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DP and text messages

(59 Posts)
PatMullins Sun 10-May-15 21:02:05

I'm pretty sure this will put me in RL but I need somewhere to get this out

Yesterday I needed to use DP's laptop. His text messages pop up on there as they are sent/received.

The most recent exchange was him discussing his (our, but zero mention of me..) upcoming gym membership with a woman he knows from when he used to attend (before we were together)
She was trying to convince him to join her gym, him asking her to join one near us- long story short it turns out they want to be each others "motivation" and her being there would make it "worth the trip"...charming really, since we were planning on going together

This morning I tried to be nosy..I know, I know.
He has put a password on the laptop message thing.
He's taking his phone everywhere, it hasn't left his side.

I really don't know what to make of this, and I'm not sure if I'm making a bit deal about nothing?

And yes I took pictures of the exchange and emailed them to myself.

Jenoftheweek Sun 10-May-15 21:05:41

No you are not overreacting.

What do you think you should do? Watch and wait? Or talk to him?

ALaughAMinute Sun 10-May-15 21:11:01

She's probably just flattering him to get him to join her gym. Unless you have any other reason to suspect he's up to no good, I wouldn't worry about it.

NaiceNickname Sun 10-May-15 21:18:33

I'd be going this gym with him, even if he picks the one near her. Tell him how happy you are that you are going together and you can be each others motivation smile and watch his jaw drop. Silly fool.

The exchange could have been brushed off as maybe innocent, his actions afterwards however turn it into something not so innocent. Sit back and keep watching for now would be my advice.

PatMullins Sun 10-May-15 21:23:00

Hmm, see, I'm not sure
I thought I'd get some reasoned responses before talking to him, just in case I'm making something out of nothing

From the text messages I can see they've been messaging on Facebook too, him asking if her boyfriend goes to the same place as her, him checking where she lives and her inviting him round, messages ending with kisses

I just know if this was the other way round he would go spare

PatMullins Sun 10-May-15 21:24:01

He's very 'off' with me
Barely said two words to me all evening sad

AnyFucker Sun 10-May-15 21:24:40

I just know if this was the other way round he would go spare

that's all you need to know, isn't it ?

PatMullins Sun 10-May-15 21:34:20

I've just realised my thread title is almost identical to another active one so I've asked for it to be changed

We are going together to a different one. I've dropped hints about the conversation but he hasn't looked shifty
I know it's a bit pathetic to be playing games, but I really don't know what I'm doing

We've just had a baby sad

AnyFucker Sun 10-May-15 21:36:12

his behaviour is well shifty though

isn't it ?

PatMullins Sun 10-May-15 21:38:20

I suppose it is, AnyFucker
I'm not sure if it's because he's picking up on bad vibes from me- but I know I shouldn't bother making excuses for him

worrieddadof2 Sun 10-May-15 22:35:08

I think if you weren't going to gym this would seem ok, but the fact you are going makes it very suspect. Why would he not see you as "motivation"?
You deserve a clear answer.

PatMullins Sun 10-May-15 23:10:00

I don't know if I should talk to him about it- even if I tried I wouldn't know what to say

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Sun 10-May-15 23:16:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PatMullins Mon 11-May-15 06:34:55

It is password locked, but I know the code unless he's changed it recently
He would usually leave it laying about when he comes in from work for a shower etc but it's been glued to him for the last few days. It's always on loud too but he's turned the sound off.

That and suddenly putting a password on the computer thing makes me think he KNOWS it's innapropriate and would upset me, so can't be brushed off as an innocent conversation, surely?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Mon 11-May-15 06:55:23

Adding a password, keeping his phone next to him and turning it on silent are all signs that he is up to no good.

PatMullins Mon 11-May-15 07:14:51

This isn't looking good, is it

By 'yesterday' in my OP I meant Friday. He didn't text me all day which is unusual, he said work was hectic and that was why.

Except he found time for her sad

He's just left for work without so much as a goodbye, I feel really pathetic now

PatMullins Mon 11-May-15 08:32:59

Do I tell him I know?

Woodenheart Mon 11-May-15 08:36:58

I wouldn't tell him yet, I waited a while to gather more 'evidence' because that was best for me to do that at the time.

newoldmum Mon 11-May-15 08:38:46

Yes. I would nip this in the bud now. What's the point of not? To see how far he'll go?

Vivacia Mon 11-May-15 08:51:36

I don't think that he's cheated on you. But it's not for lack of trying.

There's something in the way you write that makes me think he'll deny everything and get quite angry - turn it all on you.

PatMullins Mon 11-May-15 08:56:52

I'm wondering if I should try to get his phone at some point to see if a) there are more messages and b) if he's deleted them. Obviously if he's deleted them then he knows it's wrong so can't plead ignorance.

Vivacia denial is exactly why I took pictures of the messages, he is the type to play dumb

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Mon 11-May-15 08:59:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Mon 11-May-15 09:00:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fieldfare Mon 11-May-15 09:03:55

Why wait for it to escalate.
Can you not say to him that you've seen something that concerns you, it upset you and you feel that it was inappropriate especially with his behaviour lately with his phone.
Don't allow him to minimise it. If it were you behaving like this how would he feel?

pocketsaviour Mon 11-May-15 10:14:24

I would say to him that you've seen the messages popping up and you are not happy and you'd like him to immediately unlock his phone and hand it over to you.

If he refuses then you know he's either banging her or planning on it. But then you know that already, right?

He has probably gone cold because you didn't cover your tracks when you checked his messages. Forgot to erase browser history etc. So he knows you're checking on him, but he's playing it cool in case you didn't actually see anything.

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