Discussing issues that arise with my husband is extremely difficult for me. We never resolve anything, we just argue and fight then he goes into the "silent treatment" mode, sometimes for months at a time. My husband doesn't have many friend but five years ago he was reunited with his childhood friend from his old neighborhood. He now wants to spends a lot of time with him and is constantly inviting him over on the weekends to "help" with yard work. His friend, Tom, arrives on a Friday evening and stays until Monday morning (he lives several hours away). During the first year I noticed that Tom mostly spent his time drinking beers and smoking cigarettes while they worked in the yard laying mulch and pulling weeds. My H is fanatical about the appearance of our lawn and spends most weekends tending to it. As a family, we do not spend much time doing fun things together since his lawn is a priority to him. We have two children in their twenties and one ten year old son. The last time Tom was staying at my home, he acted very inappropriately towards me and my family. He is a problem drinker and proceeded to get drunk. During his last stay he proceeded to tell me that he always had a "crush" on me and that he wished that we had gotten together way before I married my husband. Tom stated that I felt the same way and if it weren't for his friendship with my husband we would have had a relationship. I was totally baffled by this since I never felt this way at all. I told my husband that I no longer wanted Tom to spend weekends at our house because now I feel very uncomfortable and I am a little upset that he gets so drunk and claims not to remember how rude and annoying he always behaves to other people. My husband feels that I should tolerate his behavior because it is his friend and after all he tolerates my family when they come to visit, so I need to do the same for him. I am so confused. I doubt almost all my feelings and never know if I am wrong or right. Am I being unfair, should I tolerate this kind of behavior to make my husband happy?
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I used to live opposite a man who was obsessed with his lawn. He was out there every single day weeding, feeding, scarifying, mowing, and then he used to sweep the pavement all around his house as well, it was never ending. You couldn't even peg him as a true gardening enthusiast as he never planted any flowers or bushes or grew any herbs or vegetables, it was purely all about the grass and the pavement. 
I remember thinking what a sad, weird, boring, obsessive individual he must be and feeling really sorry for his wife.
The lawn thing would be a deal breaker enough for me, even without Tom thrown into the mix.
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