Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

ANY success stories 35+?

(24 Posts)
Jasmineskye Wed 13-May-15 07:37:35

I'm 35 in September. Very single. I'm trying to be cheery but in reality it's really getting me down; all I can think is death in an apartment eaten by Alsatians a la Bridget Jones ... not sure that's the best way to be thinking about things!

Jasmineskye Wed 13-May-15 07:38:17

Sorry, pressed send too soon.

I don't have any luck with the Internet (have tried a few sites now) and 'real life' is so busy it's unlikely I'll meet anyone there.

Am I doomed?

MadeMan Wed 13-May-15 07:48:34

You'll be fine as long as you don't buy a German Shepherd in later life.

35 is still young.

Playthegameout Wed 13-May-15 07:53:46

I have a few friends in their mid to late 30s and my sister is 40. Two of my friends met their partners in the last few years (aged 36 and 38. My sister doesn't have a partner but she dates loads. She doesn't do od but she is a really outgoing person and she is happy to try out loads of different activities. I think you'd be mad to write yourself off while you're so young. I can understand you feeling the pressure if you want to have children, but even so there is still time. From what I've seen, the key seems to be focusing on yourself and enjoying life, trying out hobbies and widening your general friendship circle, and that seems to lead to meeting potential dates. Can't comment from personal experience because I'm shy and awful at making friends. I was lucky that I met my dh at work, so could any opportunities come that way?

Jasmineskye Wed 13-May-15 08:04:06

I tend to work a little 'ad hoc' just at the moment. I have a long term temporary position but no men - well, there are men, but they're all attached. sad

SoozeyHoozey Wed 13-May-15 08:14:10

I'm nearly 35 and was single for years, with nine year old ds. Early days but I'm currently very happy with my best friend turned boyfriend. He's the nicest bloke I've ever been with, I was always attracted to wankers in the past. It is much harder dating in your 30s than 20s but I do believe you can find long term happiness.

Playthegameout Wed 13-May-15 08:21:07

That's a pity, but there are other options. How about your hobbies? My sister meets all her dates through trying stuff out from book clubs to coast steering. Most of them have been lovely, the only reason she doesn't have a long term partner is because she has so much fun dating. Is there anything you currently do or want to do that could widen your social network?

TiredOctopus Wed 13-May-15 08:23:10

I was 36 when I met DH. I was 38 last week and we are married with a beautiful 8 month DS. I really didn't think it would happen for me either but it happened when I least expected. thanks thanks

LomaLinda77 Wed 13-May-15 08:25:51

Met DP just before I turned 35, though did not get serious for a while. We now have 2 lovely DCs. You're not doomed.

I approached online dating as a science (read books on it etc), and got lucky.

SoozeyHoozey Wed 13-May-15 09:04:06

sorry forgot to add I met my boyfriend (too early for dp ha ha!) through work but that's mainly cause I was always too limited with childcare to do Much socialising/online dating. If you've no kids, old and general going out/joining clubs are definitely the way to go.

newoldmum Wed 13-May-15 10:26:32

39, divorced. With new Partner just over a year and pregnant! No previous children.

Doggydaycarewannabe Wed 13-May-15 10:34:10

At 37 I met my (to be) DH after being single for over 10 years. I wasn't looking for it, didn't expect it and it hit me totally out of the blue.

Married a year later, blissfully happy, and have a wonderful 5 month old DD with our 5 year wedding anniversary in August.

I came with 7 cats, a horse and 2 dogs. He didn't care. grin

Jasmineskye Wed 13-May-15 10:44:17

Where did you all meet these men? smile

kavanaughkj Wed 13-May-15 10:49:12

36 here and engaged to be married to a lovely gent I met when I was 34. I'd all but given up myself but stayed chatting online to friends I'd met through an online game. When I offered the chance to stay over at mine to a few of them (I'd met most of them already IRL), my now fiance was the only one who could make it - and we clicked right off smile It's all happened quickly but I feel like I've known him my whole life. Don't give up!

Taghain Wed 13-May-15 11:31:29

My best friend dumped her man of 14 years when he took to alcohol and betting. At 36 her first trials of OLD led to a wedding 2 years later.

JessieMcJessie Wed 13-May-15 11:45:51

Me, me! Was in a cohabiting LTR from 25 to 30, got dumped unceremoniously not long after my 30th birthday. Rebounded almost instantly into a toxic relationship with a narcissistic Love Rat, emotional nightmare but awesome sex..

