im feeling so low at the moment I would like it if I could talk to someone

[lw1234EL]

Im kinda in a relationship 13 years and I feel so low and have no self confidence

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

Hand holding

What is it that you want to talk about? There are some far more eloquent people than me here but I'm more than happy to listen until they come along

Have a and pull up a chair!

[lw1234EL]

I do not really know. I just know I cry alot. He likes to go out alot. In the past we have broken up and hes got with other people (maybe im not over that) but he says im not going out then gos out and does drugs and doesn't come home till late or sometimes doesn't come home.

[MatildaTheCat]

Sounds a charmer. Any dc? Any good points or more bad points.

What would you like to happen? Realistically...

[lw1234EL]

Haha we have 5 children. When hes not going out hes so loving and nice hes the person I fell in love with. We holds me and I feel so protected our children adore him. Hes been great up until thses past few weeks. I would like us to be happy again to be back at that place. Where he gos out but stays off the drugs coz when hes on them his persona changes

[lw1234EL]

I would like to know aswell why I cling on to this behaviour why don't I walk away

[MatildaTheCat]

A dad who goes out on drug binges isn't really stating a great example to his 5 dc let alone supporting you,crying at home feeling helpless.

If he's only started up this behaviour (again?) recently, do you know why? Sounds as if you've been here before and are going round in circles.

[MatildaTheCat]

Good question. Why don't you? Seriously, what are the obstacles. If you want out there are ways of achieving it. Lots of ladies on here who can help with practical advice.

Are you married? Guessing not from you 'kinds relationship'.

[lw1234EL]

I know I know. I don't know why I think its to do with the circle of friends he his hes 30 they are younger with no responsibilities. But I alway know hes an adult and is responsible for his own actions. Yes I have, maybe twice a year for the past few years

[lw1234EL]

I don't want to loose him. Im obviously not wired up right I know that.

[lw1234EL]

Marriage is just a word to me I feel like am I as I have devoted my life to this person. I feel loyal towards him. Maybe thats why I find it hard

[MatildaTheCat]

What is it about him you don't want to lose? And why do you feel so bad about yourself? Some men purposely train their partners into putting up with their crappy behaviour by gradually eroding their self esteem and self confidence until they actually believe they are better off staying with a man who treats them this way. Not so.

What would you say to a friend in this situation?

[lw1234EL]

The nice him when he isn't drinking and doing drugs. I don't know why I feel bad about myself. Maybe I feel like I would be alone forever maybe I feel like I could get no better. It could be that I feel like it's my fault maybe im not loving or nice. I don't know.
I would probably say you deserve better. But you have to realise that yourself

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

Oh bless you.

If you could envision your perfect life in 5 years time, does it contain people like him?

[lw1234EL]

In 5 years time im going to be a qualified nurse. no I don't I would not be able to function with 12 hour shifts and kids to look while going through this

[lw1234EL]

Well it is over

[MatildaTheCat]

What has happened? Hope you are ok.

[lw1234EL]

Yes im ok thank you. Hes done the most grown thing by finishing it. He's says hes going to get help for his issues. Im going to get on with my life with my children and be happy :-)

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

Start of a new page for you. Hope you're ok
And do pursue that nurse thing...why on earth couldn't you do it? One step at a time - why not get all the relevant info together first and have a read through? Then take it from there?

What kind of nursing would you like to do?

[lw1234EL]

I am currently in college doing my GCSES. Then when I pass im going an access to higher education course. I would like to become a mental health nurse child/adolescents then would love to work up to child psychology. Our children are our future ?

[tipsytrifle]

Wow. We so need nurses! Please go for it! I am so sorry for the heartache you have been through. And in a weird way proud of him for setting you free. Take your freedom please and don't go back. Love and Light to you always.

[lw1234EL]

Thank you tipsytrifle

I am actually happy right like relieved. Im going to continue on my courses for myself and to give my children a good life. So excited about becoming a mental health nurse. Iv spent many hours helping people and I enjoy it so much. Would love to make sure I can help as many children as I can to be strong and believe in themselves and be happy and enjoy life as best they can :-)

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

You sound so strong. Really really good luck to you! Xx

[JuiceInAWineGlass14]

Keep on been strong!!! There will be dips but it's good to come on here and vent rather than texting/emailing him.
I'm nearly 3 weeks down the line and know it will be hard at times but having all the support on here and also in real life telling me what a prat he really was helps!
I found when I told people he had left iv had so many people invite me for nights out/ to have the children.

[lw1234EL]

I have I very good support from family and friends regarding the children. I have already had a night out. Got one sorted for next Friday. A holiday booked and a hen night in April. I know I also text him last night but didn't send it. He finished it to sort himself out but seen him outside the pub before. Thing is I'm going places moving forward and enjoying it. Don't get me wrong I miss him and still love him but iv been here to many times and for my sanity I have to keep strong and keep away from him. At the moment he is no good. During this time I am building my confidence and self esteem and probably wont want to go back.