Sorry, very long but I'd appreciate some perspective.
My mum raised me as a single parent with much help from her extended family. My dad was never involved and his existence rarely acknowledged by anyone. He's dead now.
Now, I'm an adult, in my 30s, a mother myself and I live a short domestic flight away from my mum.
Mum has few friends, and family still alive are a bit distant. We see each other frequently. She is an academic and is usually busy with work.
As a child, she was over protective and over bearing- eg not letting me go to cinema with friends when I was 13/14, never letting me ride a bike as it was dangerous. However she failed to protect me from sustained emotional abuse from her toxic mum and siblings (name calling, put downs etc. A good example is her mum would always have a tantrum on my birthday as I was getting attention and usually would steal my stuff.)
My mum also used my dad as a weapon against me. She didn't tell me who he was until I was a teenager and that was because I had misbehaved. It was said in spite IYSWIM?
I had bulimia from 14-25. When she found out she went spare at me.
Now, it's still tough for me to deal with her. She's always fretting, constantly asking me if I'm alright and acting like I'm made of glass and likely to shatter any time. I told her she exhausts me and to lay off but all I get is 'oh I know I'm annoying, everyone must think so as I don't hear from anyone' etc etc.
I have not been well lately and I'm finding the constant 'monitoring' of my every fucking move very irritating.
When I told her I was pregnant she was upset because she 'knew what I had to go through'. She would often cry. Second preg she cried again and I fucking flipped. I said all I've ever wanted was to be normal. Have two children, a job. Just be bloody normal.
I'm now an adult with low self esteem, anxiety and a range of emotional problems. However I have been reasonably successful in work etc and I think I'm a decent mum.
But I walk around with a cloud. I worry about my mum. She is lonely, she is needy. There's only me. I have no siblings. She makes me feel guilty for not living closer but I had to move for work opportunities that just don't exist at home. I'm just tired.
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Emotionally exhausting mum
Tellmetheduckstory · 29/03/2015 10:18
Fifty, I could have totally written your post. I also find myself being a pleaser and on wobbly days feeling a bit needy (although I do my damnedest not to show it!)
I kind of go out of my way to build rapport with everyone around me, I think to prove to myself that I'm not an unlikeable person. I've recently learned to deal with the odd person not liking me - I'm fairly cheerful and that doesn't appeal to everyone - and it's actually quite liberating.
Mn is great on those wobbly days though 
MN is great, indeed!
My people-pleasing isn't so much about being liked (and in fact, thinking about it, I think I half expect most people to dislike me), it's more about angst as to whether I've done something to upset them.... Maybe it's paranoia rather than people-pleasing 
Ahh that's really sad
One thing I've read about narc mothers is the tendency to treat their daughters (and other children) as an extension of themselves. This is true for my DM - not so much in an engulfing way (as yours sounds a bit) but more in a boundary less way.
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