how I interacted with people and the problems that caused in relationships. About a month later I met my favourite person in the whole world. I discussed it with my therapist a lot and eventually decided it was worth the risk of just finding out how things would work.

Four years later and we are still together, I'm happier and more healthy (mentally) than I have ever been and our relationship is loving, funny, functional, supportive and...beautiful. Our love is very different from the love I had with my ex because it is built on something real, honest and equal, not something obsessive or based on need. Some days I miss the crazy heady madness of my old love but then I remember the reality of what I had - occasional bursts of joy punctuated by misery - as opposed to what I have now - happiness all the time.

You will get there. Deep breaths. It does happen.

confusedoflondon Thu 28-May-15 19:57:21

Had my heart smashed open last August when my exp of four nearly five years (who'd I'd known for 18 years) finished with by posting a short note through my letter box. He has never acknowledged me or contacted in any way since. So I cried every day for around six weeks. Every single morning. Would take dd to school still wearing my pyjamas with wet hair and come home and sob and the utter rejection. I was invited on a weekend to Spain with friends and dragged myself there. and laughed and remembered he was just one man. Came back got on tinder. Practised my flirt muscle to see if it still worked (it did). Started talking to dp, met him in person a month later. Now been together 7 months and so very happy and in tune. Like to think of it that the exp was just keeping dp's place warm. Really more happy than I ever could have imagined. Sex of course is brilliant, but the love is even better. If you'd have told me this time last year I could be so happy I would not ,could not have believed it. smile

Duckdeamon Thu 28-May-15 20:04:19

I don't believe in "the one" but once had heart very badly broken, got c depressed and about 6 months later made the mistake of missing lots of red flags with a new, superficially charming man who pursued me and got into an abusive relationship for a couple of years. In retrospect I wish I'd sought help for my poor mental health rather than struggling on.

It did turn out much better after that though!

TurnItIn Thu 28-May-15 20:12:39

Can I give you an alternative to finding someone better?

I had my heart broken, smashed to smithereens twice by the same man (my XH and father of my children). The pain was incredible. I took two years to try dating again the first time, and then three years the second time.

I have dated other men but I always seem to just end up with the same one in the end hmm so I think I have some co-dependency issues or something grin

Anyway, since my last unsuccessful relationship ended I have embraced my singledom again and I bloody, bloody love it. Honestly. I have taken up some new hobbies, my children are older so I'm not so knackered as I was before and I'm just really, really enjoying living my life, pleasing myself with no one to consider and no compromises to make. (Apart from with my kids obvs). Please consider this time after heartbreak as not a holding position before the next, better, more lovely man comes along - but instead as an exciting time to be as selfish and fulfilled within yourself as you can be.

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