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breaking promises and making decisions

6 replies

doobyscoo · 21/04/2015 12:30

This is hard to write as it's me breaking the promises. I made a promise to my OH that we could try for a family before I'm 30, he has been waiting a long time for me to be "ready", in which time I've realised I'll probably never be ready and should just bite the bullet and do it. So we made the decision to try and that is what we're doing, but now I've been offered a new job and part of me wants to take it. I know if I take it then it will put our plans on hold for another year and will disappoint him. Actually I think if I take it then our relationship will be over as I've really kept him waiting so long.

So it's simple I guess, don't take the job and don't break a promise but why do I feel so torn?

OP posts:

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lexyloub · 21/04/2015 12:39

He's your husband and should support you in your career even if that does put baby plans on hold temporarily. A baby is only a baby 5 mins you've got to work for the rest of your life. Your not saying never to babies your just saying not yet I think you'd regret not taking the job in the future if it's a good opportunity, also if it's a better paid job then that's extra security for any future children.

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AutumnDragon · 21/04/2015 13:02

I would actually say the opposite to the PP. You don't know how long it will take you to get pregnant, or even if you can.

I delayed having a second for work reasons. I then found I couldn't conceive, I was offered fertility investigations etc, but turned them down as I had just started a new job. I eventually fell pregnant naturally 6 years later and lost it, another 5 years before it happened again, with the same result. The third and last time, only took another 2 years.

I do not know if I had gone for that investigation/treatment whether my story would be different or not, but not a day goes by when I wish that I had - just in case the outcome would be different.

Jobs will always exist, but babies are only available for a finite amount of time.

From a different angle though, please only have a child if YOU want to, not just because your husband does. My SIL felt pressured into it and she, and the baby, suffered due to it.

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Quitelikely · 21/04/2015 13:34

Take the job. You aren't ready for a baby and therefor you shouldn't have one.

They require a lot of time, effort and just a lot of everything basically!

If he wants to he can wait.

Don't have a child for someone else.

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Joysmum · 21/04/2015 14:21

You need to be perfectly honest about your feelings. I don't see how you could have predicted you'd be ready to promise trying before you were ready.

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pocketsaviour · 21/04/2015 14:28

If you're not ready for a baby, please don't have one. Motherhood is a massive sacrifice and will change your life completely. If that means you need to let your partner go, better that than reluctantly and frustratedly trying to raise a child who you didn't really want.

("Sacrifice" not really the precise word I was looking for, but parenthood requires you to put your child's needs before absolutely everything else, and that is very difficult if you're not 100% committed to it.)

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doobyscoo · 21/04/2015 14:39

Thanks everyone, it turns out I didn't get the job anyway it was between me and another person and they got it. Maybe the baby issue is bigger than I first thought. Definitely a lot to think about.