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Relationships

My broken ankle and DH - not sure if I am being completely U

59 replies

Crutched · 05/03/2015 21:14

3 days ago I broke my right ankle. It has been a complete disaster. The pain is awful, I am struggling on the crutches. My eldest DD has to walk her younger siblings home from school and I worry the whole time as they cross a busy road.

I am sleeping on the sofa, I smell (am going to try a shower tonight). But worst thing is being completely dependant on DH.

His attitude is like he is cross with me, which I sort of understand as it was my fault (was doing something stupid), my ankle is broken. But he is so dismissive. I sent him links to 'hands free' crutches and a sort of scooter you put your knee in so you don't need to use crutches and can get about easier. He said it was too much money.

He and DD have a sports game at the same time as DS has a play. A friend offered to drive me and DS to the play but DH said it's not fair to burden her with having to help me (I need a lot of help, down the stairs of the house and into car and then the other end). I can see that but it makes me feel like I am trapped in the house for the next four weeks.

Also he called to inform me he has booked a cleaner for next week. Fair enough the house does desperately need help and we were planning on booking someone but only after tidying first (his mum is coming to stay). I said I'd rather it wasn't next week as I will feel awkward being stuck in the living room/still in a lot of pain, can it be the week after and he said no! It has to be next week and it's not like I can do it myself.

I don't know what I am going to do for the next month. I feel so trapped and tearful. I get it is massively inconvenient but DH doesn't want to help me he is just leaving me to fester on the sofa. He yelled at me for trying to help make dinner yesterday.

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Crutched · 05/03/2015 21:16

But I am on my own and in pain for 10+ hours a day so just working myself up and maybe being massively U. Don't know.

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jemstipp · 05/03/2015 21:21

Well how dare you inconvenience him. Sounds like he's being a dick. Don't let him treat you like that or when you're recovered give him a damn hard boot up the hole Angry

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Pico2 · 05/03/2015 21:22

Your friend's offer is between you and her, effectively none if your DH's business.

I'd get on and get the cleaner as your house isn't going to get better.

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mayfridaycomequickly · 05/03/2015 21:23

It depends really - only you and your dh know your finances well enough to know whether the crutches are 'too much money'

Wrt to the cleaner - the house can't have got that bad in 3 days. If it's always a tip and he's fes up of living in a mess and has sorted someone to come and help you all out then he's done the right thing imo.

Hopefully you'll feel better soon - sounds very painful Flowers

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Crutched · 05/03/2015 21:24

But I don't want a stranger around next week :( Maybe the week after when I can get myself upstairs it would be easier but I just can't stand the idea of having someone here so soon.

That's probably U isn't it.

He is right about it probably not being a good idea for me to go out this weekend given how hard it was to get me into the house but I hate how dismissive he was of the idea.

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ChillySundays · 05/03/2015 21:25

Sounds like he is pissed off that this happened after you did something stupid. Happens to loads of people. He needs to suck it up

If I was your friend I wouldn't be thinking about hassle - that's what friends do. Again your DH probably wants you to be suffering and stuck inside. Have you other friends who can come and visit.

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Only1scoop · 05/03/2015 21:27

I had months in plaster with a ruptured achilies....

I hired a wheelchair and got a stool for shower. Can up get up stairs on your bottom yet as not good for you to sleep on sofa every night.

It's one of those things and he needs to help you out a bit more.

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mayfridaycomequickly · 05/03/2015 21:28

That's fair enough and I wouldn't like it too much either but it really depends on whether a week is going to have a big impact on the mess in a house that the whole family have to live in.

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Crutched · 05/03/2015 21:29

If my foot even touches the floor or anything solid it's agony, I tried getting up the stairs on my bum and was crying in pain. The foot is broken too but not as badly as the ankle. I am hoping it will settle down quickly but it has pins in it so is really cumbersome.

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heyday · 05/03/2015 21:31

Do you have any friends who could pop in and cheer you up a bit?
If your friend has offered to drive you to the play then take her up on it. Nobody made her offer so she has done it of her own free will so it's nothing to do with your DH. Try to let things go a bit now. If the cleaner comes, then just let her get on with it. Try not to stress about it all too much.
I know this is going to be a tough few weeks but try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The time will soon pass. So get all the DVDs out that you have wanted to watch for ages but never had the time, get some decent books and try to pass the time constructively.
Good luck.

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Only1scoop · 05/03/2015 21:31

Oh Op that sounds awful....I could at least get up and downstairs in my cast.

