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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Don't want to be friendzoned - what do I do next?

29 replies

DollyRocker1 · 25/05/2015 08:57

There's a guy called Paul that I've been volunteering with recently and feel that there might be a bit of a spark between us. ( This isn't the guy BTW that was overstepping the mark. He still likes me despite being told that I'm not interested.)

I see Paul in person every 1-2 weeks for volunteering and in the past couple of weeks Paul and I have been having a few Facebook chats finding out lots about each other. I think he asked me out via FB on Friday night but I was tired so I may have abruptly cut him off before we could sort something out. We were talking about arranging a sports night and then he said ....

"Great idea about sports night. Would have to find a sport that everyone can do. Bowling? I agree that the drinks are a bit boring. I went once, was just standing around chatting about nothing, should be a bit better organised. If my maternal granddad is anything to go by, I'm in luck. Should we go bowling at some point to find the perfect venue? ??"

I then said I would loved to but that I was tired and wished him a good night.

Sorry if I sound like a teenager but I'm pretty clueless. I'm next seeing Paul on Tuesday but I'm unlikely to be able to talk to him on my own. I realise that nothing may come of this but I have a tendency to friendzone myself with guys I actually like! So any tips on what I should do now would be appreciated.

OP posts:

Report

DinkyDye · 25/05/2015 09:01

Just pick the fb conversation up today or tomorrow and say right, when are you free for this bowling? You are over thinking it but that's exactly what you do when you like someone in the very early days

cutekoala · 25/05/2015 09:01

yep just ask him on tuesday when you are going bowling - whats so hard about that?

Good luck!

ALaughAMinute · 25/05/2015 09:11

Are you worried about accepting his invitation? Do you want to go bowling with him?

DollyRocker1 · 25/05/2015 09:21

No I'd love to go bowling with him! I guess I was hoping he may have contacted me first over the weekend but maybe he's thinking the same. I'm going to get my nails done this morning but will FB him at lunchtime.

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yougotafriend · 25/05/2015 10:18

Oh no, bowling will ruin your nails!!! (or maybe that's just me & the way I bowl...)

DollyRocker1 · 25/05/2015 11:41

Shellac nails are surprisingly resilient. I've pulled out drawing pins with them before. Rather embarrassingly I hated the colour they put on my nails so had to have them soaked off and redone.

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ImperialBlether · 25/05/2015 11:43

I don't get what he said about his maternal grandfather - can you explain it? Thanks!

DollyRocker1 · 25/05/2015 11:52

Imperial there was different bits of conversation mixed up there. The maternal grandfather bit was to do with how the saying goes that men can usually tell whether or not they will go bald from looking at what happened to their maternal grandfather.

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MadeMan · 25/05/2015 12:59

Yeah I was also a bit confused about the maternal grandfather part, I was thinking maybe he was a pro bowler or something.

littleflick · 25/05/2015 13:03

What does friendzoned mean?

DollyRocker1 · 25/05/2015 13:33

The friendzone is typically where a guy likes a girl romantically but either doesn't make a move because he's shy or he does pluck up the courage but the girl rejects him saying he's a great guy but doesn't want to ruin the friendship.

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MadeMan · 25/05/2015 14:09

Just see Paul tomorrow and like a previous poster said, pick up the bowling conversation then.

I doubt he'd friendzone you just because you were tired and feel like you told him to piss off said goodnight.

DollyRocker1 · 25/05/2015 17:00

I know it sounds easy on paper. I find making friends easy as I'm completely natural around people then. As soon as I like someone I start over-thinking and feel awkward

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JeanSeberg · 25/05/2015 17:03

Would have to find a sport that everyone can do

Is the bowling a group thing and not just the two of you? In which case ask him he fancies going for a drink some time.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 25/05/2015 17:15

Have you FB message him back OP? Go for it!

DollyRocker1 · 25/05/2015 17:21

hearts Not yet! Some people said wait til tomorrow. We usually chat in the evening so will message him after dinner.

Jean I took his message to mean that he wanted me to go bowling with him 'to find the perfect venue' for the group night.

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JeanSeberg · 25/05/2015 17:26

Sorry I missed that bit. When you chat later, say 'So about this bowling. I'm free on x y and z this week, are any of those good for you?'

MadeMan · 25/05/2015 17:44

"I took his message to mean that he wanted me to go bowling with him 'to find the perfect venue' for the group night."

If this is the case then I'd say he must fancy you. Nobody scopes out a bowling venue in advance like that, everyone just turns up on the night!

ALaughAMinute · 25/05/2015 18:01

Maybe he wants you to help him find the perfect venue for the group night?

I don't think he would bother asking you if he wasn't interested. Don't forget to come back and tell us what happens will you?

ALaughAMinute · 25/05/2015 18:09

happened, not happens

DollyRocker1 · 26/05/2015 23:05

OK, well no real update so to speak. Had a text chat yesterday which seemed quite flirty, and I did slip in something about looking for a bowling venue, but I didn't get a positive 'let's go on x date response.' And although we chatted quite a bit tonight I couldn't manage to get him on my own.

I've been led on quite a bit in the past so I'm just going to watch and see what happens next.

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MadeMan · 26/05/2015 23:23

How was the chat with him tonight, Dolly? Did it seem flirty to you like the texts, or was it just everyday run-of-the-mill, "I see West Ham qualified for Europe then" type of talk?

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DollyRocker1 · 26/05/2015 23:34

I'm definitely feeling there's an under-current, he gave me a wink and a big smile when I came into the room and there were a few little innuendo moments. But he's in his own words 'super relaxed'. He's also Scandinavian so he may just have a different way of going about things. I'm not going to start any more FB chats but wait and see what he does next.

I was hoping that meeting guys in real life would prove better for me as I've had no luck with online, but it's just as confusing just in a different way!

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JeanSeberg · 27/05/2015 06:11

Just ask him out!!!

DollyRocker1 · 27/05/2015 20:51

But I don't want to be the person who's doing all the running. Otherwise I look overly keen. I started the last FB chat. If he comes to me in the next few days I'll bring it up the bowling again or suggest something else.

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