People who've had good experiences of counselling, how soon did you start to feel it was helping?

[simonettavespucci]

Just that really. I started counselling a few weeks ago - so far I'm not finding it makes me feel better. I'm aware that it's not an immediate fix and that stirring things up will be painful, but equally I've read on here many times about the importance of finding a therapist you click with. My question is HOW CAN I TELL?

The woman I talk to seems nice, but also slightly ?hostile, though maybe I'm just projecting because I feel uncomfortable. I've had conversations with non-therapists that have made me feel saner, but then counselling is not a normal conversation so maybe that's to be expected.

Does anyone have any thoughts on or experiences of this? Thank you!

[LittleMilla]

Happy to hand hold a little as I had my first session last night (and posted on here).

First ten mins I was thinking "she's not for me, too laid back, not directing things enough" but upon reflection, she coerced me to speak, a lot (!), and teased me in to things I wasn't 'planning' to say. Then her recap at the end made me realise she probably can read me and will help me tackle the things I've tried to ignore for a long time.

I'm scared at what she'll get out of me. which is bloody scary, but necessary I think.

sorry, slight ramble...x

[simonettavespucci]

Hey - thanks for replying - I will look up your thread.

Yeah - I kind of think that too - so far I've spent most sessions crying fairly constantly, so it must be getting at something.

But it kind of feels like being pummelled and it's hard to tell if it's good pain or bad pain. I think I thought it would be more sympathetic?

Hope your next session goes well for you.

[bonelope]

It depends on many things OP. The more you enter into the process the more you get out of it. By that I mean being as open and honest as possible.
However, I would say that if you don't feel like you connect after 4 or 5 sessions you should tell your counsellor. A good counsellor will check in with you periodically to see how you feel about how you're progressing.
It also depends on what you're seeing the counsellor for. Some things might just need some outside clarity and a few tweaks, others might be very complex and deep seated issues.
Are you doing joint counselling or individual? IME joint counselling takes longer because you're dealing with the issues of two people rather than just one.
Well done to you for seeking help. The first step is always the hardest!

[pumpkinpie5]

Hi

I've had counselling for a while. The counsellor I'm seeing now is the third one I have seen. First one was through employee assistance and I didn't have a choice, didn't really look forward to going and didn't really relate to her although she was nice enough, so I stopped seeing her after eight sessions. I looked for another a few months later, saw her once and never went back! Just wasn't for me. I then looked again about a year ago as I wasn't doing so well, found my current counsellor and have been seeing her ever since. I knew she was the right person straight away.This will sound strange but she is the type of person that I have always wanted to be myself but never think I will be- successful, very professional, lots of contacts, similar interests outside of work (I only know this through her bio on her site) but what I'm getting at is because of all the the above I respect her, and trust her. It has worked wonders.

Littlemilla- I often feel the same as you about lack of direction or she's not pushy enough etc but now that I have built the relationship she is a lot more direct with me when she needs to be! And also makes jokes when appropriate so I don't take myself too seriously.

Looking back over things -despite me wanting her on many occasions to just tell me what to do, I am a lot more self aware and am getting there with making changes. I have told her things that I never intended to tell anyone, even when knowing I wanted counselling.

I think it's hard to know if it's the right counsellor for you. Until you have had a few sessions or maybe seen more than one. Any of the ones I saw I may have stuck with and just thought that's what. It's like in counselling. But now I have met my current counsellor I totally get what people say when they say you need to find someone you click with.

Not sure that. Helps but wanted to give you the benefit of my experience!

Good luck.

[bonelope]

Sorry simone, just read your last post. It sounds as though you're getting into it if you feel like that. I went through some intense counselling a few years ago and often felt exhausted afterwards but also like I'd been washed clean. It took me a year before I stopped seeing that counsellor and was so totally worth it.

[simonettavespucci]

Hello again - thanks for replies!

pumpkin it's very helpful just to hear experiences - thank you. What you're saying makes complete sense - I think I might be on the first counsellor in your list. Like it's kind of helpful, but not exactly right.

bonelope it's individual counselling and dealing with general past issues - family, a couple of exes, trying to break bad patterns and sort myself out - so nothing especially complex or hidden - though still quite a lot to work through I guess.

The thing is I would feel bad about saying I didn't want to continue, despite the fact she mentions the possibility on her website. But I think I would feel happier with a therapist who seemed so competent and assured that there was no chance they'd be hurt by it. Does that make sense?

[simonettavespucci]

I get the exhaustion but not the catharsis bit (yet)!

But I think I am going to stick with it a while longer, seeing as I've spent the time telling her the whole backstory, and see how it goes.

I'm proud of myself that I've started going anyway - it took a lot of psyching up to do it, as I'm sure you're all aware too.