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Is it possible for a relationship to work with a big age gap?

(24 Posts)
Hangingonathread333 Wed 06-May-15 09:13:02

Good stories please ( and the bad ).

I have just come out of a manage with a older man ( 14 years difference ), there was a lot of problems in the marriage but not necessarily related to the age gap.

I am now casually seeing a man ( nothing serious at all, just a bit of fun but might get serious in the future ) and there is a big age gap, I am in my early 30's and he is 50. I don't know if I should walk away now before things get serious ( feeling confused ).

Could it ever work out with such a big age gap? Any one else have a similar age gap and things have worked out ok?

pocketsaviour Wed 06-May-15 09:15:11

I had a 15 year age gap between me and my late husband. We had actually separated before he died, and he did die very unexpectedly and relative young (51). However you do have to keep in mind that his physical health is likely to fail far in advance of yours.

Mixedup22 Wed 06-May-15 09:20:33

How long ago did marriage end ?
Perhaps its a bit soon.

holeinmyheart Wed 06-May-15 09:20:42

My DB married at 53 and she was 32. Ok, at the time but move 10 years ion and he has health problems and can't work.
My SIL is going to be looking after him and working for a long time. He is retired and could go away on holiday, but they can't as she needs to work now to keep them afloat. She is out playing tennis, cycling miles thinks that they both loved and he is at home and grumpy.
I think I would think carefully about marrying some one with such an age gap.
However there are lots of people who do it and lots of happy endings.
I wouldn't have, but then that's me.

Hangingonathread333 Wed 06-May-15 09:27:07

It is too soon after my manage break up, I did not plan for this to happen, he is someone I knew before I met dh. I don't think I want anything serious, Jerusalem weighing up what the furniture may hold, I think he wants more than I do at the moment, I just want to have a bit of fun nod the things very slowly but I'm not sure if he wants the same so I am at risk of it ending very soon.

The health thing is what worys me the most, I can't imagine that he will bill fit and healthy in 10 years time but then again I might not be ( anything could happen as we all know ). I guess I know that it's not going to work out and can never really be anything more serious then friends having sex sad

stevienickstophat Wed 06-May-15 09:31:10

15 years between me and DP.

We're very happy.

Yes, his health could fail, but then, so could mine. My grandad ended up nursing his wife through health problems until she died at age 36, and they had an age gap of a week.

If you love someone, you love them. What it says on their birth certificate won't change that.

gemsio Wed 06-May-15 09:44:22

Yep, my dad and step mum have a huge age gap, 24 years, and they have been happily married for 26 years now. They are a perfect couple. x

Mixedup22 Wed 06-May-15 09:51:35

Is it not possible you are still getting over your ex ?
Friends having sex, coming out of a marriage.

I am not sure but had a close friend who ended up going from the frying pan to the fire.

Perhaps you need more time. It could work but take it steady.

RebelRobin Wed 06-May-15 09:59:39

Imagine ten years on

Hangingonathread333 Wed 06-May-15 10:13:51

Yes mixup, it is possible though my marriage for me was over years ago. I knew this man years ago, we used to flirt a lot when I was single ( before I got with dh ) but I was never brave enough to take if further even though I was attracted to him, the age gap kind of stopped me. It is possible that I'm just feeling lonely after the break up and I'm just after a bit of fun and some attention ( which I didn't get from dh ), my head is all over the place so I don't know what I want. I want to take things very slowly, at the moment I'm happy with it just being 'no strings attached sex' but I have strong feeling he wants a lot more, he is either going to have to be very patiant or I will just have to end it.

Mixedup22 Wed 06-May-15 10:19:47

Well my instinct tells me it might be to quick to get involved.
There maybe other complications like , do you have or does he have children ?
You may well just be lonely. Sex is good �� but may not be the answer.

Give yourself time and space to overcome any lonliness before jumping back in to another relationship

If this man is meant to be he will wait.

Good luck

Mixedup22 Wed 06-May-15 10:23:36

The other thing to ask yourself is do i want a relationship or is it about sex and feeling wanted.
Only you will know.

albal14 Wed 06-May-15 10:35:20

If it works why does age matter? You fell for the guy, go with it. Wish I could date a 30's girl & I'm in my 40's. Go with you instinct, he could out live you.

Hangingonathread333 Wed 06-May-15 10:38:32

You are right Mixedup, at the moment I don't want anything more but maybe in the future I will. I will talk to him and explain ( I think he already knows ), if he doesn't like it then it will be the end.

He doesn't have children, I do (it would be a long time before I would introduce a new man into their lives ).

Mixedup22 Wed 06-May-15 10:46:05

You cant let the age difference put you off but from what you have said you are mixed up and recently coming out of a marriage.
You probably need space, clear your head.

Hangingonathread333 Wed 06-May-15 11:08:49

Thank you, I think I'm using the age gap as a reason not to get into anything ( was hoping people would tell me it wouldn't work ). grin

hellsbellsmelons Wed 06-May-15 11:16:06

If you both want the same things in life and have a lot in common then age means nothing.
If you want kids and he thinks he's too old and will never want them, then you have a real problem and need to walk away.
But... for now it's fun so just go with the flow.

shubham005 Wed 06-May-15 11:25:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mixedup22 Wed 06-May-15 11:39:03

Only you will know. As i said i knew someone who went flying in with both feet after only a month apart from ex. It was way to soon.

Still, this may not be the case for you.

ohthatsokthen Wed 06-May-15 12:36:16

18 years here he's 64 I am 46. married 25 years. chances are I will be alone in the future but what the he'll he was worth it.

ohthatsokthen Wed 06-May-15 12:36:48

*hell

Hangingonathread333 Wed 06-May-15 14:02:55

Thank you, I have children, I don't plan on having anymore, he doesn't have children which worys me a little as he might see me as his last chance of having children?

My children mean the world to me and I don't want to introduce anyone else into our family for a while and when I do that person will need to be very special ( I don't know if he is ). I will rake things very very slowly, if he wants things to move faster then I will have to walk away.

DoorToTheRiver Wed 06-May-15 14:15:35

I've had four lengthy relationships with men between 12-16 years older than me. The age gap has never caused any problems in any of those relationships.

I think your issue is you are getting into a relationship sooner than you are ready and you don't feel ready for the relationship to turn serious.

Talk to him and explain it is too soon for you to consider a serious relationship and you are happy with no strings sex for the minute. You have no idea what the future may hold health wise for either of you.

What is important is how you get on with each other, if you have things in common not what it says on your birth certificate. Forget the age difference and look at the actual relationship between the two of you.

Hangingonathread333 Wed 06-May-15 14:26:02

He does know that I have just come out of a relationship, he seems understanding and knows I am vulnerable ( he keeps saying he doesn't want to take advantage ). We do have quite a few things in common, more than I ever had in common with dh, maybe this is why I was attracted to him ( because dh showed no interest in anything I liked ).

At the moment I'm just enjoying the sex and no commitment thing, I don't want to be tied down or in a serious relationship but there's now saying 'that won't change once I have had time to get over the break up'.

I think I'm going to have to have a talk with him and explain the situation, I think he kind of knows what I'm going to say anyway so hopefully he won't take it badly. I have been seeing him once a week but he has asked to see me again this week ( which makes me feel like things maybe moving a bit fast ).

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