Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Finally reported historic sex abuse

11 replies

FinallyReportedHim · 04/05/2015 17:59

I am a MN regular for lots of years, but have NC for this one.

Over 30 years later, I have finally plucked up the courage to report a relative for sexually assaulting me when I was 12.

I've made the initial report to the police and I'm waiting for them to get back to me to sort out a time to do a formal statement.

I'd be interested to hear the experiences of others who have been through the process.

It ends up my word against his, so I'm not hopefully of it going to court. Hopefully though he will be arrested and formally questioned and his nearest and dearest will find out what he did.

I'm feeling a bit wobbly about having to go through it all in detail (I've never told anyone the full details) but mainly feeling huge relief at finally having reported it. My worst fear is that there were other victims after me and I could have stopped that if I'd reported it at the time.

OP posts:

Report

CrazyCatLady13 · 04/05/2015 19:00

I don't have any experience, or any words of wisdom. I just wanted to say how brave you are!

I know you worry that there were other victims after you, but you could not have reported him until you felt able to do so, so please don't beat yourself up over this.

Well done, and I hope you get the support you need through this process. Hopefully other posters will be along soon with much more to offer you than I can!

Report

FinallyReportedHim · 04/05/2015 19:50

thank you CrazyCatLady :)

OP posts:

Report

AnyFucker · 04/05/2015 19:58

Well done, and good luck to you

Report

Justusemyname · 04/05/2015 20:01

Done similar.

Police believed. CPS decided to charge. Has gone to court.

Good luck. Be prepared for it taking a while.

Report

emmelinelucas · 04/05/2015 20:03

I did, Finally - and it started 45 years previously.
He denied, denied then just when a court date arrived, he confessed.
Have you any family/friends who may have seen something ? That is how my story was corroborated.
It was a long, very stressful process.
His family has never stopped supporting him.
They are my family, too
I don't want to say any more here, but please pm me and I will try to help you (I am going to bed soon, but I promise to get back to you asap)
Ask me anything you like.
And well done. I know how brave you are

Report

thelonggame · 04/05/2015 20:11

please be gentle with yourself, this is such a huge step for you to take. Concentrate on yourself, IF there are any more victims it is the ABUSER to blame. Easier said than done I know, but please try no t to think like that.
Sending gentle hugs your way

Report

FinallyReportedHim · 04/05/2015 21:00

Thank you everyone for your kind words and for sharing experiences.

I guess I am lucky in that it is a relation who lives a long distance from me so I have been able to pretty much avoid him since then, I have only seen him a handful of times, the last time was about 15yrs ago. So if that bit of the family support him or don't makes no odds to me as I have no contact with them anyway.

I have only ever told 2 people DH & an ex-DP years ago. Once I know they have questioned him I will tell others in my close family/friends - I don't want to risk anyone tipping him off before then.

OP posts:

Report

helsbels1978 · 04/05/2015 21:05

well done!!
the rules have changed over the last few decades...you'd be suprised how seriously the police and cps/procurator fiscal take these cases now.
just stay on point, be as honest as you can, and try to see the whole process (however far it goes) as catharsis.
once you have let it out, you'll feel just a tiny bit better (honest injun). chin up.

Report

FinallyReportedHim2 · 08/12/2016 16:20

just to update this (I know how MN loves a good update!)

It went to court recently and he was found guilty!!!!!

I honestly never thought I'd see this day. 12 complete strangers believed me over him, ha!

If you are reading this and thinking of doing the same, I can honesty say the police team were brilliant. They believed me and the really got what a difficult thing it was to do.

I can't deny that it's a tough thing to do, but I think I've done more processing of what happened in the past two years than I did in the previous 30-odd years! It will take a while to sink in, but in time I feel I will finall have closure and will be able to move on.

Report

wherearemymarbles · 08/12/2016 16:32

How utterly brilliant for you

And regarding your fears you should have reported it 30 years ago - its very unlikely he would have been found guilty then.

Hopefully you do indeed find closure.