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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Have you ever really disliked a DP's neice(s) or nephew(s)?

22 replies

BoredAdminGirl · 17/04/2015 13:27

and how did you deal with it when they come round.

Just asking, of course

OP posts:

Report

FenellaFellorick · 17/04/2015 13:31

Yeah, course. It's impossible to like everyone. My nieces and nephews range in age from toddlers to people only a few years younger than I am. There are some that I click with more than others, we're all only human.

It's just about being polite and courteous and not letting it show.

Unless of course their behaviour is unacceptable, in which case it's fine to say so.

But if it's just a clash over minor stuff or a plain old personality clash, then it's a case of sucking it up and being the grown up.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/04/2015 13:43

Yep - one of my Ex's nieces when she was younger.
She was a whiny, cry-ee, shouty child.
She's absolutely lovely now though.

And my niece used to be a nightmare. Didn't like her at all.
Again, she's now turned into a delightful adult.

ImperialBlether · 17/04/2015 13:43

Yes, "fake it till you make it" is the way to go!

Quitelikely · 17/04/2015 13:45

How about going out of the house whilst they visit?

BoredAdminGirl · 17/04/2015 13:55

What if they are really rude, butting in, staring at me whilst making a funny face. Driving me to the point I want to scream!

Because I don't have a car, sometimes DP will drive us to their house on way back from work....leaving me unable to leave as I can not get home by foot

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 17/04/2015 13:57

How old is the child and are there other children there? Are they on your side of the family or your DP's? Are you obliged to visit them?

BoredAdminGirl · 17/04/2015 14:01

DP's

She is 9. Cried until she had a macbook air for xmas. Received that then cried because her Mum wouldn't buy her an iphone 5c in the boxing day sales.

DP's mum had a very very serious car crash and during an argument with the Neice, Neice said she wished the gran had died in the crash.

Calls her Mother a bitch, comments on how thin my hair is and mocks any kind of facial expression I make.

It's painful

OP posts:

GlitzAndGigglesx · 17/04/2015 14:04

My own nephew turned pretty nasty but if I say anything to him my sister throws a huge bitch fit and says I'm nitpicking because she hasn't seen or heard what he's done. He also has a habit of lying or twisting things. You can't please everyone sadly

ImperialBlether · 17/04/2015 14:26

She sounds horrible, OP. What do her parents make of her?

FenellaFellorick · 17/04/2015 14:27

well that comes under unacceptable behaviour and you tell them to pack it in, Bored. That is really awful behaviour and she needs pulling up on it.

Quitelikely · 17/04/2015 14:31

How on earth can the parents sit and watch while their child behaves this way!

They are actually ruining the child. Literally.

Believe me op the child was not born that way but they have clearly not kept her in check.

Next time she is rude to you, say

'Excuse me?' With a bemused look on your face

'Could you please not speak to me like that'

'If you've got nothing nice to say please don't speak to me'

ImperialBlether · 17/04/2015 14:32

You and your partner need a zero tolerance policy with her, even if her parents can't do that. If she criticises you or her mum, you need to say, "Don't talk to me/your mum like that" and your DP needs to say the same. Don't shout it, just say it in a very firm voice.

What's she like in school?

BoredAdminGirl · 17/04/2015 14:47

I don't feel like I can say anything, DP and Neice's mum let her get on with it. They may give her a right telling off but the girl just grimaces and pretends she doesn't care.

Urgh.

One day I will bite. I've done the "excuse me"?? and it seemed to work

OP posts:

Miggsie · 17/04/2015 14:51

Just challenge her all the time - and make sure your DH does as well.

Many kids won't listen to mothers or aunts but pay attention when a man says "don't speak to people like that".

ImperialBlether · 17/04/2015 14:52

Maybe it would work if you could sound like her teacher in the way you talk to her.

I'd want to slap her, personally, especially over the grimace!

BoredAdminGirl · 17/04/2015 14:56

It drains me! I'm not good at keeping emotions to myself so when I leave there I am in a foul mood and really drained. I think my frustration is more bcause she isn't being disciplined!

OP posts:

blueberrypie0112 · 17/04/2015 15:07

my sister did not really like my teen son. oh well. She never was around when he was growing up so he wasn't really close to her.

She doesn't have kids so I don't think she cared too much for them.

blueberrypie0112 · 17/04/2015 15:09

Just challenge her all the time - and make sure your DH does as well.

Many kids won't listen to mothers or aunts but pay attention when a man says "don't speak to people like that". --

I think they have that deep voice that scares them. But my kids don't pay attention to their dad either.

blueberrypie0112 · 17/04/2015 15:36

"DP's

She is 9. Cried until she had a macbook air for xmas. Received that then cried because her Mum wouldn't buy her an iphone 5c in the boxing day sales.

DP's mum had a very very serious car crash and

Calls her Mother a bitch, comments on how thin my hair is and mocks any kind of facial expression I make.

It's painful"

Is she unable to cope with anger? it may be beyond their help if that's the case.

Don't get in an argument with them, shut it down immediately. Some kids, such as her, always want the last word and will continue forever if they could... they will say stuff like this to keep the argument going so they can have the last word (to "win")

pdxs · 17/04/2015 15:56

It's sounds like perhaps this girl is not getting very good structure/enough attention from her parents (if they are not acting on this rudeness) : could you try to find a common interest /activity as if she sees you as a friend may behave better?

If that is not for you, just ignore her and occupy yourself with your phone! !

pocketsaviour · 17/04/2015 21:09

Why are you visiting them?! Don't put yourself through that shit, just don't go. Tell your DP to drop you home first as you don't feel like dealing with her incessant whining and bitching. Life's too short!

Isetan · 18/04/2015 06:39

Tell your partner what youve told us, that you'd rather not go and watch this child being damaged by her behaviour,not being adequately challenged.

I'm guessing everyone's so used to this dynamic and are so close to the situation, that they can't see how damaging it is. It is their prerogative how they handle the situation but it doesn't mean you have to be a spectator.

This child's primary carers are the greater problem.

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