My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My sister has asked for a £4k loan

95 replies

Sweetheartyparty76 · 18/04/2015 17:20

I'm 38 with no kids and my partner and I have fairly good jobs. My sister is 2 years younger than me with 5 kids and husband who can only find temporary work. They are yrying to sell their house and move into council accomodation but until they do have to pay rent and mortgage. Their house is for sale for £80k and their mortgage is for £55k. They also have a lot of debt and a bad credit record. They have borrowed from my sisters MIL but they are estranged now. Our parents are dead so I'm the only one she can turn to.

She sent me a message asking to borrow £4k so she can move into their new house 'comfortably'. It is not an inconsiderate sum for me. We are also in the process of moving house and our joint savings will be our deposit.

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 18/04/2015 17:22

Only say yes if you are prepared to lose it.

thetroubleis · 18/04/2015 17:22

I would honestly say no. It'll never stop if you do.

RudyMentary · 18/04/2015 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 18/04/2015 17:24

" We are also in the process of moving house and our joint savings will be our deposit."

Surely this is all you need to say? What money would you have to give her if your savings are being used for your own deposit? Confused

Nolim · 18/04/2015 17:25

Agree with primal. Be ready to write if off

Trills · 18/04/2015 17:25

I agree with only say yes if you are prepard to lose it.

And only say yes if you are prepared to see it be spent on things that you don't approve of, and have the strength to say nothing.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 18/04/2015 17:27

What about your own unforeseen expenses? A sudden pregnancy? Urgent work needing doing on the new house? Major car repair etc? What annoys me about people asking to borrow from others' savings is that they haven't considered it is there for the convenience and security of the saver - NOT anyone else.

LIZS · 18/04/2015 17:27

Did they ever pay back mil? Agree you need to mentally give her the money if you can afford to loan it, if you get it back it is a bonus. You need to prioritise your needs, you are just as entitled to move comfortably as they are.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 18/04/2015 17:28

And what is the reason for the estrangement? Is it the unpaid debt?

I honestly would say no.

SwedishEdith · 18/04/2015 17:28

Where do they live now? I know that's not the issue, but I'm curious.

It'd be a No from me unless given as a gift.

J0an0fArk · 18/04/2015 17:33

Honestly, I agree with the others, only give it if you are afford to lose it. If your sister has asked before and feels that you owe it to her to share your better fortune with her, then I would say no. If she has never asked before and if you know she would be grateful and if you can afford it, I would possibly give her 2k as opposed to lending her 4. Less stressful all round in the long run. But tell her it's a gift with the understanding that she doesn't ask again. However you phrase that.

J0an0fArk · 18/04/2015 17:35

I missed this bit

"" We are also in the process of moving house and our joint savings will be our deposit."

So, you don't own your own home and you're saving for that!?? I would say to your sister that you're saving for a deposit on a house! You aren't in a position to write off four grand.

blueberrypie0112 · 18/04/2015 17:38

Say yes if you don't expect to have it back.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 18/04/2015 17:41

Yes I have given my sister a smaller sum when she asked to borrow a large one. Not a fan of lending to anyone.

HermiaDream · 18/04/2015 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sweetheartyparty76 · 18/04/2015 17:41

Oops I've double posted. She is currently paying her MIL but she confided in me that she will stop paying her once they move. I have also loaned money to her years ago and i didn't get it back. She says she can pay me back when they sell but that could be after we sell ours.

OP posts:
HermiaDream · 18/04/2015 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

nemo81 · 18/04/2015 17:42

Will the council house them if they have sold their home? My local council wouldn't, they would be classed as intentionally homeless and not offered a council property.

Sweetheartyparty76 · 18/04/2015 17:42

We live in County Durham. Are u interested in a 3 bed terrace? Grin

OP posts:
LIZS · 18/04/2015 17:43

So she feels under no obligation to repay debts, even to family Hmm

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 18/04/2015 17:44

Say no. You're doing her no favours in the long run. I feel sorry for the kids.

Redcastle · 18/04/2015 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Nolim · 18/04/2015 17:45

Op you know that the chances of getting your money back are slim to none, right?

gamerchick · 18/04/2015 17:46

Seriously say no.... Just that one word via a text reply.

AyeAmarok · 18/04/2015 17:46

"Hi sis, sorry, no can do. We need every penny for our deposit ".

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.