Alongside Toxic Love Rat internet dated like mad until I was about 35, dated some utterly awful men and got heartily sick of reliving the same first date over and over again. Found speed dating more fun/better use of time but didn't find anyone long term from it. Did manage to get fit in all the spare time I had without a boyfriend though.

Then got transferred to Asia with my job, arrived the day before my 36th birthday and was pretty sure I was destined to be single forever, since all the single men here had lots of pretty young Asian girls to choose from. Utter drought for a year then met DH (also British) at a beer festival and not only was he single with no baggage we fancied each other. Got married in June last year - he is 37 and I am 41 now. We're ttc, hasn't happened quickly and in an ideal world would want to have started sooner but I think it will still happen for us. We're very happy.

My suggestion would be make radical change in your life such as moving cities or jobs (continents like I did may be a bit extreme!) and throw yourself into non dating social activities. My route to DH was via a pub quiz, then a dragon boating team, then a scuba course, each new activity being suggested by someone from the last one and bringing with it new friends until the mutual one of DH and me who invited us both to the beer festival.

I enjoyed a book called 'How to find a husband after 35, what I learned at Harvard Business School" by Rachel Green something or other - sure Amazon will throw it up - it's a bit American but helps give focus. Or her other book "Have him at hello" if you're not getting anywhere on dates.

I know how it feels to be in your position, I had some horrendous periods of real despair. But it's not over yet, good luck!

flora717 Wed 13-May-15 11:49:50

I met my husband age 36 (because he was a friend of a friend). A good friend met her partner aged 37 (online). Another friend (40) has just moved in with a guy she met through work.

wideboy26 Wed 13-May-15 12:12:29

Two examples from close friends. The first I first got to know through work when she was 30, and looking. 11 years later after a few failed brief relationships she met a guy and, taking it slowly, they clicked. 10 years after that, they married. Children are obviously out of the question, but they are very happy. At their wedding she made a very moving speech thanking her parents for providing her with a first rate education which gave her the judgement needed to choose a life partner.

In the second example, neither had been married before when they met in their early forties. They clicked immediately and married in 2005 after a fairly short romance. They now have 3 children (including twins). Three young children in your early fifties is very hard work, but they count their blessings daily. For us (in our sixties) it's like having grandchildren!

It's not necessarily game over at 35.

Newquay Wed 13-May-15 12:18:45

Me too met DH at 37 and now at 41 we have 2 kids.

I met him through a surf club - lots of camping and surfing. I think that an outdoor activity club is a good bet.

But I did a lot of dating too - asked mates to introduce me and Internet dating too. All very exhausting and I wasn't really into it. But I was into surfing and camping.

Skiptonlass Wed 13-May-15 12:26:07

I've met guys through clubs where I joined for outdoorsy stuff (not to meet men , just because it was fun and to make new friends as I moved about a lot.)

Bars, clubs, pubs etc are rarely a good bet. Online dating can be a minefield (although I've seen several friends have good success too so your mileage may vary.)

Personally I'd go join your local hiking/surfing/scuba diving/canoeing club. You'll meet a good bunch of people, have fun and even if there are no men there who are single, you'll have a whole new circle of friends with brothers/friends etc who might be single.

Having said all that, I met my utterly non-outdoorsy Dh at work! First work relationship ever, I was almost 35 when we met and now up the duff with our first and very happy. Life's funny that way.

I think the key is to expand your social circle with nice people without dating being your first focus - then from that expanded circle you have more choice and more connections.

MarniRose Wed 13-May-15 12:26:40

I had a baby at 36, split up with the father and I got married to someone else last year aged 42 and he's amazing and we are very happily married so I wouldn't write yourself off just yet

RegTheMonkey1 Wed 13-May-15 13:11:30

I broke up with a boyfriend when I was 41 and was single for a year. Met my now husband in a wine bar a year later when I was 42. He was 34. We were married within 6 months - that was 19 years ago.

tenderbuttons Wed 13-May-15 13:40:38

I met DH at 36, online. We've been together for 14 years now and have a DD. So glad I didn't settle down before, he's the nicest man I have ever met.

GymBum Wed 13-May-15 14:17:07

It's not too late... I met DH when I was 35, we got married when I was 37 and had DD when I was 38. It's never too late..

5 of my friends/colleagues (3 female/2males) have met their DP/DHs online (Match, PF and one on a site called SugarDaddie ha ha ha each to their own)

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now