My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

God knows what I've done wrong now!

563 replies

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 19:20

hi to all
I've got a thread on here about my toxic mother but I'm not sure my dp is much better, can I think aloud and people give me their opinion
take today for example he's staying over as we are going to visit family in the morning for the weekend
he's been off work all week but I've not seen him since Saturday as he's been "busy"
he was meant to come last night but cancelled as his ex threatened if he didn't have his son while she went drinking he wouldn't be seeing him again
so hes coming tonight ive spoken to him a few times today and he's just so angry all the time bites my head off for the smallest thing
the only thing I have done today is say oh probably in a bit of a dissapointed voice when he said he had to go and see his mum at 8 so no idea when he will get here...infact his words were ill be there when I'm there stop putting pressure on me ( I havent seen him all week! )
he's bringing a takeaway so I guess he will call when he's there to ask what I want but he has literally bit my head off in every single conversation today!
I said are you going to be in a better mood or be nice when you get here, I didn't mean it to be patronising I just wanted a heads up and his reply was yeah if u do this this and this and don't do this or this
surely there shouldn't be so many rules for someone to just be kind???
I have no idea why he's so angry/nasty atm

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 27/03/2015 19:24

What are his 'good points' ?

Guiltypleasures001 · 27/03/2015 19:26

Even based on this one conversation ide tell him to get a takeaway for one and don't ever bother darkening your door again.

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 19:29

I used to think he had lots
the nice bits have gradually got less and less though and he is by far angry with me ( about what I don't know ) more than he is nice
he says I stress him out but I can't think of anything I do that would esp as I hardly see him!
its like he's bipolar or something he phones and is all snappy/ stressed for no apparent reason then half hour later he calls back and is singing laughing etc and telling me why don't I cheer up I'm so moody!

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 27/03/2015 19:33

Uh Huh. So he's got you all edgy and anxiously wanting to keep him calm and nice has he?

pictish · 27/03/2015 19:36

If it walks like an arse and quacks like an arse, it's an arse.
He's horrible to you a lot of the time. Why entertain him at all?

its like he's bipolar or something he phones and is all snappy/ stressed for no apparent reason then half hour later he calls back and is singing laughing etc and telling me why don't I cheer up I'm so moody!

Fuck that.

Coyoacan · 27/03/2015 19:38

his ex threatened if he didn't have his son while she went drinking he wouldn't be seeing him again

I presume those are his words and I find them quite revealing. He is bad-mouthing his ex and also sounds reluctant to look after his own child.

paxtecum · 27/03/2015 19:39

Get rid.

Life will be so much better without him.

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 19:42

Yeah exactly! I've got my list of do's and don'ts if he is expected to be nice..This isnt an exaggeration he told me them
I don't want to be all "oh I've missed u so much" kiss kiss ( kiss arse ) when he gets here its degrading! I have missed him and was really looking forward to tonight but ffs why is it so hard for him to be kind!
I know if I sit there in a mood or pull him up about don't talk to me like that he will go Im not listening to this and go therefore ruining nice weekend away I've been looking forward to for ages. I can't go without him I don't drive and last min train prices are horrendous ( I've just checked ) and changing trains 3 times with 2 kids bags and a pushchair is not possible.. plus I've got so much other shit going on atm I really needed this break and a chance to see my family who live a long way away

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 27/03/2015 19:43

In my opinion what you should do is exactly described by GuiltyPleasures.

Takeaway for him alone at his place forever. He's a serious waste/drainer of energy!

It's Friday night, I think you should have a huuuge takeaway just for you! And a Wine or three. Phones switched off.

SilentBob · 27/03/2015 19:44

mum I know you don't mean it in a derogatory way and are trying to find a label/ reason for the way this guy is acting but please please don't say he sounds/acts like he is bipolar.

What you describe is not bipolar 'behaviour.' It is the behaviour of a twat. IMHO, that is the only label he needs right now and if he didn't wise up quick-smart, he'd be an ex of mine quicker than he could say 'you need to do..'

