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amicable split but how not to feel bad?

(6 Posts)
AlwaysAFool Fri 01-May-15 19:35:44

As the title says 3 days ago me and exdp decided to split as we had a difference of opinion that meant our relationship couldn't survive in the long run, in january I was close to ending the relationship due to not feeling like i loved him plus he had behaved appallingly to me on a night out but we agreed to give it another go.

Thing is there is no bad feeling between us but I feel sad and worried for him as I am the main Instigator for the split.

How do I not feel responsible Or guilty?

Iv only ever had two relationships and the last one ended very badly as it was abusive.--so dont have much experience--
Im happy in a way that it is ending with no cheating or blame but still I know he is hurting.

maybe I should feel bad but maybe not wholly responsible?

He is living with me for a few weeks until he moves on.
hopes this isnt a pointless thread

AlwaysAFool Fri 01-May-15 19:44:05

I think what I mean is, is it ok to feel this way?worry That in the next few weeks that he will backtrack and want us to give it a go but I know it will be from his own fear of being on his own.
I dont want to people please and cave.

Lilwelshyrs Fri 01-May-15 19:52:12

I think you're going through the motions. You've got to do right by you and as long as you believe you've done the right thing (which it sounds like you do) then that's great.
Just allow yourself to feel all the emotions you're going to feel - it's different for everyone. Let it take as long as it takes and you'll be fine smile
flowers

AlwaysAFool Fri 01-May-15 20:05:02

Thank you for the reply I do think its the right thing to do, I think because iv never been single in my whole adult life im a bit apprehensive about being single but do think it will be a good/healthy thing to do.
On the first day I cried on and off all day but had to hold it together when in a meeting and a work shift although didnt quite hold it together waiting on the lift in primark.

He has been out 3 days on the trot drinking With Friends. sad

Lilwelshyrs Fri 01-May-15 20:20:17

We all have different ways of dealing - although drinking isn't really a great way of dealing with it. At least he has his mates around smile Have you got a girlie mate who you can drink some wine and eat ice cream with? Being alone is scary... But it's also SO good for you smile
You'll get through this and you'll be stronger for it and hopefully you'll have learnt from it too smile
The sooner he moves out the better... That can't be easy :-/ when I left my exbf (over 4 years ago now and am since married with first DC due in Nov!) and moved myself and the cat and whatever I could carry into a horrible bedsit. I couldn't stay with him in our flat :-/
Is he making the right steps to move out? Do you own or rent?
X

AlwaysAFool Fri 01-May-15 21:06:37

He is due to go and visit his family abroad in a few weeks and he intends to stay there, I told him he could stay until then As he would otherwise stay at his brothers but not exactly a good atmosphere there.
I am the named tenant here so no intention of moving out as I also have dd.
It is just a waiting game and when he is gone il have to go through the motions of being without constant adult company. In the long run it will be good, its a process im not used to.

I have one good non drinking friend I will hopefully see her soon, I can call her anytime though, iv polished off a cheao bottle already since its friday.

My last exp was a nightmare to live with when we split he constantly begged to get back together and try instigate sex while I was sleeping! (I think in order to get me back into rl) And more, so messed up I also ran off with a baby into a moldy b n b.

Thank you for your replies it is good to talk a bit.

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