You need ANYTHING that will make life even a tiny bit easier at the moment.

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jemstipp · 05/03/2015 21:31

Ffs. He's your husband. Doesn't matter how you hurt yourself. In sickness and in health right? To hell with the mess. If he's bothered he could get up off his arse and help. He should be a man and help you get up and down the stairs and give you a hand to get washed too.

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knackeredknees44 · 05/03/2015 21:41

When I broke my foot I sort of knelt going up the stairs. I put a chair in the kitchen and knelt the knee above my broken foot on that and that meant I could use both hands to do a little bit of chopping etc. I carried things in a carrier bag from room to room, which I hooked on the crutches. I used online shopping, my children liked checking it off on the list and putting it away. This doesn't mitigate your husband's behaviour, i'm just thinking about what helped me. I know I found crutches exhausting. Oh yes, I found a chair with castors helpful too, scooted about with my good foot when sitting down (only in side!!) You have my sympathy.

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Charlie97 · 05/03/2015 21:44

I ruptured my Achilles getting on for three weeks ago, I feel your pain.

Do you have on office type chair with wheels on? I'm getting great at whizzing around downstairs on that.

Also, do try and crawl up to bed, it's hard and tiring but you will sleep better and sleep,is a great healer.

As for your OH, give him a serious talking too, in sickness and I health and all that! He's out or order'

Hope you heal soon

G xx

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Crutched · 05/03/2015 21:47

Thanks guys.

The crutch thing I want is this //www.peglegs.co.uk I have ordered a plastic stool for the shower as well. I have an internet shopping order arriving today (hooray!), but the kids will need to put it away yes.

I am hoping I will feel less depressed and anxious with time/when it hurts less but I just hate the way DH seems to think I have to stay put exactly here. I know he doesn't want me to hurt my leg further but it is so frustrating.

My friend hasn't seen my leg, it might well be too much for her to help me at the moment with it being so sore but I feel rubbish that my DS is going to miss out. And I won't be able to get to DD's games either. Ugh.

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Only1scoop · 05/03/2015 21:53

Op have you got one of those limbo waterproof things to put over your leg in shower.

I found it fantastic. You can have it I can send to you if will be any use just let me know.

I wish you a speedy recovery

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catzpyjamas · 05/03/2015 21:56

Did you want the hands free crutch and scooter so you could continue as near to normal as possible? Maybe he thinks you shouldn't spend the money and just rest instead. Did he have an alternative solution to you and DS attending the play?
The bits of your post which jumped out at me were he has booked a cleaner and He yelled at me for trying to help make dinner yesterday. I suspect he is trying to help but just doesn't really know the best thing to do. I also think that you must be in horrible pain and that would make anyone emotional. My DH would drive me insane if I was incapacitated as he would vere between being really helpfulHmm and really frustrated.

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Twinklestein · 05/03/2015 21:58

Your friend offered the lift, as would I if you were my friend, it's none of your husband's business. Do you have your own money? If so buy whatever amenities will help you.

I don't really understand th fretting about people in the house we've always had cleaners.

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Charlie97 · 05/03/2015 22:12

I ruptured my Achilles getting on for three weeks ago, I feel your pain.

Do you have on office type chair with wheels on? I'm getting great at whizzing around downstairs on that.

Also, do try and crawl up to bed, it's hard and tiring but you will sleep better and sleep,is a great healer.

As for your OH, give him a serious talking too, in sickness and I health and all that! He's out or order'

Hope you heal soon

G xx

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cestlavielife · 05/03/2015 22:12

Ask your physio if the crutch thing will work. Before you buy it . Maybe a wheelchair ?
Accept the help
Accept the cleaner it s daft to want to do it yourself. Cleaners will,just get on with things. Just give them some idea of what you need doing.

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Crutched · 05/03/2015 22:14

I am fine with a cleaner coming (well sort of), just want another week to heal/get the hang of moving around. Just getting to the loo is such a production and the idea of having someone I don't know around gives me the skeevies. But I guess everyone is different!

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helgaw99 · 05/03/2015 22:14

I badly broke my ankle when I fell down the stairs while carrying my 3 week old baby- he was fine but I wasn't!