A real partner does not need your validation to make them happy. A real partner is there for you if you are moody. A real partner does not get their kicks from making you feel like you have done something wrong.

Kick him to the kerb, OP, or lay it on the line and see how it evolves from there. Good luck.

tipsytrifle · 27/03/2015 19:44

why is it so hard for him to be kind!

Because he is the wrong man for you, dear mumto3

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 19:45

cocoyan yeah those are his words hes not reluctant to look after his child I dont think he has him 3/4 days a week so its very 50/50 but was not his day he had plans and she uses threats to get him to do what she wants
he does the same thing to me i guess....ive never really thought about it in that way! coz his threats are more I musnt do this rather than I must...

OP posts:
silverbangles66 · 27/03/2015 19:50

I think he sounds awful.

Although perhaps work on your independence and organisation too, as not being able to face changing trains is not a healthy reason to put up with his disrespect.

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 19:52

sorry silentbob I honestly didnt mean to cause offence :( stupid way to describe his mood swings I apologise I'm just a bit stressed

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 27/03/2015 19:52

I can't take the moral high-ground on this one, unfortunately, but bad mouthing the ex is considered to be a red flag.

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 19:57

I didnt mean I will put up with this so as not to change trains with more notice I would have done that and booked a cheap ticket but has been planned for ages we would go in the car and trains are ridiculously expensive now...plus I wanted to have a nice weekend with him not without him

OP posts:
SilentBob · 27/03/2015 19:59

Don't worry mum, no offence taken, I just didn't want to be lumped in with a twat! And I know exactly what you meant, I guess I was also feeling a little sensitive this evening, which your partner would probably describe as moody Wink

Have you thought of what you're going to do with regards to this relationship?

Sorry if I've missed it but is it a long relationship?

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 20:03

I have no idea what to do....he hasnt called yet to say hes at the takeaway
ive sent him a msg but he hasnt read it guess its just sitting and waiting to see if he calls/turns up and more importantly what mood hes in!
its funny as I know he will play the doting boyf all weekend when we are with my family but thats not him!
weve been together 2 years

OP posts:
pictish · 27/03/2015 20:09

It is hard for him to be kind because he is unkind.
Everything seems to be on his terms. That's no good.

tipsytrifle · 27/03/2015 20:14

I suspect you do know exactly what to do but you're maybe not quite ready to face it. So, another w/e when he turns up as and when in whatever shitty mood and you failing to appease him, while everyone else in the world thinks he's an amazing b/f .. well .. i'm pissed off just thinking about it, how about you?

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 20:18

I do know what I should do I should be much harsher Ive put up with this behaviour for so long now from him although I'm sure he knows hes being a dick he also knows I won't call him on it
he said what am I moaning about ive got him all weekend like I'm meant to be saying back oh thank you so much I really appreciate u putting yourself out to spend time with me
his ego really is out of control!

OP posts:
pictish · 27/03/2015 20:27

So why are you with him? That's a genuine ask. Ask yourself!

He's egotistical, selfish and mean to you. He conducts everything on his own terms and treats you like an afterthought. He thinks you ought to be grateful that he bothers with you at all.

Why don't you call him on it? What are you afraid of losing here?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 20:32

I'm not sure what I'm afraid of....thats not a cop out I honestly don't know but I am
I hate arguing ive had years of it so do anything to avoid an argument prob screwing myself over there tho

OP posts:
pictish · 27/03/2015 20:37

Well...it's not a toss up between confronting him and having arguments or keeping schtum and keeping the peace.
There's always the option of not being in the relationship at all.
What is it about him that you don't want to lose?

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 20:41

hes just sent a msg saying he is coming but bear with him as hes helping his mum and dont nag at him when he gets here he doesnt like arguments yet that's all hes been doing all day!
I didn't reply and got another saying love you....yeah right!

OP posts:
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.