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Please help with this GP issue.

21 replies

Hobby2014 · 30/03/2015 10:37

Probably one for AIBU but not brave enough!

So this is about mine and DHs parents and how they see DS, their GS who is 7.5months old. All of their ages are 45-49 so no major age differences.

Background:
I'm just going to call one set GP1 and the other GP2

GP1 are local - about 3 minutes in the car. They both drive. They both work full time out of the home. One is self employed so had a bit of leeway, the other isn't.
They have an active social life in that they're hardly ever in at the weekend or have people over a lot.

GP2 aren't local - about 2.5hr round trip by car. Or 5hr round drip on train. They don't drive. They both work part time from home and do jobs that mean they can work extra one week and have the next week off.
They don't have a massive social life, are pretty much always home and always free.

GP1 we see most weekends for a few hours, at our organising - they don't often arrange meet ups, we do. However sometimes when they say they're in and free, they're in but already have visitors so they don't give DS as much attention as they would if they didn't have other visitors. (I will add that we usually either don't know the visitors or they are people we've met before but don't know or speak to).
The grandmother of DS will sometimes arrange a visit in the week where she'll pop in after work (she's the self employed one) if she's had a quiet day.
They don't do much with DS, ie nappy or bottle or feeding or putting down for a nap, they will play with him for a bit (but sometimes they can visit and not pick him up because he's in his jumperoo and they don't want to disturb him or he's playing on the floor and he's having fun etc despite us saying no it's ok give him a cuddle!) and they always give him to us when he needs anything else. They seem to be more interested in showing him off to family and friends, taking photos and sharing on facebook, wanting to take him to parties to show everyone etc.

GP2 we see once a month, more if there's a birthday or celebration inbetween visiting times. Sometimes the grandmother will visit and stay for 4 days (she mostly comes by train (Â£25) but sometimes will pick her up). (They can't both come as they have cats so the grandfather always stays behind). Sometimes we'll visit there, staying for a few days up to a week (as they can jiggle their work around). They both get stuck in, feeding, changing him, giving bottles, settling for naps, playing, reassuring him when he cries, cuddling and they also get to bath him (as we stay over or the grandmother stays here). They enjoy just watching DS, watching his mind work, watching him trying to figure stuff out, watching him learning to do things etc.

Ok so now the issue ::
GP1 are annoyed that we stay at GP2 house. They'd like us to stay at their house too so they can get the bonding with DS that GP2 get. I totally get that a few hours at the weekend is different to a few solid days. But I think it's a lot of effort to load the car up (we live in a flat up 3 flights of stairs with no lift and neither GPs have anything there for him except a few toys and GP2 have a travel cot) with what comes with staying away from home with a baby when they live so close they could just find time to see DS more and more quality time ie not when they have other visitors already. I feel that GP1s life just isn't the same as GP2 in that they work out of the home and have a busier social life so it just doesn't work the same as if they worked from home and didn't always have visitors over. Does that make sense?
They have the option to see him loads either at the weekend or after work (grandmother finishes at 2-4 each day, grandfather finishes at 5). And that even if we stayed there they'd still be busy doing things or with people visiting.
GP1 also have 3 dogs so can't stay here as we have no garden so we'd have to stay there.

Any opinions on this? Should we be sleeping at GP1 house even though we live near? Should they make more time/put more effort in? Are we being unfair?

OP posts:

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CheersMedea · 30/03/2015 10:46

GP1 are being ridiculous.

You are absolutely wasting mental energy even thinking about this.

Enjoy having two sets of GP who are interested in your child and ignore any bonding whinging by GP1.

You may want to point out to them that this is a short term problem. When your child is older, he can go and stay with them.