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Childrens contact with abusive ex

6 replies

Oldname · 09/05/2015 15:07

I've been split up from my exp for 18 months now, we have ds3 and dd1.
I know ex uses cannabis and has in the past used cocaine - this caused him to develop seizures.
He didn't want to split up and contest with the kids was very difficult in the early days, I encouraged a lot of contact even though he was constantly abusive to me in front of the kids - he has broken windows trying to get in my house while myself and the kids were inside, he has threatened me in front of them, sworn at me, told the kids it's my fault he doesn't live with us etc etc. He has received a harassment warning from the police who referred us to social services because they thought our DS was scared of him (tbf I dont think this was founded).
So current situation is that exp started on me at drop off 2 months ago, in front of the kids, so I took them away and they have not seen him since. I had warned him I'd do this if he continued this behaviour but I don't think he believed I'd do it.
Now I've had constant calls/texts etc, calls to my work, abuse given to my family members. A lot of the texts I receive are nasty so I just ignore them.
My question is if you think I'm doing the right thing, or advice on what is the right thing to do for the kids. I called ss but we are not under their care, they did say I had to protect the kids but that was all really.

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woowoo22 · 09/05/2015 15:23

Phone the police and log the abuse.

The right thing to do is protect your kids from him. Who the fuck breaks a window? That's horrendous. It sounds like they are better off without him.

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Oldname · 09/05/2015 15:27

Thanks woowoo. The only reason I doubt it is that I worry the kids will hold it against me when they're older, even though I know he's no good for them. Also, I've heard that even exp's who have hit their partners still get contact, and my ex never actually hit me.

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woowoo22 · 09/05/2015 15:41

I really don't think they will. They are probably shit scared of him.

And don't fall into the trap of minimising what he did because he didn't hit you.

If he wants contact tell him to take you to court.

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woowoo22 · 09/05/2015 15:42

And ss seem fecking useless, obviously you're meant to protect them but he's not meant to abuse you/them! Would def involve the police.

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ArseForElbow · 09/05/2015 15:48

SS did the same with me, my DC are a bit older now but refused to see their Dad, it was a no brainer to me I just stopped all contact, he has finally accepted that now.

SS would be the first to jump in should there be problems with him in the future.

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Oldname · 09/05/2015 16:58

They did refuse to go with him at first and for a long time but I persevered and went along with them for a while, that was probably a mistake looking back now.
I was hoping social services would give me advice and act as a middle man but no.