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A pretty trivial friendship issue

7 replies

TA299 · 01/02/2015 18:36

This is going to seem like some teenage drama but actually we are 3 women in our 30s. My closest friend is A but her best friend is B. B is someone I don't really have anything in common with but until recently I tried to get on with B because the 3 of us socialised together quite often.

About 3 months ago I was going through a very stressful time. B and I both cope with stress in different ways (I'm an introvert and B is very extroverted) and I became aware that B was saying negative stuff to A about how I was dealing with the situation. To avoid any confrontation I tried to keep out of B's way for a while.

Eventually A noticed that I seemed to be avoiding B so I sent B a message saying sorry if I'd been off but I was going through a tough time. The message I got back was basically that B had decided that we weren't friends anymore. Now A+B get together and I'm left with the scraps of A's free time. I've also noticed that A is becoming increasingly untrusting of me, which makes me think that B is saying things about me behind my back. I've tried to ask A about this sudden lack of trust but she just avoids the issue.

I'm not very good at making friends and am upset that I seem to be losing my best friend (A) because B has decided she doesn't like me anymore. I don't have any contact with B as A is our only link but I would try and be nice to her if we met. I just don't get invited out with them anymore. I don't know how to resolve this situation so that I get my best friend back, or at least regain her trust.

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AlmaMartyr · 01/02/2015 18:52

I'm sorry, this sounds horrible for you. Not really trivial. Was A supportive while you were stressed? Honestly, neither of them sound like great friends - even A if she's allowing her opinion of you to be coloured by B so much. If I were you I'd maybe pull back a bit and build up some other friendships.

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FluffyJawsOfDoom · 01/02/2015 18:55

They both sound rubbish, you can do better.

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TA299 · 01/02/2015 19:03

Thanks Alma. Yes A was supportive but her and B have been friends for a long time. I have never said anything negative about B to A and at the moment I'm trying to 'be the better person' in the hope that A will eventually notice that B is the one who is trying to cause trouble.

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krystellie · 01/02/2015 19:20

Friends shouldn't bitch about others behind their backs. A is not acting like a true friend if she is allowing B to say negative things about you.

You should speak with A to say how upset you feel about this. You've got nothing to lose anyway if she's already being distant.

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Chottie · 01/02/2015 19:32

I don't think this is trivial either. You've been through a stressful time when you could do some support and understanding and B has been unkind to say the very least. A sounds very easily influenced as well.

I hope life is better for you now.

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FriendlyAppleEater · 01/02/2015 19:40

forget about A that's not what real friends do

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TA299 · 01/02/2015 19:49

Maybe I'm too nice but I have considered that B's negativity may be because A was supporting me through a difficult time and B was worried that she was going to lose her best friend. I know this doesn't excuse her behaviour but I do wonder if it is some kind of self-defense.