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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

dh not talking to me over silly disagreement

67 replies

Applejack100 · 27/01/2015 09:37

my dh currently not talking to me over a silly disagreement - he came in last night, went straight upstairs said goodnight to the kids who were already in bed, then went down to the kitchen, took a plate of food from the dinner that i had prepared for us, took it upstairs to the bedroom, stayed in bedroom all night, then slept in spare bedroom, this morning did not come down at all till we had all left for school etc - this was all over some silly disagreement about me not wanting technology in the bedroom - surely it doesn't warrant this kind of over extended reaction??!! obviously what i think is something minor represents something a lot more significant to him, but i am slightly at a loss over what to do, or how to react -?

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GotToBeInItToWinIt · 27/01/2015 09:40

Sounds ridiculous to me. It's very childish to sulk/ignore regardless of the issue. Did you try and talk to him? Has he got form for this sort of behaviour?

kingofhearts · 27/01/2015 09:47

Not talking to your spouse following a disagreement is obviously childish and passive aggressive. Is this the first time? Or is it a regular pattern?

Although it seems minor to you it must, as you say, represent something significant to him. What exactly do you mean by 'not wanting technology in the bedroom'?

Applejack100 · 27/01/2015 09:47

there is no point in trying to talk to him if he is that angry - he will either go crazy or just stonewall me, which i guess is what he is doing now, i just have to wait it out - for this particular pool of anger to drain out of his system - but its just so bonkers and childish

OP posts:

WinterBabyof89 · 27/01/2015 09:48

You are right that his reactions are over the top for an argument about technology in the bedroom..

Does he feel as though you've undermined him, or that his opinions aren't valued in the household? Just wondering why he has gone so OTT..

LastNightADJSavedMyLife · 27/01/2015 09:50

He took the dinner you cooked for him though so he wasn't that mad was he?

Sounds like an arse

Applejack100 · 27/01/2015 09:50

i showed him an article from a magazine that stated that iphones ipads etc were a bad idea in the bedroom - i have always thought this, from the time he started charging his iphone in the bedroom every night, i told him, but put up with it as i still will - i was merely showing him the article to show that i am not completely mad - he accused me of starting a row etc and then went crazy and hence we are now at this situation - i am rather bemused by it all

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 27/01/2015 09:52

God I cannot abide a sulker after being married to one for 20 years. He is being an arse

Patilla · 27/01/2015 09:53

It might not be good advice but personally he wouldn't find a plate of food waiting for him tonight. I wouldn't be facilitating him sulking upstairs.

GraysAnalogy · 27/01/2015 09:54

It might not be the argument but rather him feeling you're being controlling or belittling him? I'm not saying either of those feelings are valid but there must be something deeper at play here.

That said if DP complained about 'technology in the bedroom' then proceeded to show me an article Id tell him to shove off

If I was you I'd just go to him and say something like 'so this is what we're doing now, ignoring each other for hours? Okay then'. And walk off.

supernaut · 27/01/2015 10:03

You've had a disagreement about something, he's probably feeling fed up and/or angry.
Don't think it's that big a deal for one or maybe two nights but if he does it for a long time or if he does it often then it could be a problem.

magpieginglebells · 27/01/2015 10:04

He does sound really childish but if my husband told me I couldn't have technology in the bedroom I'd tell him to bugger off.

nozzz · 27/01/2015 10:06

Is this the only thing that he is upset about?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 27/01/2015 10:19

The two PP's who are saying they'd tell their partner to 'shove off' or 'bugger off'... That's fine but that's not what he's doing is it? He's ignoring her, sulking, dragging it out, behaving childishly etc. Would you do the same?

Although actually I don't understand why it's such a crime. I will often show DH an article if it corroborates an opinion I hold and he'll do the same to me. It's a discussion point. We don't have a TV in our room as I'm a bad sleeper and it makes it worse. I'm sure DH would love to lie in bed watching TV but he respects my view on it. That's not the issue here anyway, the issue is his behaviour.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 27/01/2015 10:21

supernaut 1 or maybe 2 nights of sulking and ignoring the OP is ok?! What has happened to mature adult discussion when a difference in opinion occurs? Or even just agreeing to disagree?! I couldn't live with a sulker. Being ignored in my own home (but being considered ok to cook his bloody dinner) would be a deal breaker for me.

KellyElly · 27/01/2015 10:22

I really do hope he'll be cooking his won dinner tonight!

KellyElly · 27/01/2015 10:23

*own

BolshierAyraStark · 27/01/2015 11:00

Sulking is such an unattractive childish trait, irritates the fuck out of me.

Certainly wouldnt be cooking his dinner tonight, arse.

supernaut · 27/01/2015 11:09

GotToBeInItToWinIt 1 or 2 days of being upset or annoyed might be ok.
You call it sulking as if he's putting it on rather than being genuinely upset.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 27/01/2015 11:15

Regardless of whether he's putting it on or genuinely upset, it seems a completely disproportionate reaction to me. And even if he is genuinely 'upset', he should be discussing it with the OP and not hiding away in their bedroom and refusing to talk to her (although apparently eating the dinner she's cooked is fine ).

Bowlersarm · 27/01/2015 11:16

He's being babyish sulking.

However, as I said on your other thread you have no right to tell him what he can and can't take into his bedroom IMO

supernaut · 27/01/2015 11:25

Agree that he should discuss rather than just go silent.

BitOutOfPractice · 27/01/2015 11:54

It's fine to be upset with someone for as long as you like. Punishing them with the silent treatment is not. Plus, it solves absolutely nothing at all!

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magpieginglebells · 27/01/2015 12:13

Yes, I definitely agree that he is overreacting- he should talk about it. No way would I cook for someone who wasn't talking to me!

however · 27/01/2015 12:21

Does he do this sort of thing often?

Applejack100 · 27/01/2015 12:37

he is an irascible man in general, but this is one of his worst outbursts - it is a question of control at the end of the day, i think he feels i am telling him what to do, the word nagging was used, but i am not telling him what to do, or nagging, merely expressing an opinion - he basically doesn't want me to complain about anything - 'you don't know how lucky you are' etc etc, as well as calling me a few choice names - when all is said and done i don't know why it is such a bad thing to ask a partner to disconnect from technology in one room in the house - one room!! it is my bedroom too

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