New partner & ED any experience?

[Notgoodwithwords]

Not sure what advice I'm asking for really but a few dates in & things got passionate .. He couldn't get an erection & told me that due to illness it happens a lot.
He is under 40 but only advice GP have was to take Viagra. Which he doesn't want to do.
I am very keen on him & we get along so well, I don't have a huge sex drive so could this work?? So confused.

[mommyof23kids]

If you are both happy with an almost sexless relationship then it could definitely work. If you are not actually happy with it then it will mess with your self esteem in the long run.

[heylilbunny]

Can he get a second opinion from a specialist in ED? I'm not sure what medical speciality that would be, Urologist? I definitely would not accept the opinion of one short visit to the GP.

[Greenrememberedhills]

If he do don't want to keep help I would see that as a problem, especially do early on. It's like saying that your needs don't matter as much as his.

I wouldn't be happy with a relationship started on these terms. Only you can decide if you are.

[dominogocatgo]

Presumably he can still pleasure you in other ways ?

[LividofLondinium]

Has the GP referred him to a specialist? What was the GP's diagnosis?

[Notgoodwithwords]

It's very early days so I haven't asked too many details.. But he is diabetic & the GP says that is the cause.

I wonder that at our ages there should be more to a relationship anyway (especially considering he is such a nice guy) & we could still have a pleasurable sex life even if intercourse doesn't happen every time.

I've been single or dating real idiots for years .. He is the nicest most fun & compatable guy I've met for so long.

[ToYouToMe]

Why doesn't he want to take Viagra?

[Sienna17]

I had a partner who had this problem due to diabetes. He never got fully hard and had had the problem for over 10 years. The doctor had prescribed Viagra but it didn't work, from what I understand it was because the diabetes had caused some sort of tissue damage. We still had a sex life and I could make him ejaculate but he was never hard enough for penetration. Obviously you don't know him very well yet to discuss it, but I would suggest he at least gives Viagra a try as it could work for him. It sounds like you think he's a really nice guy so if you are open and honest about it all from the start then hopefully things will work out. Good luck!

[pocketsaviour]

Did he seem happy to bring you off without him getting hard? If so, I'd give it a go with him. If not, I'd sack him off now and keep him as a friend; I have a high sex drive too and this would really get to me over time. As someone else says its a huge self-esteem killer.

[Cygnet44]

My new partner suffers with ED and takes medication prescribed by his GP to help him (can't remember the name but I'm assuming it's some type of generic viagra). It happened to him because of the stress of a horrible, abusive marriage and he found he couldn't maintain an erection. He was reluctant to tell me because he thought I would think he didn't fancy me enough to be able to maintain an erection but it makes absolutely no difference in how I feel about him. We have a very fulfilling sex life, it's very loving and he still has to be turned on/sexually aroused for the medication to actually work. He lasts longer and loves to give me pleasure in other ways, which in my book is great!! He takes a pill half hour before we are ready and normal foreplay starts for the tablet to get working. We don't let it get in the way and sometimes we actually have a little private joke about it. I would broach the subject again and ask him if he's willing to give it a try, it really doesn't make him any less of a man at all.
If you love and care for this man you will make it work for you

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

If I really liked him, it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me, no. PIV is not the only kind of sex!

[Notgoodwithwords]

Thank you everyone for your messages & very helpful post Cygnett.. I defiantly think it's worth giving things a go. He is very keen to pleasure me (not got that far yet) but probably this weekend.

[Poppiesway]

This could be my post. My bf of 6 mths has ED. He has type 2 diabetes which he is denial about, on metformin. I think it's poorly controlled and therefore has affected ED. I Have come to this conclusion myself as he's shy and won't talk about it, when he has he said its sore when he does have an erection so the fear of pain is putting him off. I feel that it is now putting a strain on us. It does eat away at your self esteem after a while, and no matter how logically I know the reasons why it still affects me and makes me feel unattractive. For a new relationship we should still be in the honeymoon period and should spend time together in bed: but due to issues he would rather watch a film etc. This makes me feel rejected. When a man won't ask / seek help what do you do?
Im in my 30's and I don't think I could continue like this forever no matter how much I love him, sometimes you just need PV sex!

[ALaughAMinute]

I once had a relationship with a man who suffered with ED, only his was down to performance anxiety and some unresolved problems with his ex wife.

He was able to satisfy me in other ways and I would even say he was a good lover, but in the end my self esteem couldn't take it so I ended it. His problems were psychological and not medical so it was probably harder for me to deal with.

Good luck. I hope it works out well for you.

[Allofaflumble]

If he is willing to work out the problem, yes worth a go. If he is letting you take on analysis of all the reasons, blah blah, then move on. It can become an albatross around the neck (and esteem)!