I have regularly read the posts on here, and posted once in summer 2013 (under a different user name) about my domestic abuse situation (emotional, sexual, financial for years - and recent physical abuse prompted my post).
The advice was a resounding 'LTB' but I was too scared.
I carried on visiting this board - despite him telling me "it's a load of sad man-haters with fuck all else to do" and telling me to stop. The problems were so familiar, the advice the same, and every post strengthened me, educated me, and enabled me.
I threw him out on Monday. He has followed the exact script I'd expected, behaved exactly as you'd all said they do. Because I was informed and prepared I have been strong enough not to crumble and apologise for upsetting him, which is what I would normally have done. I have been strong enough to tell him "it is over".
For years and years I had tried to end things and things have got worse and worse, he blamed me and I believed him, he said I was mental, I believed him, he said I was unhinged, wrong, pathetic, useless, frigid, and I believed him. He told me I wouldn't cope, I'd destroy the children ("how could you, they worship me"), that I'd be alone forever because no-one else would want or put up with me, and I believed him. He degraded, humiliated, disrespected and belittled me, lied, undermined me, then reeled me in with scraps of kindness (which made me feel wonderful at the time, how sad is that). I kept thinking "it'll be different this time, he'll be different, I'll 'behave properly', he loves me".
Then the cycle would begin again and again and again.
Through reading posts and advice on here the scales gradually fell from my eyes and I saw the truth. Once you see it, it can't be unseen.
I can't ever thank you all enough for taking the time and trouble to post, you've saved my life. When I'm stronger I will contribute more and hope I help even just one person. For everyone struggling at the moment I truly hope your situation changes and you find happiness.
In the meantime - if you are unhappy in your relationship you don't have to be in it. No matter how trapped you think you are, how hard leaving feels, and no matter how powerless you feel, keep seeking advice, build your knowledge, plan your exit (or theirs) and there will come a time when you will be ready. Please seize that moment and change your future. It doesn't have to be the way it's always been.
Incidentally, my children are fine with what's happened, and actually seem relieved. The devastated tears and upset I had been expected just haven't happened. The atmosphere at home is so different, it's peaceful, relaxed and we're no longer walking on egg shells
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Thank you all - I finally called time!
19 replies
ITSL00KINGBETTER · 31/01/2015 16:06
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