This is about a sister relationship so I'm not sure if am posting the right place or whether "relationships" covers family and friends as well, so apologies if out of place!
Anyway, to give a bit of background, my mum died several years ago when me and my sister were in our early 20's.
We hadn't been close to each other throughout our teens, lots of bickering and not seeing eye to eye but somehow I suppose we would eventually grow out of all that.
I went to uni at 18, meanwhile my sister gets a boyfriend at college and gradually spends all her time with him. When I was home from uni I would eat meals with my parents naturally, and they would eat theirs up in her room. To this day I don't really know why my parents allowed them to be so antisocial all the time. If my mum was still here I would of course ask her but I don't feel I can ask dad, he just isn't a talker.
The years went by and I would barely see my sister even when in the same house. Things became so awkward between us as we basically didnt know each other. Occassionally we would row because I couldn't always bite my tongue about the way they treated my parents house.
During the time mum was ill, she didnt really make any effort to spend anymore time with her, alway with her bf, but that was her choice and I never brought it up.
When mum died we had a big chat about how we should try and make an effort to get along and pull together as a family. But no, even though I was living at home for a few months until I moved for my job, she just carried on the same way with her bf, kept themselves to themselves and then got their own place so that meant I saw them even less, basically christmas and sometimes on dads birthday. They have been together about 12 years now and to be honest I hardly know him!
Over the years I have found it very hard that they live within 10mins of my dad and it is a rare occasion that he gets invited for dinner. He regularly doesnt hear from her for over a week. I live an hour away so see him every other weekend usually. He keeps himself busy in the week but he has no social life so unless I see him at the weekend he spends it alone as siater and her bf never bother.
When I was pregnant I thought maybe things will change. Throughout my whole pregnancy (which was not plain sailing) and my recovery from csection, she did not once ask how I was. DD is now almost 2 and I have never even had a text asking after her.
I have made serveral attempts to reach out since DD was born. I would text sister to say when we would staying at dads and would she like to catch up. The majority of times she would show up last minute usually with out bf, and it seemed obviously to me she was only there as she felt she should.
Last christmas they spent the day with us and dad. Sister and her bf barely acknowledged DD was there. Now, I know lots of people find children v boring and dont know how to act around them but I thought they could have made a small effort at least.
So the situation now is, my sister has not seen DD since christmas, nor has she contacted me to ask how she is. I have purposefully not been telling her when we were staying at dads because I got fed up of feeling that she only came she see us when she felt she had to. I wanted to see if she would show any interest in her family on her own accord.
We are amicable when we see each other but there is no relationship to speak of. I have been very hurt that she has made zero effort with her only niece.
I am so close to going 100% NC. I hate the thought of the token birthday and christmas presents for Dd every year, what is the point if they don't care about seeing her?
I think the only thing that stops me going NC is I know it would hurt my dad. Also we have our wedding coming up soon and I don't to make things awkward.
I posted the wedding invitations recently and have heard nothing from sister. I text her this week to thank her for a birthday card and asked if she had recieved invitation and how were they both, no reply.
We are going down to dads tomorrow, I probably should tell her and give her a chance to come and see DD but again I feel why should I as she never contacts me.
It isn't just me they don't bother with. From last christmas back to the one before they didnt see my gran once who only lives 15mins from them. To my knowledge they havent seen her this year since christmas either.
The only family we have left on my mums side is my auntie and our cousins. She doesnt stay in touch with them. My auntie rings her every few months, it is never reciprocated.
Many times I have been tempted to go round to their house and ask them why they are this way but I hate confrontation and it would only make things worse.
Sorry for the absolute essay, I'm not really even sure what I'm asking here, I just wanted to get it all down.
I suppose I could text her and ask why she hasnt replied. Or I could ignore that she hasnt replied and let her know we are down this weekend but if we see her I know underneath I will be feeling angry. Or I can just do nothing and carry on brooding about it! Maybe I should just accept she wants nothing to do with me, DP and her niece
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Feel have reached end of the line with my sister
ColdTeaAgain · 23/05/2015 21:58
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