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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

What more can i do? Is this my life?

56 replies

cattygirl1 · 28/04/2015 21:25

I have posted before so sorry for going through all this again! I am at the end of my tether and mentally drained with my Husband.

He smokes a lot of cannabis and is now most of the times so moody but he is like a yoyo and very, very up and down as in can go from hardly speaking to normal and chirpy in the space of 5 mins. I never know where I stand.

Example of week so far, moody all Sunday, fine Monday, moody and hardly spoke at all today so far, who knows what tomorrow brings.

We hardly interact with each other any more and don't share a bed, partly because im such a crap sleeper and because he is stoned and drinking is always snoring/jerking. The other part no longer wants to share the bed anymore.

We also have a child and I am extremely concerned she will think this is normal.

Why can I be so scared to end this shit? There is a part of me that feels so sad for what we have become.

OP posts:

Report

MelonBallersAreStrange · 28/04/2015 21:27

What do you want us to say this time?

Why haven't you ended it?

PacificDogwood · 28/04/2015 21:29

Is there anything anybody on here can say that has not been said before that will enable to you make a healthy choice for you and your child?

I think you need to stop posting and start acting.

You have been given lots of good practical advice.

If you find yourself stuck in this loop of regret of what you are still hoping for in a relationship (even when the day to day evidence tells you otherwise) and you find the next step too scary to put in to action, contact Woman's Aid. Do the Freedom Program. Do something, but stop going over the same ground yet again.

"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting an different outcome is where madness lies" (Albert Einstein)

PacificDogwood · 28/04/2015 21:31

What is it you're getting out of this relationship? Drama??

What is it you're getting out of posting about it? Attention?

Truly, I don't mean to be mean to you, but you need to seek RL help and Get. Out. Or stay and accept that this is your lot. I cannot see any other option.

AnyFucker · 28/04/2015 21:31

No, there is nothing more you can do

Yes, this is your life (and your daughter's life) if you don't call an end to this "relationship"

Rinse

Repeat

cattygirl1 · 28/04/2015 21:32

Thank you both, I actually quoted that on my Facebook recently.

I believe im scared as a part of me loves him and I stupidly believe I could be doing a lot worse. I must have terrible self esteem issues.

I guess I am chicken, I have very little confidence but to the outside I do not come across like this.

I can almost smell the freedom.

OP posts:

Hassled · 28/04/2015 21:34

If you can smell the freedom then you're already pretty much there.

Focus on the practicalities - what needs to happen for a split? Do you work? Rent/own? Once you know your options it will feel more achievable.

PacificDogwood · 28/04/2015 21:34

Address your self-esteem issues, then.

AF, as every succinct and to the point

AnyFucker · 28/04/2015 21:34

then take that peg off your nose

theendoftheendoftheend · 28/04/2015 21:35

You could be describing my ex! Me and DC have a lot calmer home life now.
It is very hard to leave, but if you don't things will never, ever improve, not for any of you.

cattygirl1 · 28/04/2015 21:38

I can not understand what is going on. I have the words there and its like a go into panic mode and it doesn't happen.

I might put it in writing.

We own, jointly, I work and all the bills etc come from mt bank account, no joint accounts.

OP posts:

paxtecum · 28/04/2015 21:40

Like you say, it is sad how you have become.
It will carry on being extremely sad if you stay with him.
He will not change.

Start working out the practicalities of splitting up.

Can you ask him to leave and you carry on living there?

Don't waste your life living with him.
If you stay you will look back one day and realise you have wasted so many years trying to help a hopeless case.

Believe me, I did that for 30 years.

Only1scoop · 28/04/2015 21:41

You could maybe call the police when he goes on yet another post heavy joint drive.... and stop him possibly killing an innocent person.

Other than that I don't know.... just carry on I guess.... until you are ready to live the life you and your child deserve.

cattygirl1 · 28/04/2015 21:51

I have thought of the police also, but it would bring them to my home which I don't want.

Im ready to move on just have to get the guts to do it.

OP posts:

kittensinmydinner · 28/04/2015 21:57

Then you won't, and in five years you will be five years older with five years wasted and your daughter five years (and possibly forever) fucked up. Think of her future and do something instead of wringing your hands. You owe it to your child ( and yourself)

elportodelgato · 28/04/2015 22:03

Catty I have read so many of your threads. Stop posting, start taking action. LEAVE. you can do it and when you do you'll wonder why the fuck you waited so long

cattygirl1 · 28/04/2015 22:03

You are all right, my daughter has already started to mention "daddys in a mood" "daddy is saying bad words" I definitely don't want her to end up like me!

OP posts:

PacificDogwood · 28/04/2015 22:10

Your continuous and repeated posting seems to be a displacement activity to me: as long as you write about it and ruminate about you, you are not DOING anything about it.

Every single thing said on this thread has been posted before - more than once.

The ball is in your side of the court - YOU need to do something. NOW.

upaladderagain · 28/04/2015 22:12

Stop being selfish.
Yous husband is well on the way to screwing up your little girls life, and you are allowing him to do that by refusing to remove him from her life.
Stop wingeing and do the right thing by her.

thisisnow · 28/04/2015 22:24

Agree there is nothing more we can say I'm sorry OP you have to take responsibility now.

Cherryapple1 · 28/04/2015 22:27

What do you want us to say to you this time?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 28/04/2015 22:30

Yy Pacific

I want to make a change - I can't make a change - I'll make a post about making a change - oh look, I've made a change - but everything is still the same - I want to make a change - I can't make a change....

ZombieZoo · 28/04/2015 23:11

I've seen some of your past posts. My advice would be to make sure you don't get pregnant with him again as it wil get worse/be harder to leave. Others will give yu better advice as im not sure how else to help

LondonRocks · 28/04/2015 23:16

Talk is cheap.

Action is eloquence.

LondonRocks · 28/04/2015 23:17

And, yes, this is your life.

It's not a game. Why waste it?

griselda101 · 28/04/2015 23:21

you're either going to drag it out forever or change it ASAP, the more you drag it out the more unhappy you will be!

start thinking about how your life could be, what you want it to be. It might not get there for a while but small steps...one step at a time. Firstly first steps to leaving and setting up a new life.

It's only when we leave difficult situations that we realise how unhappy we were in them.

You can't communicate with pot heads. Had experience of various family members / relationships screwed up with long term pot abuse. Your DD will be traumatised by his behaviour as it will cross over into her consciousness and reality. It's not on.

Get out while you can. The little bits of him being up are not worth the rest of the time, and the majority of the time, that it is shit.

Flip

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