and it's making me into a person I don't want to be.
I, at this moment in time, just feel utter utter contempt for him.
He has let me down so comprehensively this past month that I am starting to feel consumed by bitterness and anger. To put it into context this are some of the actions he has done, please can someone read through them and tell me if I am over reacting or if this would be a normal human response to this behaviour. I feel like I'm going to explode
- I had to do a police video interview 2 weeks ago about being raped as an 11 year old by my cousin. He promised to look after our 3 year old DD, take the day off work, get the dc's tea, help me get them dressed that morning Etc. Just be there to parent because I'd be a mess. 4 days before he turned round and refused as he was going out on the lash the night before and would be too hungover to look after the kids. I had to scramble last minute childcare.
- He phoned me at 1am the night before my interview, smashed out if his head, demanding that I get the 3dc's out of bed and drive 65 miles and collect him and take him home as he didn't have any money. I refused and he screamed I was a fucking cunt who deserved everything shit that had happened to me.
- I had booked a 3 day break abroad in Spain next week, he is making me come back a day early, pay £160 extra to change my flight so he can go for a bike ride. When I said this wasn't fair he said tough shit.
- He was paying the childcare bill (about £80 a month) instead of any maintenance for the kids. He won't pay it now. Because he is paying 'my half of the mortgage' on a huge house that he won't sell. A house that I hate and was forced into buying anyway.
- He is putting a huge amount of guilt and pressure on me to apply for a new mortgage on above house so his monthly payment decreases. When I refused he said I was selfish and not putting the dc's needs first. They stay there 2 nights a week max. He rattles round it his own.
So I am furious about all if the above as well as the 10 years of utter torture he put me through when I was with him. Am I being ridiculous and dramatic? Why am I so angry? I'm a really laid back person by nature but I'm turning into a snappy, irritable, shout mother and I HATE myself for it. Help.