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Post relationship breakup. Advice please!

(9 Posts)
tifalockheart25 Sat 02-May-15 08:29:55

Hi everyone! I hope you don't mind me coming online to ask for some advice.
A month ago me and my bf of 7 months had split up and I'm finding it hard to get over him or stop missing him.
Things were great at the start then a few months down the line we had problems. I'm 29 he is 8 years older than me and I was his first girlfriend. I work full time and he is self employed. I suppose to be honest after a while this annoyed me that I would be hard at work and his job seemed so easy he had the time to go drinking with his friends every odd day.
The last straw came when I only had the weekend off and he was hungover on both days. Like I wasn't a priority to him. He seemed like he could live on his own and see his mates all the time. He said I was needy which I suppose I am in a way. I like to be shown affection it's not the worst thing in the world I think.
After breaking up we tried to be friends but it didn't work. He kept saying we're both single and friends and so soon after the breakup it felt like a knife in the heart. So we have tried again recently. I'm having to bite my tounge pretending I'm happy with that and not wanting more. Yesterday he said he was happier now single than with me in a relationship as it didn't work.
Am I just kidding myself here?
Sorry for the long rant I would just like a fresh opinion.
Thank you xsmile

Allofaflumble Sat 02-May-15 08:39:03

I think you should move on and put all your energy into loving yourself. The drinking is a big red flag. Go no contact and start healing from this disappointing episode. He's happier single but still has you on the back burner. You deserve better IMHO.

Penfold007 Sat 02-May-15 08:43:01

What exactly are you missing? You deserve better and are well rid of him.

Ouchbloodyouch Sat 02-May-15 08:46:04

You deserve better. As allo says you need to go non contact. Google 'breaking up and moving on by going non contact' the site is baggage reclaim. It will help immensely

foxinsocks Sat 02-May-15 08:49:38

The red flag was first girlfriend at the age of 37

He likes being single, wants to be single and wants to live it up with the lads and that's it.

He's never going to prioritise you. You aren't being needy, you're being normal!

YvyB Sat 02-May-15 08:52:37

What fox says.

1st girlfriend at 37? Then girlfriend who wants affection is 'needy'? Erm... I don't think you're the abnormal one. Run and keep running. And that's before we even get to the drinking bit.

tifalockheart25 Sat 02-May-15 09:47:01

Thanks everyone I do appreciate the advice. He wasn't an alchy it's just he drank more than I did I suppose you can when you don't have to be up at 6 the next day like I am. I do feel like we have a connection but I need to stop kidding myself thinking in a few weeks time he will message and say he loves me and sorry for things he had done. Like i said I'm not perfect either. Maybe we just weren't suited. It's just a month down the line I don't know why I still hurt so much. X.

YvyB Sat 02-May-15 10:07:24

Because it's only a month down the line and being the nice, normal person you are, you were probably looking forward to a summer spending days out together, holding hands etc like nice, normal people do. You're having to accept those things won't be happening and it's a sad feeling. Especially at the start of a bank hol.

btw, alcoholics choose drinking over spending time with the people they allegedly love. Often, they then use the drink as the excuse for hurting those people I.e. "it wasn't me, I was drunk / if you weren't so demanding I wouldn't need to drink blah blah blah". Add on a few 'see, I've gone a whole month without a drink, you've got a problem if you think I have a drink problem' grand gestures and you're getting a fairly typical picture of a functioning alcoholic.
I didn't realise any of this until I found I was in a relationship with one.

tifalockheart25 Sat 02-May-15 10:48:31

Thank you YvyB x

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