Things I found that helped:

  1. getting a special rubber sleeve that tightly fitted over cast so I could shower, then standing on one leg with the broken one kneeling on a chair.
  2. going upstairs on my bum one step at a time, then putting a chair at the top of the stairs- get to the top use handrails to pull to standing and then lower onto seat to get up last step.
  3. try and stay lying down as much as possible, with your leg up. So important to help the swelling go down as it won't heal if the swelling doesn't go down. Every time I put my foot on the floor it would throb and start to swell immediately.

    my husband and I fought like cat and dog for the first week or so while I had to get used to being useless abs he had to get used to how much help I needed- esp with a newborn. It settled down pretty quickly.

    Just so you know. I was in cast for 6 weeks and then had to wear a big boot for another 4 weeks and still wasn't allowed to weight bear. So it was 10 weeks in total. Don't get your hopes up too much to back to normal very soon.

    Sorry you are in pain and miserable. It really sucks.
    X
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IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat · 05/03/2015 22:26

It's sounds like you are both being a tad unreasonable - DH sounds like he's trying to put help in place & maybe being more realistic - if you can't get upstairs yet you're unlikely to cope with a trip outside and you don't want to risk an accident which could displace the fracture & need surgery.

The crutches are hard now but by next week it will start to get easier. I was non weight bearing for over 6 weeks with an unstable ankle fracture & I remember how much everything must hurt right now. It will get easier! DH needs to accept his extra responsibilities - regardless of how silly the accident was it's done now & nothing can change it - huffing about it is counterproductive.

You can hire wheelchairs from the Red Cross for a small donation if you're struggling with the crutches & it would allow you some independence. Get yourself a Limbo cast protector so you can shower and get someone to rearrange kitchen so you can get through there & sit on a bar type stool at worktop height with all the basics - kettle/microwave etc within reach. A backpack & a flask, bottles of water, tub for sandwiches etc will let you carry stuff from A to B while using crutches as its almost impossible otherwise. Start doing knee extension exercises to help you hold up your leg when going upstairs etc and bottom lifts off the couch (like mini tricep dips) will strengthen your arms to help with using the crutches. By end of week 1 it was my arms that hurt more than the ankle.

If you're up at fracture clinic to get your cast changed from backslab to lightweight cast ask them for Comfi crutches - the hospital will definitely have some and they are much easier on your hands as handles are shaped. If your ankle is still really sore phone GP to review your analgesia. Sorry for the essay but there's loads you can do to make life easier for yourself without spending loads of money.

It's worth accepting life is going to be less than ideal for next 6 weeks but it doesn't have to be awful Flowers

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Longdistance · 05/03/2015 22:31

I broke my tib and fib two years ago. Had surgery on it and metal work added.

I fell down the stairs, smashing my foot into a wall, as the the stairs were L shaped. I wasn't doing 'something stupid'. My h still fucking held it against me [anger]

Same as you, I hated my crutches, but wanted a wheelchair to move around the house with. There was plenty of room, as the house was in Oz at the time was huge. It was also met with a big fat no. I was on crutches for over 4 months as had slow recovery.

Would a wheelchair not help? Perhaps hiring one? I think the cleaners a great idea, I'd have bitten mt h's hand off if he did that. As a result the house was messy and dirty.

As pp quoted, when I was in hospital and h started to shouting at me, I literally turned out and shouted back 'have you forgotten your marriage vows? In sickness and in health?' Boy did that shut him up Grin

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Amara123 · 05/03/2015 22:37

I had this recently. Get the cleaner because I had to to maintain sanity in my house. As you are likely to be pretty much not very mobile for weeks it will put extra pressure on everyone else around you to pick up the slack of all the work you do! (Cue extra appreciation!)

Top tips from me:
As another poster said you need to have your feet up to reduce swelling
Try and get to your bed for night time and sleep with a pillow under your feet
I put a plastic garden chair in my shower to sit on
Get hubby to make a flask of hot water and leave with cups,teabags,milk in living room so you can have tea when he is out
Watch Netflix incessantly
Take pain relief when you need it and esp before bed
Get your husband to take you for drives to get out an about. In reality when you are first getting used to crutches you are actually really unstable on them so any long trips on them could lead to another fall (be careful of crutches in bathroom- big slip risk)
I had a plastic storage box on wheels which I used to put my plate on and roll across the kitchen floor
Stop trying to do normal things like cooking, what I realised when I tried to do this was my husband was not seeing a capable helpful wife, rather a crazy woman wobbling precariously around the kitchen with a broken limb carrying hot pans/ dishes- a health and safety nightmare!


Take it easy. You will get better. I've just started my rehab physio and it is coming back slowly but surely!

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