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New BF much more touchy feely than me

(21 Posts)
zigazigah01 Tue 05-May-15 20:08:06

My new boyfriend (7 months) is great. He's a lovely bf and I feel things are going really well. He's a very open, affectionate sort eg hugs friends goodbye etc.

I think generally I am a more reserved personality. I don't hug friends goodbye on the whole and my pet hate is people who cheek kiss in the office. I'm an only child and when I think about it my parents and I are not very huggy. I was in a previous relationship for ten years and we were not
overly affectionate with one another.

I love being affectionate with my new bf generally but sometimes if I'm honest it bothers me a bit.

For example, wanting to hold hands when trying to do serious walking (like distance walking). Wanting to hold hands when it's not that practical to do so.

I also was seriously snappy with him the other night when we were out with friends. He'd scooted over in his seat so close to me that I felt he was too much in my space when we were also out with other people so I told him that and then felt mean (albeit didn't tell him in earshot of the others).

zigazigah01 Tue 05-May-15 20:10:33

Sorry hit post too soon.

Am I just being a cow? I don't want to inhibit him from being affectionate with me because it's just part of who he is. On the whole it's lovely. I like that he's showing me with his actions how he feels.

It's just occasionally I feel irritable about it.

How do I deal with this without offending him or inhibiting him?

DrinkFeckArseGirls Tue 05-May-15 20:33:03

Different people have different preferences. Although if I were him, I'd be wondering if you really like me.

zigazigah01 Tue 05-May-15 20:35:56

Think it should be quite apparent from the rest of my post that I do.

zigazigah01 Tue 05-May-15 20:36:56

Think it should be quite apparent from the rest of my post that I do.

pocketsaviour Tue 05-May-15 20:52:01

Oh god, the holding hands when not appropriate thing drives me insane.

It's a difficult one because if you tell him you want him to back off a bit, he might stop touching you altogether.

Maybe just tell him you don't feel public displays of affection are classy?

FWIW I'm a non-touchy-feely person so I totally get it.

Handywoman Tue 05-May-15 20:59:24

Yeah that would be annoying. I think it's ok to tell him. We all have different tolerances for touchy-feely-personal-space type things.

Plus I hate it when a man sidles up all close to you in front of your mates, it can sort of feel insecure/possessive/clingy....... angry I'm with you on that.

zigazigah01 Tue 05-May-15 21:52:22

Thank you both so much for not making me feel like a freak!

I guess I maybe need to try and say something without being snappy.

arsenaltilidie Tue 05-May-15 22:42:24

It has only been 7 months and he is irritating you and you are snapping at him.
Without passing blame maybe it's time to let him go.

zigazigah01 Wed 06-May-15 07:43:52

Yeah, thanks for this. It's been seven months and I've snapped at him once!
This is the best relationship I've ever been in, so won't be letting him go.

poocatcherchampion Wed 06-May-15 07:49:36

Sometimes dh or I find the other one too huggy. We just say: "get off, I want space" neither will take offence.

Work through it op.

Hissy Wed 06-May-15 07:49:45

If someone were snappy like that with me... I'd be giving them a WHOLE lot more space iykwim.

Take things day by day, it says a lot that this is the best relationship in your life only a few months in. Take it slowly, and make sure this IS right for you. We don't get to know people in 7m, it takes a year or 2. You snapping at him now IS significant, for the both of you.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 06-May-15 07:56:29

You need to talk to him OP

Otherwise he might worry that you're "showing with actions how you feel".

Just explain exactly like you have to us. Talk. Reassure.

Joysmum Wed 06-May-15 08:10:59

This isn't an easy situation for you and you need to tread carefully. I'm a touchy feely person and luckily my DH is too.

I think you need to broach the subject when all is well and not and issue. Explain before you start that you love him very much and don't want it taken the wrong way.

I had to do similar with my DH regarding needing space at home. I like my own company sometimes and he needed to understand this and that it wasn't cause I was in a strop or that he'd done anything wrong, just that I value my quiet time.

We got there. It wasn't a sign of incompatibility as many will try to tell you, just something you need to reach a concensus on.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 06-May-15 08:11:21

It may be apparent from the rest of your post, but us it apparent to your boyfriend? I too wouldnt like holding hands while walking a long distance, but he must feel you flinching when he sits next to you, etc

zigazigah01 Wed 06-May-15 08:11:24

Thank you, all.

Hissy - I'm not saying that I'm about to rush any decisions. I'm very conscious that 7 months is not that long a time. All I'm saying is that I've had 7 really happy months with him and I feel this relationship has promise. Therefore I'm not going to break up with him as some people above have suggested.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 06-May-15 08:15:09

Well it will show much more promise when you can talk about stuff like this without falling out.

zigazigah01 Wed 06-May-15 08:19:48

Thanks Joysmum - this is really constructive advice.

zigazigah01 Wed 06-May-15 08:22:15

That's a fair enough comment BitoutofPractice. Been worried about offending him, but I risk offending him more by being snappy.

Drink - not sure where you have inferred the 'flinching" from. Not what I said at all.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Wed 06-May-15 08:52:21

If some is touched and they don't like it, they tense up. Call it how you want. All I'm saying that he might feel rejected when you tell him, so you have to do it in a sensitive way.

zigazigah01 Wed 06-May-15 09:17:32

Hi Drink - ok, I agree I do need to be sensitive. As it's only very occasionally I find it too much. I don't want him not to touch me at all!

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