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Relationships

Am I over reacting to what DH did?

60 replies

JaynewithaY · 02/03/2015 13:06

I'd be very grateful for some alternative points of view about what my DH did this weekend and whether I'm over reacting. Apologies, I think it'll be long, but I don't want to drip feed.

By way of background, we live about 25 mins walk from our village shops and my IL's live about 5 mins from our house (closer to the shops than us). On Saturday DH and I went to the village with our baby in the pram. I wanted to go by car as I thought it looked like it might rain, but DH insisted we should walk, which we did.

DH had teased me while we were out about me thinking it would rain and on the way home, he stopped with the pram, which he was pushing, and said he was going to wait there for the rain. I carried on walking slowly, thinking he was joking and would catch me up.

When the noise of the pram wheels stopped, I turned around, DH and the baby were nowhere to be seen. I presumed he had cut down a side street he had used before which was immediately behind me (I knew you could cut down but not which turnings to take afterwards as he has lived in this area all his life, but I haven't). From this turning, it was possible for him to carry on home or go to IL's house from the opposite direction from which I was walking. He had my glasses in the baby bag, I had no house keys and 1% phone battery which he knew as we had talked about my phone, he had looked to see why it wasn't working properly and concluded it was because of low battery.

I carried on walking towards our house at a normal pace on the usual route and had to walk past IL's house to get there. When I got home there was no answer. I then got a text from DH asking if I had keys. I replied he knew I didn't and it was a nasty thing to do, leaving me and taking the baby without telling me. He replied that he'd gone to his parent's house. When I got to the IL's they were playing with the baby, had put our shopping away in their house, got the baby out of the pram, taken his coat off and got toys out.

I got upset, said I was furious with DH and we took the baby and left. Usually I would have just gritted my teeth, had a cuppa and said nothing until we got home.

DH said he had hidden behind a bush and walked behind me, stopping at his parent's house. I can not think of any bushes he might have hidden behind (pavements and roads) but he did go past the cut through when I know that they weren't behind me. He said I was unreasonable for not turning around to see where he was, but could not answer why he didn't call out or follow me home if he had done as he claimed, nor why he didn't text me until I had got home. I would have been in his sight for a further 5 minutes when he arrived at ILs (and 5 mins before that) and it would have been obvious where I was going.

My question is am I totally over reacting by being angry and upset by this? I have contacted ILs and apologised. I do make sure they see DS and invited them round twice on the days before this happened. At the moment, we're hardly speaking as he doesn't think he's done anything wrong and I'm at fault for carrying on walking home. I think he owes me an apology. Wise MNers please adjudicate!

OP posts:
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cailindana · 02/03/2015 13:09

Why why why would a grown adult do that? Has he explained why?

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JontyDoggle37 · 02/03/2015 13:11

I think he was being childish and needs a firm "just don't be such an idiot" and I think you're overreacting slightly. It wasn't nice, but it sounds like just a silly thing done without thinking, and he obviously thought you would turn round and catch him out following you, and then probably got a bit miffed when you didn't look round any more. I think it's a storm in a teacup, both agree to apologise to each other, understand why neither of you are happy about it, and move on. Job done.

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currentnameinuse · 02/03/2015 13:12

No you are not over reacting. Why are you apologising to the ILs? Surely he should be doing that, not you?

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DeliciousMonster · 02/03/2015 13:12

Nope, he is being a twat. Is this a one off or is he often like this?

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Delphine31 · 02/03/2015 13:13

It seems like a mean little game to me. It's unnerving if people just disappear, and only fine as a game if they reappear a few seconds later.
The shopping having been put away at IL's is just bizarre?

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IAmNotAPrincessIAmAKahleesi · 02/03/2015 13:13

Not overreacting at all!

What a twatty thing for him to do

If it was a misjudged 'joke' then the normal thing would be for him to apologise properly for upsetting you, it's more Hmm that he doesn't think he's done anything wrong

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alwayslookingforsomething · 02/03/2015 13:14

I think you have posted this before

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alwayslookingforsomething · 02/03/2015 13:15

This reply has been deleted

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Jackie0 · 02/03/2015 13:17

I'd be fuming !
It's so weird , at best he's a child and at worst he's controlling and trying to humiliate and hurt you.
I've never understood grown ups who like to prank each other so maybe someone else would think its hilarious, doubt it though.

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Nolim · 02/03/2015 13:17

You are not overreacting.

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Jackie0 · 02/03/2015 13:20

Was that other post yours too op?
Why was your shopping put away in your in-laws house?

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ExitPursuedByABear · 02/03/2015 13:20

I thoguht of that thread too.

must get out more

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UndecidedNow · 02/03/2015 13:21

Nope he was the twat in this story.
If he had been behind you for so long, you would have heard the wheels of the pram and then you would have looked if he was there.

I think his problem is that he giot annoyed with you re the rain comment and wanted to show you he was righjt and you were wrong.
He then carried on to his parents where he knew you wouldn't make a fuss. Except that you didn't and told him there and then that you weren't happy. And that is the thing he isn't accepting.

Tbh knowing that you had very little battery, how could he have known he wouldbe able to ring you? Why stopping at his parents and notr carrying on up to your house to meet you there (logical reaction to loosing someone on the way back home).
Why didn't you ring him if you had enough batteries for him to ring you?

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WipsGlitter · 02/03/2015 13:21

I thought it sounded familiar too. He seems to have form for these silly 'jokes'.

Why did he put the shopping away in his parents house? That is really weird.

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BackforGood · 02/03/2015 13:25

Sounds like he was mucking about / having a laugh / being childish - you pick your phrase, depending on your relationship at the time.

I don't understand why you didn't just deal with it when he hid in the first place though, rather than turning it into a drama, involving your in-laws in your spat and now not speaking for days.

So yes, you are over-reacting.

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pocketsaviour · 02/03/2015 13:26

I'm assuming the shopping put away as freezer stuff?

TBH I think you're overreacting a bit. He pulled what he thought would be a hilarious prank, completely misjudged the situation, and it's wound you up and annoyed you. There is no actual harm done to anyone, surely?

Unless there's other things going on in the background that you haven't mentioned, like this is a frequent occurrence, then I think I'd just say "Look, I over-reacted, but what you did was silly and I'd like you to not do anything like that again. Now let's leave it there okay?"

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Watchmestumble · 02/03/2015 13:33

If the other thread is also you, then your husband is cruel with a sick sense of humour.

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Rebecca2014 · 02/03/2015 13:33

Right your youngest child is 2 in the other thread and now you got a baby in a pram? How does that work op?

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DorothyBastard · 02/03/2015 13:35

I don't think you're overreacting at all, I'd be furious. What a weird and spiteful thing for him to do.

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AnyFucker · 02/03/2015 13:38

your husband is mean

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ImperialBlether · 02/03/2015 13:43

I assume that other thread is yours, OP. He sounded a real twat in that one and he sounds a real twat in this one.

Now does he keep on doing this or is it the same event which bugs you and you've changed details to get fresh opinions?

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GlasgowParent · 02/03/2015 13:48

He's been childish, but you haev maybe over reacted.......a little.

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Branleuse · 02/03/2015 13:49

thats weird behaviour from him

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Branleuse · 02/03/2015 13:49

does he usually play bizarre unfunny practical jokes?

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MrNoseybonk · 02/03/2015 13:50

Right your youngest child is 2 in the other thread and now you got a baby in a pram? How does that work op?

It's a totally different person.

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