Emotional and physical effects of staying in an unhappy marriage?

[Handbagshoesandhats]

I'm really worried about my sister and really at quite a loss of what to say to her. She's been in an unhappy marriage for a number of years, sounds like a lot of general unhappiness and incompatibility but they generally just try and plod on for their ds (8). I find it hard to talk to her because I left my own very unhappy marriage (with ds) and am now much happier but she says she is unwilling to do this which I respect. We spend a lot of time together and I'm close to her and her ds so care what happens to them.
I'm quite worried about the effects of this situation in the long term on her emotional health and also wondering about the impact on her ds? Anyone have any experience of this?

[Skiptonlass]

Perhaps you can try the tactic of explaining that far from being beneficial to her ds, her staying in an unhappy relationship could actually harm him?

Could you talk about how you hadn't really realised it, but your son's behaviour / psyche was damaged by your marriage and that when you got out of it, his behaviour and general happiness improved?

All the time, stress how you understand how hard it is to leave, etc?

[newnamesamegame]

Hi handbag -- is she actually talking openly about the prospect of separation as a possibility or is she ruling it out of hand?

I think if someone is not at the point where they are even prepared to consider it you may have to bide your time. It took me a long time to accept mentally that separating from my H was a better option than remaining in an unhappy marriage for the sake of my child. Pushing someone when they are not at that point is likely to be counter-productive.

If she is already mulling it over I think you can draw on your own experience and say you firmly believe you and your DS are much happier for being out of the marriage.

The fact that you are visibly happier for your separation and your DS is fine won't have escaped her attention. She is probably just scared. Take it gently and don't push her, but make it clear that you are proof that separation can be a better solution than toughing it out indefinitely...

[Handbagshoesandhats]

Thanks for your comments, they've been useful to consider. I think I forget how hard it can be, even though she thinks everything has been easier for me. Having spent some time with all of them today, I realised that actually I felt slightly stressed by their bickering so goodness knows how their ds feels at times. Yes, I think showing and reminding her that I had a more positive outcome than staying may help. You're right though, she has to be in a position to consider it. Very hard to stand and see it all happening though.