Messaging, accusations, what a mess!

[RedRaw]

Been with my DP 3 years, living together now with my 3dcs. Last night I caught a glimpse of a message seemed to be a finishing with someone, I asked to see it, but he snatched the phone away, then locked himself in the loo. The message was on What's app, I don't use this, why would he use this rather than just texting?
Anyway, we fell out, and he accused me of actively being on Match and having my ex here whilst he works away, both absolutely rubbish!
He has precious form, and I guess I'm suspicious.
It's my house, I've said its over, I can't live with the mistrust, on either side, and asked him to leave. Meanwhile, I've decamped to my parents.
My dcs are at their dads this weekend.

What do you make of the what's app usage? Am I right to be suspicious? It's not on that he's accusing me, I've never been unfaithful.

Many thank, rambling a bit, sorry!

[FenellaFellorick]

Attack is the best form of defence.

You know, if you're honest with yourself, that there's only one reason he snatched his phone away and locked himself in the loo.

He was shitting himself and deleting evidence.

He's now accusing you in order to attempt to shift focus.

[RedRaw]

That's what I thought as well. I left the house last night, and today he claims not to remember anything! And he also said my Dad's on Match too, which is bizarre.

I think it will be difficult to get him out of the house, Dad says just change the locks!

[paxtecum]

Your Dad is right.
Ask your Dad to help you do it.

[RedRaw]

Thank you, my parents have said the same, attack is a form of defence. Would he use What's app to hide messages?

[TheVeryHungryPreggo]

Yes he might, so they don't show up on a phone bill, but more people use whatsapp to send and receive picture messages or videos because it's cheaper to use 3G/wifi than network carrier rates.

[RedRaw]

Oh I see. I don't have it, thanks.
I guess the messaging system is irrelevant, it was his actions that were most concerning.
It's sad but I think it's over, I'm too old to waste time on flogging a dead horse, we've been here a few times, dodgy texts, emails, etc, and I've always backed down.
It's making me unhappy, and I want my family to have their old mum back.

[mix56]

Sorry it sounds like he is more trouble than he's worth. I want my family to have their old mum back. says it all.

[newstart15]

You are completely right in your last post and you seem to be thinking very clearly - well done.

The messaging system is irrelevant (whatsapp is an enhanced text system so is used by many people) however the lack of trust is highly relevant. I'm sure he will try to worm his way back in especially if he's been caught before and always managed to carry on. Glad you have your dad to give good advice.

[Berrie1]

You are completely right to be suspicious, his actions in themselves are an indication of guilt....

If it was an innocent message he was sending he would have no problem in showing you it.

How is he so aware of all these people on Match? Sounds like he is it on it himself.

Glad you have kicked him out OP, he has most definitely been up to no good.

[Eminado]

" I asked to see it, but he snatched the phone away, then locked himself in the loo. "

That says it all. What innocent person would do this?

Your Dad sounds great.

[fannyfanakapan]

Go back to your house with your dad and any male mates that your have. Pack a bag for him if he hasnt done so, and have them escort him out the house (removing his key as he leaves). Tell him to pop round at specific time to collect remaining stuff. Then leave it outside the door.

[RedRaw]

Thanks, I'm very lucky to have supportive parents. He says he's left, I haven't returned to my house yet, but will not go back unaccompanied. I don't know where he's alledgedly gone.

[BettyCatKitten]

Yes, return to your house with as many male family/friends as you can, change the locks, good riddance!

[RedRaw]

I have to go home today. He's still there. I need to be strong, and face him.

[MagicHouse]

I would get back to your house ASAP. Maybe I'm a cynic but I'd be wary of leaving someone I'd just finished a relationship with, and asked to move out, unaccompanied in my home. Especially if you don't think he'll have taken it well. Go there now, with your dad.

[AnyFucker]

Get him out of your house, today

he is guilty as fuck

[RedRaw]

He left with a small bag, haven't seen him, I returned home last night.
Over the weekend the family dog died, and I'm in bits this morning. Sad, crying, feeling bad, trying to be strong. Worried about work, as it's a responsible job. Think I will call in sick, although that's a massive problem for my colleagues. He says if it's over, then he wants to go non contact, which I find really hard, as I'll miss him. I have no friends, I'm just feeling sorry for myself now.

[RedRaw]

He also remotely accessed my Apple ID, and iMessages, I know as I got a notification. My own fault for having an easy password. He denied it saying he'd updated his computer. That freaked me out.

[Jengnr]

Change your passwords, get his stuff out, change the locks. Check nothing is missing.

No contact is the best way, it'll be easier in the long run although it'll hurt like fuck at first.

Good luck xx