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BF buying used "panties" online

(151 Posts)
Liger123 Fri 27-Mar-15 13:23:27

Sorry for the icky subject matter, but I can't tell anyone this in RL and just need to share it with someone.

I've been seeing a guy for just over a month and it's been going quite well so far. Although some may think that it's a bit soon to call him my BF, he is the one who suggested we date exclusively and who uses those titles.

Anyway, for some reason I've started to go off him a bit. He seems "too sweet to be wholesome" iyswim. Shamefully, I had a right old google. This may be seen as an invasion of privacy, but what I came across was posted publicly by him and I don't regret that I've caught him out in a way.

So he comes up on Pinterest (full name, photo, the works) and has pinned three pairs of "worn panties" to buy, in the last week.

Yes, he's a grown man and can spend his money on whatever he likes, but that's not really the point. Although we've been dating a relatively short time, we've grown close and spent a lot of time together, so I feel a bit betrayed that he's been buying/ at least looking at these things whilst with me. OTOH, I feel I've had a lucky escape.

How should I play this though? I have no desire to continue our relationship but I'm the kind of person where if I don't say how I feel, it will eat away at me. I fully know that I don't come across very well in this situation either though...

Thank you for reading and any advice on what I should say/do would be v much appreciated.

pocketsaviour Fri 27-Mar-15 13:27:35

So he comes up on Pinterest (full name, photo, the works) and has pinned three pairs of "worn panties" to buy, in the last week.

Really...

HellKitty Fri 27-Mar-15 13:29:03

I'd dump him just for using the word 'panties'.

momb Fri 27-Mar-15 13:29:47

So how do you feel?
If that's what you need to tell him, then first work it out and then say it.

Personally I'd just LTB and save my breath but if you need the last word then just do it.

Liger123 Fri 27-Mar-15 13:30:10

Yes, really. Don't know why you're being so snarky pocket
It had a link to his twitter profile as well.

Cabrinha Fri 27-Mar-15 13:30:17

Don't worry about not coming across well.
For looking at publicly available information?!
The world has changed.
Nowadays, we often date complete strangers off the internet. Not checking them out would be stupid, frankly.
The rules have changed now. Or if not rules - sensible etiquette!

I told my new internet found boyfriend that I'd looked him up. I've read on here enough that people have discovered men are married the way! shock

I didn't feel 100% comfortable looking without telling, so I told him - I checked out that you work where you said you worked, I'm sorry if you find that intrusive, but my safety is important. He said he found it a bit weird, but he understood. And it's never come up again.

Please don't call making sensible checks of available information "shameful". It isn't.

I'd just tell him it wasn't working out for me, spark that was initially there isn't developing.

Missqwerty Fri 27-Mar-15 13:31:25

How do you know one of his friends hasn't done this as a prank?

shovetheholly Fri 27-Mar-15 13:33:19

I would let him know why you've decided to end things.

And then offer him a good rate on mine, so I could fund expensive lingerie for new dates

Liger123 Fri 27-Mar-15 13:33:29

It was the selling site that used the word "panties" kitty , though he obviously knew where to look.

I feel ill, tbh momb. I know everyone has their kinks, but it just seems a step too far... Thing is, if I am to have the last word, he'll know that I've acted a bit stalkerish, so may have to just suck it up. It's nice to vent on here though, thanks all for the replies.

CuriouSir Fri 27-Mar-15 13:37:22

harmless hobby

HellKitty Fri 27-Mar-15 13:37:23

Liger -
'I was on Twitter the other day and thought of you, your name came up with a link to a site. Is that for real?'

Just keep it light! Everyone checks everyone out online now, you definitely aren't stalking - or will come across like that either.

Liger123 Fri 27-Mar-15 13:38:08

Thanks Cabrinha ! It's true what you say, and if he's stupid enough to leave a trail like that online, he deserves to be caught out.

I don't think it's a prank qwerty because it took me three pages of google search to find it blush and the photo/username is the same as with all his social media profiles. It took a bit of nosiness to find it, so would be a v slow-burning prank and not really worth it, iyswim.

MiniTheMinx Fri 27-Mar-15 13:53:37

I don't think you owe him an explanation after a month or so, not really. Just call it off. Its up to him what he spends his spare time doing, or his money. I couldn't fancy someone who did this sort of thing, find it a bit icky. The fact that he gets off sniffing women's knickers, women he hasn't met and will not be meeting...well he will carry on doing it, its probably not something that will change just by being in a relationship with you. Its not as though most single men who are experiencing drought buy used knickers and then stop, its a kink/fetish and not usually subject to rational thinking.

Redcherries Fri 27-Mar-15 14:06:40

I actually can't think of any helpful advise, maybe after a month just cut your losses and if if asks why just say you googled him and felt his interests weren't compatible.

I use pinterest for all things food related, I am never going to feel the same about it again!

SensationalGirl Fri 27-Mar-15 14:06:48

Eww eww eww. I'd dump him too.

Dodged a bullet there.

Jacana Fri 27-Mar-15 14:08:52

So your spidey senses were spot on, weren't they, even if not quite what you expected.

I'd say dump him and tell him why. He might be munching /sniffing/licking worn 'panties' for kicks but no way this should be eating into you. How you tell him's up to you, me I'd be mailing him with a link to the panties site, wouldn't want to meet him again, but it's your call

Googling someone? It's the name of the game these days and if peeps want to keep their lives private there are enough security settings around to make this happen, so no need for any embarrassment, honest.

burleysurely Fri 27-Mar-15 14:09:24

Get rid now.

Wondering how much used pants go for and considering starting a side line career

ThatBloodyWoman Fri 27-Mar-15 14:12:53

Just dump him.
Don't fret about how.

cozietoesie Fri 27-Mar-15 14:16:32

burley

I understand that these items are mass-produced using (among other things) the drainings from tuna cans. I guess it depends how much you like tuna?

Cabrinha Fri 27-Mar-15 14:40:54

Tuna? envy

That's one of the reasons I'd walk away, tbh:

1. That fetish is not something that turns me on, so I'd be wary of incompatibility generally
2. If they were real used underwear, I think that's grim, truly grim
3. Even if it were my thing too, I'd be put off someone who was stupid enough (or didn't care) to be so public
4. The tuna can thing - I couldn't date someone stupid enough to pay money for something that's obviously going to be faked for money (note to XH: like the women you pay's admiration of your (non existent) sexual prowess

As a PP said - dodged a bullet!!

NeedABumChange Fri 27-Mar-15 14:45:07

I guess it's not hurting anyone confused

I would walk away 'cos it's not really my "thing".

Maybe make sure he doesn't have a vindictive ex first. Might have set it up to damage his reputation- does his work involve clients who might google him?

ErrWhat Fri 27-Mar-15 14:46:56

Why are you even asking?

SensationalGirl Fri 27-Mar-15 14:47:36

Tuna? Any man that thinks we smell like fish needs to be dumped pronto.

SylvaniansAtEase Fri 27-Mar-15 14:49:57

You could look at it another way.

It doesn't have to 'eat away' at you. It's a bit grim and very silly as they'll be fakes, but it's actually not that interesting and you could just file him as a bit of a twat and get rid. You were going off him anyway.

I honestly think if you confront him you'll feel silly that you did in 6 months time. Whereas if you do a huge internal eye roll and walk away, that nails it about right.

cozietoesie Fri 27-Mar-15 14:54:42

These people are not balanced individuals, Sensational. I'd be running not walking.

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