Im a regular lurker on here but have changed my name because I feel like a complete idiot 
.
met a guy a couple of years ago on a dating site after my marraige ended due to his affair-I had been on my own for 2 years and felt the time was right to dip my toe in the dating scene.XH treated me very badly and it took a long time to build up my self esteem again. The guy I met is nearly 50 (I am 43) and had also come out of a marraige where his wife left him, we had a lot in common and hit it off.
It has never really been particularly passionate and quite often I have felt more like a friend than a girlfriend, he never made any particuar attempt to get to know my children but I put this down to him being cautious as he had no children himself.
He would only see me on sheduled occasions-basically when my children went to my exs and last summer when I started asking where the relationship was going, he suddenly out of the blue ended it.
A week later he came back all apologies and said he was confused etc.I gave him the benefit of the doubt as I knew his divorce was proving problematic and was causing a lot of stress.
A week after we got back together he had a sudden two week lull in between starting a new job and completely astonished me by booking a last minute week long holiday in the sun, just for him.
His best friend and his wife seemed very shocked at his behaviour and were very surprised he didnt ask me along, it didnt surprise me as this would be the second holiday abroad he had taken without me.
When he came back, he seemed very into our relationship, and everyone commented on the change in him, however it didnt last long, before he ws back to normal, barely contacting me in between dates, just casual and quite formal text messages. The irony is that he lives in the same town as me just a stones throw from my house and could call in whenever he liked
A week ago I finally challenged him about our relationship as I realised that we simply hadnt got past dating, almost two years in.His reply was that he loved me a lot but he didnt want to come round all the time as he had lots to do in his house! He subsequently admitted that he didnt see himself living with me and my children.
I was upset yet he didnt seem to understand why, I pointed out to him that I felt like nothing more than a companion for him on the nights he had nothing to do, he said it wasnt like that and didnt understand why I cant be happy with the status quo.
I feel quite gutted as everything I hoped for from this relationship seems to have gone out of the window, I have been nothing more than a casual thing.
My mother said the reality is that hes not madly in love with me and just wanted a casual easy girlfriend arrangement, but my friends say give him time.
We have been together almost two years and he says tat, he doesnt know what he wants, he would like to think we may live together..one day..it is all so vague, I pointed out that Im not looking for living togetehr right now but feel we should at least be discussing a future, his response is to just mumble vagely.
I had a text from today saying he hoped we wouldnt break up as he would miss me, and he has now texted me all day saying Im the love of his life, blah blah etc.I just dont believe him.
I know that I need to kick him into the kerb and walk away, but I need the courage to do so..right now
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Relationships
Need some hand holding to help me walk away
feelsosad1971 · 31/03/2015 17:06
CarbeDiem-I know I deserve so much more, I found myself thinking that maybe this was as good as I will get
I think the occasional blow job was just a quick fix for him and he never returned the favour.
GET RID. Dear christ. You have been used, my love, I'm sorry. He is never going to want more than he's currently getting. Assuming you do (like a partner who actually is interested in your sexual needs, for a start), bin him off now because you're never going to find someone else while you're dangling at the end of his string!
it all looks rather pathetic written down no he isnt much of a catch.
Im pretty happy in my own company and my children have always come first, I only saw him when the children went to my ex h;s.
I run my own business so am pretty busy any way..
I'm trying not to view our time together as wasted.but I do realise I've been flogging a dead horse for a couple of years.One of his parting shots was to say he did love me but obviously couldn't comply with all my needs.. 
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I just feel so flat today, I adore my children but my life revolves around work and the dc's, I just want something for me, my closest friends are all married/in long term relationships so they are busy with their lives. I really cant face the thought of weekends and evenings alone.
I always have plenty to do but thats not the point, I think I may forget what adult human beings look like.
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