I have known my friend since we were 9 years old (both now 26). As with all friendships there have been times when we have not spoken because of distance between where we live or general life making one of us busy. Despite this I have always considered her to be my closest friend and she has often told me I am hers.
Anyway in October 2012 I took my DS, then 2.5, to our GP over on going development concerns. I believed at the time he had ASD after i saw a speech therapist who said he was autistic. During 2012/13 I was constantly at his doctors, my HV, head of nursery, speech therapists and other professionals trying to establish what was going on. I was also working 3 days a week in a highly pressured job with legal deadlines that can’t be missed where we were understaffed. DS’s behaviour was very difficult, constantly screaming but not wanting to be comforted, not sleeping particularly well and as he was non verbal it was hard to understand his needs. I obviously talked to my friend about my concerns but her response was always “it will be fine” or “it will work out in the end” just generally quite dismissive. Although not supportive I reasoned that my friend had no children and probably just didn’t understand the effect all this was having on me. We always had a laugh when out and I decided to just use my time with her as a bit of a break from what was happening with DS rather than rely on her for support.
Me and DH eventually paid for a private referral to see an ENT specialist after speaking with my local ASD support group and the doctor agreed to fit grommets for DS under his NHS care, this was October 2013. Since Xmas 2013 we started to notice small and constant improvements in DS and I eventually got his doctor to refer him for a multi-disciplinarily assessment to see if he had ASD. As I said I wasn’t relying on my friend for support but had told her about the assessment. Between the referral and the actual assessment my friend got engaged and asked me to be bridesmaid which I accepted. But she went a bit wedding crazy, texts at all hours of the day and night, hours of wedding talk and numerous phone calls about the problems she was having with her future MIL - I listened to it all, never complained thinking it would all blow over once she was married. The day before my DS’s assessment me and my friend went for coffee and I said how nervous I was, she answered by saying she understood as she was nervous about the wedding! Anyway the first day of assessment was terrible but worse was a text at 3:30 a.m. from my friend asking about her choice of wedding flowers and had I started on plans for the hen night and no concern about how DS had got on.
I emailed that weekend saying I was sorry but I felt I couldn’t help with hen night planning, there was another bridesmaid, and while i was happy to turn up and do the bridesmaid duties on the day that was all i could do and would understand if she just wanted me to come as a guest because of everything that was happening with DS. Her reply was 3 days later and just said “come as a guest then”. This was 10 months before the wedding.
After this my friend found out she was pregnant and I thought prehaps she would start to understand the worry this situation had caused me but she has still made a few comments about my non-commitment to the wedding.
Turned out from the assessment DS also needed glasses. Since then his improvement has been fantastic and earlier this week we were discharged and told DS does not have ASD. My friend knew I was going for this appointment and hoping to be discharged but has not asked how it went and i feel so let down. I don’t know why but I thought she would understand what this meant to me.
I have to go to her wedding soon but atm I don’t even want to see her. I can’t not go but at the same time I just wish she knew how much she has hurt me with her dismissive attitude to something so important to me.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Really hurt by my friend - wwyd?
Funnyface89 · 24/01/2015 17:15
What would I do? Call her and have a proper conversation. You're both at fault here and I can see why both of you would be hurt. Both of you could have had a bit more understanding of the other's situation, tbh.
You must feel massively relieved about your son. 
I think that the main problem is that you and your friend have been at very different places in your lives, with different priorities.
It would be a shame to lose your friendship because I think that you would both regret it. You could go to the wedding and have a lovely day without any of the pressure of bring a bridesmaid ( in a potentially hideous dress 
)
Once her baby is here you will have more common ground and can hopefully have many more years of friendship.
Good luck whatever you decide to do 
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.